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I take a step forward only for her to step back. “I can do this dance with you all night, Nina. I’ve been away from you too long, not being near you is not possible.”
“It has to be!” she yells at me, her voice echoing in the house. “You need to tell me the truth and then I can find my way home. Then, we can be out of each other’s lives forever. I can get a new job—”
“—A new job? The sanctuary needs you, Nina. You can’t leave the lions.” If she left them, it would be a nail in the coffin for us because she’d be saying she was leaving me.
“With what money? Don’t you see, Simon? There is no more sanctuary. We can’t afford to feed the lion or tigers. We can barely pay the staff. I’ve already had to let three people go. The sanctuary won’t last another month. I just had a job interview. You think I’d just leave the lions? The same ones I have been with since they were cubs? I’m not like you,” she spits with all the venom that’s built up inside her over the years. “I don’t leave the ones who need me.”
Her words make me snap. I charge until I’m standing right in front of her. “Do you think leaving was easy for me? Do you think I woke up one day and decided to leave everything I loved behind?” I raise my voice, needing her to hear how tortured I’ve been, needing her to see on my face how burdened I’ve become.
She lifts her chin, her bottom lip wobbling just as more tears wet the tops of her cheeks. Her mascara is starting to run, light black streaks reflect the hallway light catching the wet path down her face.
“Yes, I do. There’s no other explanation. You did decide to leave. You left me.” She pokes my chest. “In bed. Naked. With nothing but the memory of you being my first. You left everyone. Me, your friends, your mom. Have you even talked to her? Or checked on her? Don’t you want to know?”
It’s a punch in the gut when she brings up all the ways I’ve failed as a man, friend, and son. My eyes burn with regret. “Of course I want to know,” I croak, guilt eating away at my soul at how I’ve treated my mother. “I think about her every day, but she’s better off without me and so are you. So is the sanctuary.”
She scoffs, rearing back as if I’ve slapped her. “Is that what you’ve told yourself so you can sleep better at night? So you can ignore your responsibilities as the heir to the St. Claire throne? Is it too much for you to handle? All that power, all that money, all that attention, with so many people counting on you,” she sneers, her disappointment evident in her cutting gaze.
I lift my eyes from the floor, my own tears breaking free as the last ten years slam inside me. I back her against the wall, my hand flattening at the base of her neck to keep her pinned so she can’t move. My shadow engulfs her as I tower over her small, delicate, and fragile frame.
I feel like one of those lions we took care of our entire lives, cornering my prey. “Is that how low you think of me? Do you truly think I’m as shallow as running away from being in charge? You think I left you in bed, probably still aching from me claiming your virginity, still wet with my come, my marks all over your body because I couldn’t handle the pressure?” As I speak, I lean in closer, noticing the pace of her breath quickening in what I hope is lust. “Leaving you killed me. A part of me died. I was darkened that day. How we…” I shake my head. “The way we had one another for the first time, the moment wasn’t right. You deserved better than me. I was broken by my father’s death, and you always made me feel better. You changed my life that night, Nina. I loved you more than I ever had as you trusted me to take care of you. I left because I’m the reason for my father’s death and I couldn’t bear killing you too.”
“You killed me anyway,” she whispers, glancing away from me. “You said when you left me, it killed you, but I died every day you weren’t there, Simon. Little pieces of me stopped existing, my heart’s beat changed to a new rhythm because I had to learn to live again without you, but every day, those little pieces would be missed.” Her eyes lift and meet mine, the heartache I’ve caused drips down her face. I cup her cheek, wiping the pain away. “I’ll never get them back because you own them. I’ll never be the same because I’ve died inside too many times for you. You think you saved me by leaving, but all you did was the one thing you didn’t want to do— you killed me anyway. I’d rather you bury me now because I can’t keep doing this, wishing for the hope of you. Put me out of my misery, Simon. Let me go home.”
My hand slides up her neck, gently wrapping around her throat as I press my forehead against hers. “I can’t do that. I can’t let you go when I finally have you again.” I can’t be without the feeling of home again, but I won’t say that because I’m not sure if I can go back yet. Mistletoe Creek isn’t my home anyway.
Nina is.
And I’ve forgotten how good home feels. She’s the sigh after walking through the door after a long day’s work, the warmth of a blanket drifting over me on the couch, the safety I feel within the walls of the house, the peace of looking out the window to the view of the forest.
“Please,” she begs me, pleading with me to let her go.
“No.”
I simply can’t.
And won’t.
Chapter Five
Nina
“No? What do you mean no?”
The rough glide of his calloused hand from all that hard mechanic work slides around to the back of my neck, clutching it tightly in his hold.
He growls. “Just what it fucking means, Nina. No.”
And for the second time today, his mouth crashes against mine, and like a damn fool, I kiss him back because Simon has always been the wish.
The kiss isn’t slow. It isn’t elegant. Simon is commanding, owning my lips, forcing his tongue over mine. He’s demanding that I kiss him back. He’s leaving me no choice— not that I needed one. Kissing him will be the one thing I never deny.
His fingers dig into my hair, curling at the root, then tugs until my head tilts back and my throat is exposed. A feral sheen morphs his eyes, a hunger that can’t be denied.
“And the answer will always be no. Do you understand that?”
I narrow my eyes at him, wanting to challenge his dominance. “No, because as far as I’m concerned, your silence over the years has spoken louder than anything you could say right now.”
His top lip curls in a silent growl, clearly not liking the distaste of my answer. He presses himself to me, his long thick cock hard against me. My eyes flutter shut at the memory of how good he felt inside me, how he stretched and filled every inch he could.
