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I blinked at the largest dove, which glared back at me as if I was an idiot. ‘That … that sounds like cheating, somehow.’
‘Goddesses don’t cheat,’ Zera said lightly. ‘They just change the rules.’
I huffed a laugh. ‘So there’s little sense in asking you to send my friends a few doves to fix their messy love lives, then?’
‘Your friends?’ She sounded genuinely surprised as she rose to her feet.
‘No need to sound so shocked about me having friends,’ I said sourly.
She laughed. ‘Not at all, dear. But most visitors I’ve had over the centuries asked for their own blessings, not for help for others. You caught me by surprise, that’s all.’
‘Oh.’ I hunched up my shoulders, not sure what to make of that. Was it a good thing, surprising her? ‘It’s just … they are the ones who spent the past few centuries making life harder for themselves. I have Creon. I’ll be fine.’
Zera did not reply for a few moments as she staggered over to the grain chest against the outer wall of her cottage, dragging her bag along. The doves followed at her ankles, cooing and bobbing their heads, ruffling their snow-white wings with the content air of birds who have completed their mission.
The goddess opened the chest, scooped out a handful of grain, and scattered it on the ground for the birds to eat. Only then, shooing a few curious chickens away with her free hand, did she slowly say, ‘Be careful about that, Emelin. It’s easy to claim eternity, but much harder to actually live it.’
I stared at her, thoughts grinding to a halt for a nauseating moment. She did not look up at me, her gaze focused on her hessian bag as she struggled towards me through the falling dusk.
Easy to claim eternity.What was she suggesting – that I may need those blessings after all? That Creon’s devotion may not go as deep as I believed? That I might lose him if I wasn’t careful enough?
Suggestions I’d have laughed at from any other source – but she was agoddess.
‘What … what do you mean?’ Goosebumps pebbled my arms as the chill of dusk found an unexpected ally in the cold gripping my guts. ‘Hedoeslove me.’
‘Yes, of course he does, dear.’
I knew that tone. Editta had used it to reassure me on those cold winter nights when I was too hungry to fall asleep – to promise me there would still be food tomorrow, to remind me that spring would return soon. True words, most of the time … but peoplehaddied during those winters.
‘But?’ I managed.
‘But love doesn’t like to be taken for granted,’ Zera said quietly, lowering her bag to the ground as she halted and lifted her gaze to meet mine. She was slightly out of breath. ‘Don’t take his devotion as a given. Even the deepest well isn’t bottomless.’
The warning in her voice lingered in the misty air even as she continued her staggered path towards her front door. I stepped aside to let her through, a reflex that was all limbs and no thought. My mind was sliding back to a dark temple room, to scarred fingers moving in the dark –Do you have any idea what this does to me, Em?
But I was solving that problem, wasn’t I? I’d listened to his opinions and followed his preferences, hadn't I?
This time, at least.
There was no squashing that thought once it appeared, bright like quicksilver and just as deadly.
It couldn’t have been the last time. Not in a world that hated him and needed me. Not in a world where we both had too many roles to play, where choosing the role of his lover may cost me lives I didn’t want to sacrifice.
‘Zera?’ I spoke without thinking, whirling around to follow her into the house. The woods were darkening quickly, and in contrast, the warm glow of the fire was blinding. ‘Zera, how in hell am I supposed to choose between people I love?’
‘You love yourself first,’ she said without a moment of hesitation, settling her bag back into its usual corner. Without that impossible weight in her hands, even her words sounded lighter. ‘And then you see who celebrates that and who tries to stop you.’
I swallowed. ‘You make it sound like it’s easy.’
‘One day, it will be.’ She looked back at me, tired eyes twinkling. ‘The trick is not to make too many stupid choices until that time.’
‘That really helps,’ I said sourly.
Her laughter was lively and melodious, joyful like a bird’s song. ‘Of course, dear. Answering questions is what I’m here for.’
In that warm room, surrounded by dried herbs and dark wood, it was easy to take the risk. ‘So how do I break a binding?’
She laughed again. ‘Imayjust have written down the secret and left the note on the bottom shelf of that cabinet over there.’
