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“Where did you disappear to?” I question him, not sure if I really want to know or not.
You can never be sure what my dad is up to. And when you think you’ve figured out what he’s doing, he throws a curveball and makes you realize you’re never gonna know what he’s doing. My dad knows where he’s needed and just goes there without question or hesitation. Part of me knows he’s been to see Paige and knows exactly where she is and what’s going through her mind.
“I went to see Paige. It wasn’t hard to follow her despite her havin’ hours ahead of me. I simply tracked her phone and she’d already stopped for the night. So, it wasn’t hard at all to get to her and see her for a while. She’s back in town. Came back with me when I left this mornin’. Chance, just give her some time. She talked to me a little bit, and I can tell you she loves you with everythin’ she has. Her heart and soul belong to you and if you give her a chance to start workin’ on herself, she’ll open up to you. I don’t have a doubt in my mind about that. Startin’ this afternoon, she’s gonna start seein’ a counselor and for now, her sessions will be daily. Paige has a lot of shit built-up that she needs to work through. Four, almost five, years’ worth of pain, anger, hurt, and nightmares holdin’ her back. If you give her a little bit of time, she’ll be yours. I don’t see it takin’ long, but you can never tell when it comes to this shit,” my dad says, his voice a whisper so no one else overhears us.
“Dad, I’ve given Paige nothin’ but time. Almost a year to be precise. So, I don’t think I can give her any more time to work through her shit and get to a point where she might want to let me in or have me in her life. I’m tired of bein’ the only one to fight and put my heart on the line when she can’t do the same in return,” I tell him, lifting my weights as I try to figure out if I can really go back there with Paige again.
“I know you’ve been fightin’ for her and your relationship. However, I also know you’re not a fuckin’ quitter, Chance. You fight and fight until you can fight no more. So, are you really gonna give up on Paige when she’s finally decided to get some help and work on whatever has been eatin’ her alive? I know why she’s doin’ what she has been. When you find out what she’s been hidin’, you’ll understand why she’s been pushin’ everyone away and keepin’ you at arm’s length,” my dad says, correcting my form as I continue to lift.
“You know what she’s been hidin’ from me, don’t you? She told you when you went to see her,” I accuse my dad as he looks at me without answering.
“I do know what’s goin’ on with her. You know how it is. I don’t do anythin’, but the women find me easy to talk to.”
“You barely fuckin’ know her and she opened up to you. I’ve been at her side for a fuckin’ year and she still won’t open up to me. So, that pisses me off more than when she wouldn’t open up to anyone else,” I tell him, putting the weight down and standing from the bench to get away from my dad.
This is fucking unbelievable. I know my dad has some kind of magic touch when it comes to the women in our lives. However, this is fucking new for him. It took him no time at all to get Paige to open up to him and share her secret. Slamming the door open for the locker room, I take a seat on a bench and hang my head. I’m pissed and ready to get in the cage right now. Maybe I should get in the cage with my dad. Take some anger out on him and see how I feel afterwards. I won’t ever do that though. My dad would fucking kill me with his hits. He won’t ever hold back and we don’t expect him to. So, I get up and strip down before grabbing a towel so I can shower. I’ve got a lot to think about and things to figure out when it comes to Paige and if I can let her back in or not.
Chapter Twenty
Paige
COMING BACK TO Cedar Bay with Tank might be the worst decision I’ve ever made. Everyone is so fucking mad at me and I know it’s just a matter of time before everything blows up in my face. However, there’s nothing that will keep me from staying here and getting the help I need so I can try to repair the damage I’ve done. I want to build my relationship again with my sister, fix things with Ricochet, and try to get my job back from Haley. I haven’t missed any work or anything, but I honestly don’t know if she even wants me there any longer. It’s kind of a toss-up at this point. However, I won’t know if I don’t show up and talk to her. So, that’s the first thing on my list of things to get done today. I have to get it done before my first counseling session. That’s not something I’m ever going to go back on. I promised Tank this morning that I’d get the help I need and that’s what I’m going to do.
After showering and getting dressed, I make my way out to my car. Tara is just getting in hers as she waves to me. Waving back, I get in my car and pull away from my trailer. Driving through town, I take in all the sights of my home. This is where I’ve grown up and the place I’ve wanted to leave for so long. Everyone knows everyone else here and no one stays out of one another’s business. I always found that the hardest part of growing up here. There were no secrets and kids were teased based on things they had no control over. If your mom was cheating, you were teased. Your dad lost his job, you were harassed daily. Everything someone could hold over your head, they would use it without hesitation. I hated it then and I hate it now. Nothing will ever change in Cedar Bay.
Pulling into the parking lot of the diner, I take in the full lot and know Haley’s found her way here in town. This is the best diner Cedar Bay has ever had and it’s all because of Haley. She doesn’t make her employees do all the work while she sits on her ass. When the diner’s busy, she’s right there on the floor helping take orders, clear tables, and anything else she can do. Her recipes are amazing and keep the customers coming back. While our regulars have their favorite meals, they don’t constantly order the same thing because Haley is always changing things up. Anyone who prepares the food has to follow her recipes exactly and if they don’t, they don’t have a job for very long. These recipes have been passed down from her mom and they’ve worked tirelessly on them for years.
