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Right. He’d blacked out without warning, then woken up confused and vulnerable, suddenly in possession of a voice, but lacking any recollection of the past minute. No wonder he’d fled. Better to get the hell out of there than stay to beg Tared for an explanation.
‘Thysandra attacked you,’ I said, swallowing something bitter as the events played out in my mind’s eye again with unwelcomeclarity. If only I’d stopped her. If only I’d seen it coming. ‘So you swung a knife at her and Naxi knocked you out before you could hurt her. You dropped the binding as you fell.’
A muscle twitched in his jaw.Did it break?
I nodded.
So … you had to choose?
Even in the near-darkness, those signs looked more grim than I’d expected. There was no relief in his expression, not the faintest sparkle of elation at the return of his voice; if anything, he looked like a male struggling to come to terms with a devastating blow.
I swallowed and whispered, ‘Yes.’
He let himself sink back into the sand, black wings flattening out on either side of his lean torso.Fuck.
And that was all.
Doubt hooked its claws into me without warning, so swift and vicious I could taste it like bile in the back of my throat. Had I picked the wrong option after all? Had he wanted me to save his unbound powers, that advantage in battle that might have won us the war? Hell, he’d tormented himself to near-death for decades for just a chance to end the Mother – so what was a voice to …
Cactus,his fingers interrupted my spiralling train of thoughts. He didn’t even raise his head from the sand to look at me.There’s no need for that.
Oh.
Bloody demon senses.
I drew in a gulp of air. ‘I just thought …’
Now he did come up on his elbows, supporting himself on one arm as he lifted the other. In the moonlight, the dark cuts of ink on his wrist and fingers seemed to twist beneath his skin as he signed,Give me half a second to catch up, Em. It’s not been the most uneventful of nights.
‘No, but—’
And stop looking for reasons to doubt yourself.
I froze.
Doubting myself.Again.Hell, why was I jumping straight to the worst possible explanation of that tightness in his face, as if none of his love and trust would mean a damn when push came to shove? He’d missed his voice. I knew that. He’d wanted me to stop denying my heart. I knew that, too.
So perhaps there were other options.
‘Right.’ I wrapped my arms around my sweaty self, shifting in the sand. ‘Thanks. I … I suppose it’s theoretically possible that you’re simply unhappy about the situation in general, rather than about me.’
His grin broke through – that wry, skewed grin, not yet as overjoyed as I wanted to see it, but a thousand times better than the dull blankness in his gaze.Would you think?
‘Oh, fuck off.’ My chuckle came out breathless – both relief and the ever-familiar sensation of my guts tangling themselves into knots at the sight of that smile. ‘Please just tell me what you’re thinking, then. Optimistic guesswork isn’t my strong side.’
I’m thinking way too many things.He brusquely sat up, pulling his knees to his chest and draping his arms over them; his wings drooped into the sand behind his back, the velvety surface darker than even the night sky itself.Trying to figure out what this means for our chances against the Mother. If I should be pissed with Naxi. If the rest of the world is going to give you trouble over this decision and if—
‘Since when are you the one worried about the rest of the world?’ My voice shot up.
He scoffed.I’m worried about you.
‘Why? I know exactly what choice I made.’ It was strangely liberating to speak the words out loud – to no longer be waffling,doubting Emelin, the girl who tried to want nothing yet wanted everything at once. ‘And the rest of the world was accounted for when I made it. If they want to give me trouble over it, they can go fight their own fucking war as far as I’m concerned, and if they’re stupid enough to try that, there’s not much value to their opinions anyway. I’ll be fine.’
Creon stared at me.
‘Also,’ I added, words pouring out of their own accord now that I’d started, ‘you were right. And I’ve been an idiot. And I’m sorry – I’m so,sosorry – and I swear to all the dead and living gods that I’ll stop pretending I don’t love you to death – hell, I should never have tried to pretend in the first place, and …’
His lips parted, but not a sound came out – not even the weakest cough.
