“What do you mean if? You guys are great together. You’re like- you’re like the ‘you guys’ I always knew you could be.”
“Yeah.”
“So why would you even say that?”
“I don’t know. I think I still feel depressed from our vodka night the other day.”
She nodded. “Yeah, it’ll take a few days to get that out of your system.”
“And I don’t want to get my hopes up. I feel like if I get my hopes up, my defenses will go down and two seconds later my heart will get dragged through the mud.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“But it could.”
“You shouldn’t think like that though. It can’t be healthy.”
“I’m just trying to be realistic,” I said. “The truth of the matter is the guy’s got a short attention span when it comes to women, and while I’m delighted to be in his good graces at the minute, it would be foolish to think his feelings will last forever.”
“And what about your feelings?”
“What about them?”
“Do you feel like they’re going to change?”
“Of course not. But I’ve always cared about him in a totally unhealthy, all in sort of way.”
“So why would you think he’d feel any different?”
“I guess-”
“Maybe check that toast.”
“Oh yeah.” I turned towards the toaster and pressed the button to eject her slice. “Good call.”
Fiona slid off the counter and walked over to me. “Anyway,” she said, sticking the knife in the jar. “You were saying…”
“What was the question?”
“Why would you think his feelings would change if you don’t think yours will?”
“Cause he hasn’t always felt this way like I have so I can imagine him not feeling this way again, whereas I don’t know any other way to feel. If that makes sense.”
“It makes sense,” she said, leaving the knife in the jar and biting into her toast. “It’s stupid, but it makes sense.”
“You really think it’s stupid?”
She nodded while she chewed. “I do.”
I wondered if she was right. Maybe I was totally overthinking the whole thing.
“How can you eat this without milk?” she asked, setting her slice down on the counter and walking to the fridge.
“I think you might be right.”
“About Aiden or the milk?”
“Both.”