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“Oh God that would be wonderful.” I managed a small groan of desire at the mere thought. “Maybe after a few days’ sleep first though, please?”
*****
“Lilith? Lili?”
I was awoken by Finn gently shaking my shoulder; it seemed like I’d only been asleep for five minutes. I opened one eye and winced; the glare from the reading light seemed exceedingly bright for some reason. “Hmm?”
“Sorry for waking you love, but you know earlier? When you asked if I was okay?”
“Mmph. What time is it?” I forced my eyes open a little more and tried to focus on the clock. Just gone two in the morning. “I mean, yep.”
“Well I was. Then. Kinda. But I’m a… wee bit twitchy now, if I’m honest.” Which was both a typical Finn Strachan understatement and a warning. I woke up properly then and spotted that he’d already bitten his thumbnails down to a bloody quick, and his entire body was positively thrumming with tension. Not good. I sat up and tried to ignore the fact that the world gave a little lurch as I did so. “How long have you been awake?”
He shrugged. “Haven’t actually been to sleep yet,” he said, and I noticed he was still dressed in the jeans and t-shirt he’d changed into when we returned to the hotel. “And I can’t even go for a swim because the pool’s closed for maintenance.”
“Do you have a Plan B?” I asked, and automatically threaded my fingers through his as if I might pass tranquillity to him through touch alone.
“Yeah, but I don’t know if you’ll approve,” he said.
“Go on?”
“I reckon I’m going to need to get outside for a bit, just to walk it off. Would you be okay with that? You’ll be safe here at the hotel and I’ll be an hour, no more and I’ll have my phone with me.”
I tried to think straight. On the one hand there was the risk of him developing concussion halfway through his walk and falling into the Liffey, or worse, bumping into yet another O’Halloran clone or some other as-yet-unknown foe; but on the other was the prospect of him having another meltdown in the confines of our room.
Ultimately there was no chance that Finn would have spoken up like this if it wasn’t an emergency, so there was no choice at all really. The lesser of two evils was always going to have to be whatever was best for Finn’s health.
I sighed. “Okay. Just stay safe, please? I’m guessing you know this city better than anyone, so stick to well-lit streets and keep your phone in your hand at all times, okay?”
I saw him doubt himself for a moment. “You sure you’ll be okay while I’m gone? You took quite a whack there yourself.”
“Oh, I’ll be fine.” I tentatively touched the spot on my cheek where Kathleen O’Halloran had hit me. “Bit of a headache, but nothing a good night’s sleep won’t fix.”
“Ah, that’s no good.” He frowned and placed his hand on my forehead, and I leaned into the chill of it. “You’re definitely a wee bit warm. Lili, you know I wouldn’t be doing this if…”
“I know,” I said as I shooed him with my hand, trying to appear as relaxed as possible about the whole thing. “I know. Now go. Stay safe. I love you.”
“I love you too,” he replied as he pulled his favourite hoodie over his head and grabbing his parka. “And I’ll be back before you know it.” He gave me a reassuring smile and stepped out into the night.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Finn
So I walked.
Physically I felt safe enough; the awareness I’d had to develop when I’d worked these same streets had never fully left me and the icy rain fell in great sheets so that the pavements had turned to mirrors. Only fools and mad men would be out on a night like this. I was a fair old mixture of both, so all I needed to do was calm my pounding heart and try not to let it explode.
I headed down Grafton Street and its shuttered, decoration-bedecked tourist stores with some poor bastard in a sleeping bag in every doorway, then over O’Connell Bridge before heading along Custom House Quay where the Liffey sucked and slapped against the seaweed and barnacle-encrusted struts and flowed shining and oil-black.
The tang of the sea hung thick in the foggy air and I let my feet find their own rhythm and focused on my breathing, letting each stride become its own meditation as I passed the looming shadows of the great Custom House itself. I turned my face into the wind, pulled my sodden coat tighter around myself and forged on.
Lilith
As soon as Finn left our room I did my best to get back to sleep. I curled like a chrysalis into the depths of the vast duvet, hoping that the warmth and darkness would carry me over, but the moment I closed my eyes my stomach clenched so painfully that I cried out and broke out into a cold sweat.
I lurched from the bed as the world spun around me, and just made it to the bathroom before vomiting up what felt like the remains of every meal I’d eaten in the past year.
When it appeared I was finally finished I gripped the toilet seat and tried to stand, but my legs collapsed under me. “Oh for fuck’s sake,” I muttered into the gloom, just as my stomach spasmed again.
