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I squeezed his hand. “Then I kick her in the shins as hard as I can, and we run away really fast.”
“Aye, you bloody would as well.” Finn turned around to flash me a quick grin, his teeth flashing white in the gloom of the corridor, and with that there was no more backing out.
As soon as we stepped over the threshold of the Drover’s back room Finn was nearly sent flying by a titian-haired whirlwind who launched herself at him with a joyful cry of “Tack!”
I did the only thing I could in the circumstances: let go of his hand and stepped back.
It was then that I felt my own knees wobble. Whilst Finn got his lungs crushed by his sister I found myself a barstool in the far corner of the room and took a couple of precautionary blasts of my inhaler. To my surprise it appeared that I had been considerably more nervous than I’d first assumed.
“Um, hi there?” A bass rumble from behind me made me start. I turned and found myself staring at the substantial midriff of a bearded, black-clad yeti.
“Bloody hell, you’re tall,” I said before I could find a more suitably polite greeting.
“Feargal. That is, I’m Feargal. Feargal Kendrick. Niamh’s my, I mean, I’m her… Oh bugger. Pleased to meet you,” the yeti stuttered, and held out a huge, tattooed, sweating paw for me to shake.
“Lilith Bresson,” I said, and attempted an approximation of a welcoming smile.
“Er, I know. Oh God. Oh my God, you really are, as well. You’re actually Lilith bloody Bresson.”
My hand remained clamped in an increasingly moist grip and I glanced down.
“Oh fuck. Sorry!” Feargal finally released his grip and wiped his palm on the back of his jeans. This was usually the point where I would walk out, because if someone was this flustered by simply saying ‘hi’ to me, they were either a starfucker, an idiot or a delightful mixture of the two.
I was horrified to realise I was stuck, because the man standing in front of me was the nearest thing I had to a brother-in-law; any future get-togethers were going to be bloody awkward if I turned on my heel and left.
Feargal suddenly gave me a wry smile. “Well I’ve proper bolloxed this up, haven’t I? Niamh is going to bloody murder me – I promised I’d be on my best behaviour and everything. So, um, would you mind if I gave this introduction business another try?”
“Of course.” I extended my hand and Feargal took it again and gave a polite cough.
“I’m Feargal Arthur Kendrick, partner of Niamh Strachan. Delighted to meet you.”
I gave a gracious nod. “Lilith Bresson, partner of Finn Strachan. Likewise.”
This time, Feargal managed to conduct a brief, firm and thankfully dry handshake.
“So was your mum always an Undertones fan?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah, like massive,” Feargal replied, then did a double take. “Ooh. You did that thing. Um, how…?”
“It’s not the most usual name for your age group, you’re from a musical family, and the last bit’s fifty-fifty, but I get the feeling your mum’s the more dominant parent.” It had actually been a ridiculously easy read, but Feargal seemed happy enough with my parlour trick, and he visibly relaxed as gave me a huge grin of delight.
“Wow. That’s just brilliant, that is! Saw you doing it to that twat Buckle last year, but I never thought you’d be doing it to me.”
“Fabulous. So now we’ve bonded over our love of art and a hatred of Johnny Buckle, I actually think that counts as being sociable, don’t you?”
“Oh yeah, definitely. Well, thank fuck that first bit’s over; Niamh I always make a complete tit of myself, like. You want a drink? My mate said we could just help ourselves, so you’ve got a pretty good choice.”
I scanned the well-stocked shelves. “If I take a mineral water back to the table, is it too early for a quick double brandy at the bar?” I asked.
Feargal’s tension dropped away a little more again. “Ooh, that sounds like an amazing plan to me. Would you be okay with me joining you in that?”
“Of course.” I gave him a brisk pat on the arm. “It’s terribly common to drink alone.”
Suitably fortified, Feargal and I loaded a tray with soft drinks and half a dozen packets of crisps and took them over to where Finn and his sister sat. I was just wondering how best to introduce myself to Niamh when she solved my dilemma by employing the same human tornado technique she’d used on her brother.
“Oh God, thank you! Thank you so much! You got my brother back! You rescued Tack!” She sobbed and laughed simultaneously as she clung onto me.
“Um, you’re welcome?” I offered, realising to my disgust that I was currently the most emotionally illiterate idiot in the place. Then to my surprise I found myself gingerly putting my arms around her in a careful embrace, in the hope that this gesture would say more than my meagre words.
