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God, he’s growing up too fast. I push myself up to sitting and let out a long sigh. “Okay, I’m getting up. I’m getting up.”
“You’re not getting up, Mama…” he teases.
And lord knows if I didn’t have to I wouldn’t. I’m running on only a few hours of sleep thanks to Rex (and I mean it, thank you Rex) and because Rex promised he’d see Leo today, Rex made today a four-year-old’s best day ever starting with a pancake breakfast, then a visit to an exotic animal sanctuary where Leo got to hold not one but two snakes, then McDonald’s because what kid doesn’t love McDonald’s, then go-karting, and topping out the day with ice cream. Yes. Dessert for dinner.
Everywhere we went, there were eyes on us. Not because of Rex, at least I don’t think. He wrangled his dark hair up under a baseball cap and wore sunglasses at every opportunity. No, I think they were looking at us because we were so fucking adorable.
Leo is always the star of the show wherever he goes. With his bright, wide eyes and perpetual smile, he attracts loving looks from everyone. I fade into the background and I’ve always been content with that.
But today I had people coming up to me remarking on how cute my family was. How lucky I was to have a husband that was so involved.
And I agreed with them.
Rex and I haven’t taken off our rings. This fake marriage dating whatever the hell is a mess and a half, but I’m having too much fun playing pretend.
I think he is too.
“Okay, I’m up!” I announce, pushing myself to standing. “You want to read one of your new books?”
Yeah, I left out the shopping spree. New toys, books, whatever Leo’s heart desired, which included a new vacuum because Leo remarked in passing that he liked the electric blue color. Rex is blinded by Leo’s cuteness. As he should be.
Leo’s forehead creases and he holds up his arms, wriggling his fingers. That’s his sign he wants a hug and a cuddle more than a story. I’m always happy to give them because there will come a day when he won’t want to cuddle with his boring and embarrassing mom anymore.
“Come here, papi,” I say, taking a seat beside him on the bed and wrapping him in my arms. I rock him back and forth, kissing the crown of his head. “We had a long day today, didn’t we?”
Leo giggles. “It was fuuuun.”
“It was fuuuun,” I repeat and kiss his nose. “What was your favorite part?”
Leo taps his chin with a finger. “Mmm. All of it.”
“All of it?! What a good day.”
He sighs in contentment. “Best day of my life.”
My body grows lighter with the comment. Tugs at my heartstrings. “Wow. What… what made it the best?”
“Rex always says yes!” Leo says.
To a fault, parenting books would say.
“And you and abuela don’t always say yes,” he goes on. No judgment in his voice. Just a fact.
I smile sadly. “Well, we can’t always say yes to everything, Leo. We’re trying to take care of you.”
“I guess.” His lips pooch out and his hazel eyes drift away from me. There’s still something on his mind.
I drag the back of my hand across his cheek. His skin against mine, two different tones of different sand, his lighter than mine. Rex has never been far from my mind when I look at my son. I’ve just always pretended I’m not thinking of him when I’m really thinking of him always.
“He doesn’t get tired of me,” Leo says.
My mouth falls open. “I don’t get tired of you, mijo.”
“But you’re always too tired to play with me,” he says.
I didn’t grow up with my parents playing with me. They had to work. Had to make a life for their children in a new country. I had my siblings though, so I never felt alone. Of course, I play with Leo. When I have the energy. But I don’t have it a lot. My job is demanding and when I’m home, I have to be a mother, which is more complicated than sitting down and playing with my son. He doesn’t understand that, though. He’s four years old. Almost five. I can’t count on him understanding any time soon.
“I’m sorry I’ve made you feel like I don’t want to play with you,” I say. “I’ll do better.”
