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I glared at him, then looked over at the bedroom door. "I'd rather not get into it. You wouldn't understand."
The sensation of Nova's hand wrapped around my throat was still there. It hadn't faded, and the phantom sensation of his fingers squeezing into my flesh wreaked havoc on my body in a way that was far from the usual.
I was eager to feel it again. All of it. From the asphyxiation to the pleasure, it was all I could think about as I sat on my bed, unable to ascertain whether it was a dream or illusion. Or just outright madness.
"Try me," Aidan encouraged, coming over to my bed and sitting beside me. "You know I'll never judge you."
"That's the problem," I complained, something stuck in my throat. I knew the feeling, but I refused to acknowledge I could still have it.
Years ago, I discarded them—emotions that weren't rage or confidence. This emotion wasn't one I wanted to feel. It wasn't helpful, the anxiety. It only held me back. Made me weak. Confused my head.
After spending years locked inside a coffin of sadness, anxiety, and confusion, I refused to go back to the girl I once was. I refused to let uncertainty burden me the way it had growing up under the thumb of terrible men.
Yet, it hit me. It plowed through me like I hadn't overcome shit. Like I hadn't gotten stronger or older. Like I hadn't given up my humanity in favor of violence and vengeful slaughter.
In a swift moment, I was back to that anxious little girl, not sure whether or not to flee for the sake of saving myself from what I knew was coming. It had been a very long time since I wanted to run away.
Sighing, I stole another look at the closed door before sinking fingers into my hair and breathing out the tension in my chest.
The second my hands returned to my lap, one of Aidan's took hold of them and immediately stole my gaze. "It's just us in here. You can tell me whatever’s bothering you. I won't say anything, just listen."
I offered the door another glance, confident we wouldn't be heard but uncomfortable knowing others were nearby.
In our group of rebel Shadow Stalkers, only five of us lived together in the expensive four-room condo Aidan owned. It was well furnished and everything was top of the line. It wouldn't be exaggeration to say we wanted for nothing living with him.
Thanks to his lineage and successful business ventures, Aidan was well off and didn't struggle for money. Honestly, he was one of the humblest rich assholes you'd ever meet. I didn't think Aidan even knew how to brag.
The nine other demon hunters chose to share places or live alone depending on their personal preferences and income. Aidan didn't have a rule about where or how they lived, only that they showed up when called.
It didn't matter because most times we were at Aidan's place, talking demons, anticipating the next mission, and going over plans while mapping out our next move. Rarely did anyone leave for longer than a few hours to sleep; if they were gone for longer, it wasn't to their place but on a mission.
Most of these demon hunters lived and breathed this dangerous, twenty-four-seven lifestyle. Their motives might seem straightforward, but humans were inherently corrupt. I'd argue I wasn't the only one who was desperate to get vengeance. A few of the crew had that edge to them. Most of the ones who did weren't terribly annoyed by me, and those were the ones I gravitated towards whenever I was forced to choose a partner.
As previously mentioned, only in protest did Ty and I ever work together. The dude made it clear to Aidan from day one he didn't like me, and that suited me just fine. At least Ty was consistent. Most of the other demon hunters went back and forth between being fine with me to outright despising me. Not that I cared. Though, more often than not, Aidan volunteered himself and no one else.
Aidan refused to let me get my own place, and I didn't care enough to argue about it. Sadly, as a result, a ridiculous number of rumors circulated about us. Because there was only one other woman in our group of misfits, everyone was convinced the beautiful asshole and I were a thing. I didn't feed into the fuss.
I ignored it. It was pointless to be bothered by baseless accusations, and I didn't have time to address all the fucking nonsense. I didn't owe any one of these bastards an explanation. If not for Aidan, I wouldn't bother with most of them anyway.
Aidan and I shared a room because, at his core, the leader of our misfit crew didn't trust me. Oh, he claimed to. He said over and over that he knew I'd never do anything to put the Shadow Stalkers in danger. The thing was, I would. But it didn't matter when I said as much. Aidan didn't believe me. He thought I was jaded and slow to trust. I was, but I also didn't have time to concoct elaborate lies to cater to the other assholes in the group.
Truth of the matter was, if not for Aidan, I'd throw the lot of them under the bus to achieve my demon-killing goal. I couldn't be trusted. I'd leave the rest of them to fend for themselves if it meant getting my guy.
Aside from Serena.
I was confident that devil’s child would come with me and leave her fellow demon hunters behind given the chance. She was a pistol, that one, and I admired her for it.
I rarely talked to men, let alone women, so she was the only introduction I had to the female psyche that wasn't my own. She wasn't very different from me, and I'd bonded with her to some degree, though not on the level I had with Aidan. Being the only woman in a long line of male Shadow Stalkers meant she didn't care for their egos or self-important speeches. It wasn't a secret she was better than all of them and on the same level as Aidan who had better tutelage. Still, not one single asshole except Aidan acknowledged the superior skill she had.
Those assholes were too fucking self-absorbed to give credit where credit was due.
Thankfully, Serena didn't entertain bullshit. The dark-eyed killer didn't fall into the web of gossip no matter what was said about her. Ironic as that may be. Here, the men were the rumor mill and we women couldn’t give two shits about any of it.
Take that, stereotypes!
We went out, did our respective jobs, and didn't try to make friends along the way. For that reason, we women weren't really regarded very highly in the group.
Male egos and all that.
