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Finally I felt him tense slightly against me and there was the slightest shift in his breath. “Once,” he said and his hand found mine. Another pause. “And you don’t need to ask what I’m on about, do you?”
“No, and you don’t need to tell me.”
“I know. But I want to be able to do what you did earlier – just come out and say stuff without it leading to some kinda existential trauma. That, and Dublin’s a very small city.”
“Okay.” I pushed myself up onto my elbows to face him. “In that case, can I ask you two questions first?”
Finn shrugged. “Sure.”
“One. Did you want to do it?”
“Um yeah, I guess. He wasn’t a punter. Just a lad who went to the same drop-in. We ended up sleeping in a half-decent hostel and he gave me a hand-job.”
“Two. And did you enjoy it?”
“I suppose… Well yeah, I did. In as much as I enjoyed anything back then.”
I gave him my sagest nod. “Ah. So you’ve just spent a couple of hours gently freaking out about telling me you had a consensual sexual encounter with someone who made you feel good, at a time the rest of your life was going to hell?”
“Yeah.” Finn gave a soft chuckle. “Yeah I am, now you put it like that.”
“Good. Well if we do happen to see him, remind me to buy him a pint.”
“God, but I love you, lady.” Finn grabbed me and rolled me on top of him and covered my face with kisses. The darkness did nothing for his aim, and some landed on my eyelids, others on my nose.
“Love you too,” I said, turning my face so that the next kiss managed to hit my ear. “Er, do you think Sceolan will mind if you’re a little late with your date?”
Finn considered my question then shook his head. “Nah, he can wait another half hour. He’s like you, after all. A very understanding little creature indeed.”
Chapter Fourteen
Lilith
We gave ourselves another two full days to settle in before arranging to meet Niamh and Feargal, her partner. We’d been emailing regularly since her first contact, but that bit was easy; Finn could reply when he was ready, go for a swim or a walk with Sceolan once he’d reached his emotional limit, or just switch off the computer. Face-to-face was going to be an entirely different challenge and for Finn, the meeting day started ridiculously early.
“Right. That’s enough.” I fumbled for my phone and blearily focused on the time. “Four sodding twenty-six AM, Strachan. You’ve been pacing the floor for an hour and a half now, so before we get hit with a bill for a threadbare carpet is there anything else we can do that might actually help?”
“Sorry.” Finn ran his hands through his hair and I could see the newly-raw skin around his fingernails. “I was tryin’ not to wake you, sweetheart. To be honest half a dozen temazepam and a few vodka chasers’re feelin’ more and more tempting right now.”
That woke me up pretty damn sharpish. “Fuck. Really?”
Finn nodded then hastily added, “But I won’t. I’m just sayin’ that on a scale of one to ten my craving’s probably a seven when it’s generally not been past two for the past few weeks. Even the thought of ploughing into the Pyrenees from forty thousand feet only got me to a five.”
I leaned out of bed and flicked the headboard light on. “Would a swim help?”
“I’m about an eleven out of ten for that,” Finn said “The pool doesn’t open ‘til six though.”
I was already reaching for the bedside phone. “Money may not buy happiness my darling, but it can certainly pay for someone to unlock the doors to a swimming pool.”
Finn
Fifty lengths of the pool with Lili keeping pace by my side just about did the job. I focused on my breathing and swam until my shoulder muscles began to scream and my bloody stupid cravings finally shut the fuck up.
“Better?” Lili asked. Even she was slightly breathless, which suggested I’d been proper going at it.
“Aha. Loads.” I hauled myself out of the water and offered her my hand so that I could lift her next to me.
She pushed her sodden, sleek hair from her face. “You seem calmer now anyway; glad it did the trick. To be honest if I’d have thought you’d stay still long enough I’d have just offered you a blowjob, but…”
