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My mind refused to think the thought, as if such foolish hopefulness would be enough to shatter the mirage before my eyes.
‘Well, dear?’ The … woman … stepped back, smiling with a softness that spread like a balm over my cold, sore skin. ‘You’re usually quicker than this.’
Shivers started running down my spine, colder than the water gathering around my waist. ‘You … you know me?’
‘Of course I do,’ she said, clucking her tongue with the gentle impatience of an old nurse. ‘You’ve been talking to me all your life. Did you think I wasn’t listening?’
I opened my mouth and found that I had once again run out of words.
‘It seems you did,’ Zera concluded, now with a spark of amusement to her voice. ‘Well, this is a pleasant surprise, then. Or an unpleasant one, perhaps. My apologies for not sending you that bird, but I do not like to make promises I can’t be sure I’ll keep. Are you coming out of the lake, now?’
‘I …’
I lost track of that sentence one word in, my mind crowded by a thousand other points vying for attention. If she knew every thought I’d ever devoted to her, she knew my every desperate attempt not to fall madly in love with Creon. She knew every failure, too. She …
Did she know he’d fucked me on her altar only one night ago?
Thank the gods for the cold water embracing me, because I might have blushed if not for—
‘Oh, you’re most welcome,’ Zera said dryly. ‘What were you planning to blush about – that temple business? Don’t worry about it. If I had to smite every couple to have a go at it in my sanctuaries, I would never have a free minute in my life. Glad you had a good time, at least.’
‘Is it your intention to make me drown myself?’ I said, and my teeth clattered a little as if to lend strength to the suggestion.
She chuckled. ‘I see you take after your father and his dramatics. Do tell him I’m proud of him when you see him again, before I forget. That’s a lovely little spine he has located after all this time.’
I imagined Agenor’s face if I were to pass on that dubious compliment, then imagined Creon, whose lips would not stop trembling for hours if he heard the story. And then I thought of him and the others, waiting for me in that warm kitchen temple, and the flicker of warmth that had seared through me at the thought of his amusement cooled down again.
‘Um,’ I said and glanced over my shoulder. The dragon lingered in the same place, peering at me with eyes that seemed to be counting the seconds to its next meal. ‘Speaking of the others – my friends have no idea where I’ve gone. Would it … um … would you mind terribly if I went back to let them know I found you before I—’
‘I would notmind, necessarily,’ Zera said, her smile dwindling. ‘The forest might, though.’
I blinked at her.
‘It’s the forest that keeps me alive and hidden, these days. It’s the forest that allowed you to find me. If you return to the temple …’ She gave half a shrug, her chapped lips tightening. ‘You might not manage to convince it a second time. It does not play by simple immortal rules.’
‘You … you can’t tell it to let me come back, either?’
‘My dear,’ she said, looking amused again, ‘a flower does not argue with the earth that nourishes it.’
I swallowed and dared another glimpse at the dragon. Behind it, the forest waited with perfect stillness, uncaring and unaffected.
Creon should be able to read my emotions, I realised. He had been able to reach me while he was at the Golden Court and I was in the Underground, and considering that we were still in the same forest, the temple could hardly be that far away. So even if he was concerned, he could confirm I was safe and unharmed. He might even figure out what had happened.
And weneededthis chance.
Biting down the last sliver of doubt, I put my boots on the grassy banks and climbed out of the water, dripping like a drowned stray cat.
‘That’s more like it,’ Zera said, bending over to pick up the large hessian sack. Every inch of her fragile frame seemed to protest the weight as she hauled it off the grass; her voice strained as she added, ‘Just follow me, then.’
‘Should I help you carry that?’ I cautiously suggested, tiptoeing after her as she staggered away with her burden. She was shorter than me, for the bloody gods’ sake – well, perhaps not for her own sake. I resolved to stop using that phrase. ‘It looks heavy.’
She gave a laugh. ‘Thank you, dear, but you couldn’t carry it. It is quite heavy, indeed.’
‘What’s in it?’
‘Oh, the grief of the world.’ From her twinkling eyes as she glanced over her shoulder, I almost thought she was joking. ‘But if you insist on being helpful …’ She untied a smaller bag I hadn't noticed from her belt and waited for me to catch up, then held it out to me. ‘You can carry this. Don’t drop it, though.’
This purse was made of fine linen, and it was so light it almost floated from my palm. I stared at it for a moment and slowly said, ‘Love and grief, isn’t it?’
