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An unsettled silence descended between us, broken only by the distant sounds of running footsteps in the wider Underground. The evacuation in progress, presumably. The lives of Agenor’s people on the line … and yet the attack on the Golden Court appeared to be the very last thing on my father’s mind as he sat there and rubbed the hard line of his jaw over and over again.
‘And you …’ He wavered for a moment, in spite of his visible determination to pull himself together to at least a semblance of his usual composure. ‘And you’re saying you actually … like him.’
‘I’m saying I love him to pieces,’ I pleasantly corrected.
‘Gods help me,’ he muttered, burying his face in his hands. ‘Because you’veseen what he looks like?’
I scoffed. ‘No. Because he’s the only damn person in this world who’s never tried to make me more than I can be or less than I am. Because he makes me laugh when I’m frightened. Because he knows what it’s like to be everyone’s weapon. Because he stops me from doubting myself. Do I need to continue?’
His sharp inhale was a hair’s breadth away from straying into the territory of hisses. ‘No, thank you. I … I think I’m getting the picture.’
That seemed a little optimistic, but I decided not to tell him; he looked tormented enough in that ridiculous chair, his hands still covering his face as if he could hide from the truth that was slowly but irrevocably creeping up on him. On the other side of the room, Coral the snake chose that instant to slither back into view from below the wardrobe, glaring at the both of us with what I could only interpret as contemptuous pity.
I tried to imagine her in one room with Alyra and couldn’t suppress a grin at the thought.
‘In that case …’ Agenor started, faltering as he lowered his hands. He cleared his throat, then tried again. ‘I … I suppose …’
Once again, he didn’t finish his sentence.
‘You suppose?’ I said politely.
‘I’m trying to figure out what in hell I’m supposed to say,’ he blurted with a raw honesty that provoked an unexpected rush of fondness in my chest. ‘I doubt you’re in need of any edifying advice on love and related matters?’
I huffed a laugh. ‘Correct. No need for biology lessons, either.’
‘Thank the gods for that small mercy,’ he muttered, drawing in another deep breath and holding it for a moment. ‘Well. In that case … congratulations, I presume?’
I blinked at him.
‘Oh, gods,’ he said, closing his eyes. ‘That wasn’t the right thing to say either?’
‘What? No. No, it’s fine.’ I managed a bewildered chuckle. ‘It’s just … you’reapprovingof the situation now?’
‘Well, you give the rather astonishing impression you’re happy with it,’ he said stiffly. ‘And I’m trying not to cause any family feuds.’
‘And that’s all?’ It came out more suspiciously than intended. ‘I mean, I appreciate the change of heart, but it seems a little sudden. Since when are you so quick to overhaul your opinions over a bit of shouting?’
‘One tries to learn,’ he said with a grimace. ‘And you seem to have inherited your mother’s talent for shouting rather convincingly. Just … could you promise me one thing, Em?’
I snorted. ‘Ah, we’re bargaining after all, then?’
‘No!’ He let out a strangled groan, hands gripping the armrests with obvious frustration. ‘I’ll try to behave regardless, for hell’s sake. I’ll just sleep better at night if I can be sure that you— Look, suppose you ever change your mind about this, or that you ever end up feeling unsure or unsafe around him—’
I stiffened. ‘Agenor.’
‘Yes, yes,’ he impatiently cut in, waving my interruption aside, ‘you love him and he’s perfect and you’re going to make him a flock of tiny demon babies – it’s all good, Em. But I’ve lived for twelve centuries and you would hardly be the first person to tell me the same things and end up disenchanted a few decades later, so please let this old codger talk for a minute, alright?’
I bit my tongue, although it took an effort. ‘Fine. Go on.’
‘All I’m asking …’ He briefly closed his eyes, gathering his thoughts. ‘If you ever end up feeling stuck or unsafe or generally unhappy, and I don’t care how impossible that may sound to you at this moment, will you please tell someone? Doesn’t have to be me. Tell Lyn or Naxi or … orZera, for all I care.Someone. Can you promise me that? That you won’t cling to your pride and decide to suffer through your troubles on your own?’
‘You really think …’ I faltered. ‘You think I’d do that?’
He threw me a sour smile. ‘It’s what people tend to do when making decisions everyone warned them against, isn’t it? Avoiding the “told you so” at all costs?’
That, I had to admit, sounded like something I might be capable of doing.
‘It’s hard for menotto worry about this, Em,’ he continued hastily, reading my expression. ‘Even if I misunderstood him for centuries, that stillisa history of centuries, and hardly a pleasant one. I’ll try not to let that influence my behaviour too much, but it’ll be much easier to trust him if I can be sure you’re not quietly growing unhappy with your choices in the meantime. So humour me, please. Even if you’ll never need it, could you just promise me for my benefit?’
