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He winced as if I’d struck him in the face. ‘That’snotwhat I meant, Em.’
‘Then you’re being unusually sloppy with your wording.’ I rose to my feet, careful not to step on Alyra in my restless anger. The others were quiet around us, a tense, uncomfortable silence. ‘What were you trying to say, then, in all your sage wisdom?’
‘You …’ He closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath, opened them again. ‘Em, you haven’t seen those lists of names. You haven’t read the reports. I’m not fully sure it’s physicallypossibleto torture yourself to death that many times, and as much as I see the appeal of—’
‘Is it more impossible than lying under a bargain of truth?’ I said coldly.
He stiffened. ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘Did you assume Helenka believed him on the basis of his pretty blue eyes? He just told her the whole story this afternoon, under a bargain of truth. Go ask her, if you need someone else’s word for it.’
He didn’t move. Something almosthelplessflickered in his eyes as he parted his lips, closed them, seemed to think better of it, and opened his mouth again. Naxi chuckled behind me – that ruthless, melodious laugh.
‘Why for the gods’ sakes did I not know about this?’ Agenor finally ground out.
‘Not my secret to tell,’ I said stiffly and squatted down to scoop Alyra from her spot beside my feet. She found her balance on my shoulder with a contented squeak. ‘If you want to know what he’s actually been doing all this time, maybe stop waiting for me to tell you and just go have a word with him for once?’
His jaw tensed. ‘Like you’re about to do, I gather?’
Did it make sense to deny it? The reflex was frighteningly strong, a testament to weeks and weeks of stifling those addictive stutters of my heart, of trying to play by my guardians’ rules at least in the public eye. But no one would believe I was about to go to sleep, and what was the sense in lying if it would only fan their suspicions?
Oh, to hell with it. Let them be unhappy with me. Let them worry about my poor unblemished innocence. Creon needed me, and choices had to be made.
‘Just want to make sure he’s alright,’ I said – such a mind-blowingly simple sentence, tumbling over my lips so mind-blowingly easily. ‘Let me know if you come up with any other ideas about the Cobalt Court.’
I heard them resume their conversation as I walked off through the darkening forest. Heard my name, Creon’s name, something about the defences of the Mother’s memorial. Tared sounded unhappy. Agenor sounded politely aggrieved.
I’d deal with their displeasure later. For now, I had better things to do.
Chapter 29
Creon’shutwasidenticalto mine, although his bed had not been made before our arrival and the washing bowl on his table was accompanied by a significantly smaller assortment of soaps than I had received.
It was also empty.
I muttered a curse and stepped back outside, considering whether this was enough of an emergency to stumble around a rapidly darkening forest to find him. Before I could come to a decision, Alyra launched herself from my shoulder and flapped to my own little dome of braided branches, then peered at me with a look that said,so much head, so little brain.
Oh. Of course.
I rolled my eyes at her, threw a last glance over my shoulder, and when no one appeared to be following me, slipped through my own beaded curtain.
Creon had collapsed into the wool and linen of my bed, his eyes closed, his hair unbound and brushing loosely over his shoulders. His wings lay spread out over the abundance of pillows and blankets, the black velvet so dark in the falling twilight that it seemed they were sucking up the last sunlight that fell through the wall. As I tiptoed in, he looked up and smiled – but it was a faint smile, a fragile thing that could shatter at the first nudge.
This, I decided, was not going to be a conversation for birds.
‘Alyra,’ I said quietly. The thin walls did not give the impression they would conceal any sound louder than a deep sigh. ‘Would you do me a very important favour and make a quick flight around the island? I want to be sure the fae aren’t unexpectedly coming back.’
Alyra proudly and fearsomely puffed out her chest, then hopped outside and soared out of sight. Creon gave another unconvincing smile but didn’t move. The slump of his shoulders was a disconcerting sign – a hint that I still didn’t fully understand his reasons for walking, that he was plagued by more than the possibility of an unkind word or two.
‘What’s the matter?’ I whispered, cautiously arranging the beads before I stepped deeper into the dusky little dome.
He sat up with a soundless groan, tucking in his left wing to make room for me on the bed.Agenor.
‘I figured, yes, but what exactly did he do to—’
Ask his fucking questions, Creon signed, pulling a face. His signs were sloppy and exhausted; he barely lifted his hand more than an inch from the blankets.
I blinked. ‘His questions?’