After parking my car, I get out and wipe my damp palms down the legs of my jeans. I’m so nervous to go in and talk to Haley about keeping my job. She has the power to destroy me because with the club taking up most of the storefronts in town, I know I won’t be able to find another job here in Cedar Bay. I’ll have to leave town to work and it can be hard to drive to other places in the winter or when we get a horrible rain storm. I don’t leave Cedar Bay or drive in the rain if I can help it. After our accident, I’m scared to drive because all I can see is me being involved in another accident like the one we had with our dad. Just one more thing I can’t seem to get past from that night. It doesn’t weigh on me like not having kids does, but it still lingers.
Walking inside, I find Haley delivering food to a table in the back. The one where club members sit. I don’t really recognize anyone sitting there even though I see the cuts they’re wearing. This must be a group of their parents from Clifton Falls and Dander Falls. While I might not know them, I’m sure they know all about me and what I’ve done. The pain I’ve caused. This just makes me even more nervous than I just was.
“Paige, it’s good to see you,” Haley greets me, her voice warm and inviting as she gives me a smile. “You’re not scheduled to work today.”
“I know. I was honestly stopping in to see if I still had a job here. I mean, I know everyone’s pissed at me, so I wanted to make sure before I came in tomorrow for my shift,” I tell her honestly as people from the nearby table look at us.
“Of course you have a job here, Paige. Look, I know you’re going through some shit. I can’t say that most of us haven’t been there at one point or another. What I do care about is that you get the help you need and can start to heal. We all need to heal and I’ll help no matter what way you need to do that,” she says, grabbing my arm gently and leading me back to her office so no one can overhear us.
“I’m gonna get the help I need. See, I left town yesterday. When Lyric told me she didn’t want me to help her get ready for her wedding, I left. Ricochet and her got letters, but I didn’t say anything to anyone else about what I was doing. I pulled over last night and got a room in some random motel. Tank found me. We talked and he’s the one who ended up convincing me to come back to Cedar Bay. I’m gonna work on myself so I can start opening up to more than Lyric and make myself better. For now, I have counseling sessions every day. When my counselor feels I’ve made an improvement, we’ll cut them back to three times a week. Eventually I’ll only go once a month or so. I just hope it doesn’t cost me everything like this job. It's the only way I can stay in Cedar Bay,” I tell her honestly.
“Good, Paige. I’m glad he was able to talk you into coming back. Tank has a way about him. He just knows when one of us needs him and he helps us figure out things we weren’t previously thinking of. I know you’ve been carrying this secret of yours for a very long time. So, get me the times you have counseling and we’ll work around that. I want you to focus on your healing and if we need to cut back your hours for now, we’ll do that,” she says, a smile that lights up her face.
“I’m going to make my sessions for first thing in the morning. I don’t ever work the morning shift so it should work out. Today is my only afternoon session so I can change it before I leave,” I assure her, knowing I have to be able to work the hours I’ve been working since I’ll be the only one covering the bills at the trailer now with Lyric living with her husband at the compound.
“Okay. If things get to be too much, you let me know and we’ll figure something out. I’ll see you tomorrow, Paige,” she says, standing to give me a hug before I leave her office and head out of the diner.
For the first time in a long time, I feel a little lighter. I don’t feel as if the weight of the world is resting on my shoulders because I’m keeping this massive secret about my life hidden from everyone. Yes, I still haven’t told anyone but Tank, but I’m prepared to talk about it in today’s counseling session. I just hope it’s enough to start learning how to let others in and share my burden so I’m not completely alone in the world. The way I’ve felt for years now.
I’ve just gotten called back to meet my counselor. She’s a short woman with gray hair and the kindest brown eyes. They’re like warm chocolate melting on a summer day. She’s wearing a pair of jeans with a loose button-down shirt. She radiates warmth and kindness. I follow her into an office and take it in. The walls are painted a soft beige with various pictures hanging on the wall. There’s pictures of her family, paintings by famous artists, and multiple pictures of dogs. There are flowers on her desk in full bloom as the scent of them fills the room. Instead of taking a seat at the desk, she sits in a comfortable looking chair while motioning for me to sit on the couch. It’s one of those overstuffed couches that you sink into. I’m instantly comfortable and at complete ease.
“Paige, my name is Valerie. I’ve been assigned your case. What would you like to talk about today?” she asks me as if I’m controlling this session.
“You mean, you’re not going to ask me a ton of questions?” I return, not sure where I’d even start.
“No. That’s not how I work. I want you to talk about what you have going on right now. If you don’t want to tell me anything too personal right now, that’s okay. We can talk about the weather and maybe where you’d like to see these sessions with me going. If you want to get straight to work, then we can do that. This is your recovery and I’m here to guide you and help you along the way,” Valerie says, giving me a smile as she sits back in her chair.
“Well, I’m here because I haven’t been dealing with things the way I should’ve been over the last five years. Almost five years. Just before my nineteenth birthday, my sister and I were in a car accident with our dad. We had gone out for the night and ended up needing a ride home. We had lost our mother about ten years before that and our dad wasn’t handling his grief very well. Anyway, I called him to pick us up and thought he’d be okay to drive us home. I figured it was too early for him to start drinking because he didn’t usually do it when Lyric and I were still awake.
“It was like he didn’t want us to know he was becoming an alcoholic, but we both knew. He was always drunk and about to lose his job because he’d started going to work drunk. I found that out by accident when I overheard a conversation between two women gossiping in town. He came to pick us up and I was in the front seat with him. My baby sister, Lyric, was in the back. It started raining really hard when he picked us up. Apparently he’d already started drinking and thought he didn’t need to slow down on our way home. I wasn’t too worried because we were on the outskirts of Cedar Bay and thought he’d be able to make it home. If I’d known he was as drunk as he was, I would’ve walked with my sister instead of getting in the car with him.
