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We lay there for a long while. I know I vowed to be in the moment, but I can’t help remembering times out here when we were younger and an ending was promised. How were we able to fall so deep into each other knowing it would end?
“What are you thinking?” he asks, trailing his fingers up and down my waist.
“I’m…” A fool. An idiot. An arrogant bitch. For thinking that life without risk would be easier than one with him. “I’m sad.”
Rex jerks. “What?!”
“No, no, that was amazing,” I say, clinging to his arm and looking up into his eyes. “I’m just sad that we missed our chance.”
His brow tightens. “You mean… to be together?”
I nod. “I thought we made the right call.”
Rex nods. “I think we did. You think a resident and a budding rock star could have made a relationship work?”
The thought sends me into hysterics.
“Am I wrong?”
I clap my hand to my belly. “No, you’re right, I mean, that would have been a mess.”
“And who knows, maybe we would have made it harder on Leo by being a mess rather than being…” Rex’s whole expression perks up. “This.”
This? What really has changed though? Instead of a resident, I’m a strung-out doctor. Instead of a budding rockstar, he’s a world-renowned one. If we were opposed before, I think we’re different poles now.
“Maybe we can have another chance at it,” Rex says. “What do you think?”
I place my hand against his chest. His heart thumps in my palm, cadence strong and sure.
But that’s not life.
I give him an apologetic look. “I don’t know, Rex.”
The hopeful expression tightens. He’s trying to hide the hurt and isn’t good at succeeding. Sensitive, remember? “Don’t tell me I’m the only one feeling like this is everything.”
“You’re not, I just… I’m scared.”
“What are you afraid of?”
I stare up at him. Galaxies unfold in his green eyes. A whole universe. A lifetime. “We’re so different.”
“Fuck that,” he says.
“Easy for you to say! Our lives are complete opposites. I’ve settled down and you –”
“Want to settle down.”
I scoff. “You’ll get tired of settling down in a month. I guarantee it.”
“You can’t guarantee anything.”
I clutch his collar in my hand, desperation creeping through me. “That’s just it, Rex. I need a guarantee. It’s not just me. It’s my son.”
His lips thin. “Our son.”
I run my hand over my face. “Right, I… I’m not used to that yet.”
Rex massages my waist. “Neither am I. But I’d like to get used to it.”
