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“You alright?” she quizzes me gently, coming up to my side. “Did someone cancel?—”
“Rory’s at the hospital,” I spill out, still staring at the tip of my pen, feeling my heart begin to chip away in pieces. “Mia called.”
“What?”
That confirms it.
No matter the logic, I was never going to have all of Liv. I know we just started something, but if it were real, her daughter would’ve been mentioned. I wasn’t asking for a one-on-one with the girl, just the acknowledgment that she existed.
“St. John’s,” I say in a detached voice, forcing my gaze to rip off the writing utensil and focus on the woman who just became female number two of shredding me in half.
I meet her blue eyes full of worry and fear but I can’t bring myself to comfort her. I’m too busy—and maybe selfishly—worrying about myself and how it affects me.
“You better hurry.”
Liv stares at me for another second and I see it written all over her face even if she doesn’t verbally say the words.
She’s been caught. And I wasn’t supposed to know.
It feels like forever before she pivots and rushes for the door, closing it with a soft thud before she takes off to care for what’s important to her.
And that sure as hell was never me.
thirty
. . .
LIV
“I’m sorry, Liv,” Mia mutters for the millionth time since my arrival at the hospital to see my daughter. “He never said what his name was when he answered the phone.”
I know why she’s eternally freaking out because I’m sure my face and posture say it all. I’m on edge when I should be thinking about Rory, but she’s fine. Eating a red Popsicle and swinging her legs off a hospital bed without a care in the world.
She has a little bump on her bead, but due to the mild injury and how responsive she is, the doctor said no testing or X-rays were needed unless she started complaining of pain.
“It’s fine,” I drone back for the zillionth time. “You needed to get a hold of me.”
And with my luck, it was Hudson who answered the phone.
Not once since I’ve been there have I seen him do that and I can’t erase the look on his face. The way betrayal glimmered in his green eyes over the secret I’ve held from him.
It wasn’t at all to make him feel bad but to protect Rory and myself. If I let Hudson into that part of my life, I didn’t want my daughter to feel abandoned. Her father is a really good dad, and I’ve stuck by that, but he moved to L.A. for his job and video calls are all she gets to have with him. Another man in her life will need to be present or it’ll be worthless for her to get attached.
And Hudson isn’t ready for that.
Especially when he’s told me what he’s lost, and I didn’t want to spark those awful memories that he’ll never be able to bat away. I couldn’t imagine it, like before, and the hurt on his face would haunt me for literally the rest of my life.
I can’t fix that.
And the last thing I want him to believe is that he wasn’t good enough. That I didn’t trust him, even though I kinda don’t. Hudson is scarred and, while I don’t hold that against him, it could possibly affect me.
It already has.
I think I’m starting to fall for him a little bit and that is something I need to figure out. Do I really want to get myself into this predicament and pray to God he doesn’t break me in half? Or do I hope to everything holy that he gives us a chance?
Why does it matter? He’ll never let this go. Hudson is done.
I can feel the beginning of tears form at the backs of my eyes. It’s not a secret that Hudson doesn’t date, but that’s what I need even though I said I didn’t before. But if it were a conscious effort, Rory is the most important thing in my life and, as much as I want Hudson, I have to put her first—always.
