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Can, not Might. Her confident, calm affirmation almost reassured me, but there was something about her tone that suggested there was still something else to come. “What aren’t you telling me?” I asked.
“Ah. Of course.” The doctor closed her book and leaned a little closer to me, inviting my confidence. Not a good sign. “Look Lilith, I’m guessing that Finn’s experiencing a psychotic episode -”
“Guessing?”
Cavendish raised a placatory hand. “Forgive me; probably not the best terminology to use right now. Does ‘Guessing based on thirteen years of study and thirty one years of practice’ sound any better?”
“Somewhat, yes.”
“Good. So, on the basis that I’m very probably right, there’s every chance that this is a one-off psychotic event linked to his withdrawal and the after-affects of his experiences over the last few years. And whilst that’s good news in terms of treatment and recovery, it also means that right now he’s at real risk of hurting himself if we don’t take the necessary precautions.”
Cavendish cleared her throat quietly. Still confident, but whatever was about to come was still rattling her no matter how hard she tried to hide it. “From Finn’s history I know this is going to be a little sensitive, but we’ve had to use a four-point restraint on him for his own safety. It means that for now he’ll be secured to his bed by his ankles and wrists -”
My stomach lurched at the thought. “Oh God, no. Isn’t there some other way?” I pleaded, already knowing the answer.
“I appreciate that this can’t be particularly comfortable for you, but I have my best nurse with him – Luis Sanabria. He’s been with us for the last five years, and to be honest I couldn’t find anyone better if I tried. Although I’d be most grateful if you didn’t share that with him, on the basis that I don’t think our budget would support what he’s worth. I can promise you that he and his team will ensure that he’s looked after.”
“I don’t care if you’ve reanimated the festering corpse of Mother fucking Theresa herself to come and sit at his bedside and mop his brow. If you know as much about our story as you claim, you’ll recall that the last time he was knocked out and stripped, I got a front row seat to watch whilst he was fucked until he bled,” I snapped. “You have no bloody idea what this is going to do to him.”
Cavendish gave me a look that was dangerously close to pity. “Please just hear me out; you saw how agitated he was when he was admitted. The amount of midazolam he’s currently got in his system should be enough to put a fairly hefty rhino under for a day or so, and he’s still trying to fight it.”
She took off her wire-framed glasses and polished them on the sleeve of her blouse. “And as much as anything, I don’t want him to hurt himself – he’s already had a go at pulling his IV out, and I’d really rather my patients left with fewer injuries than they arrived with rather than more; it’s bad for our reputation otherwise.”
“Yeah, me too.” I covered my face with my hands. “Oh God, I’m sorry. My behaviour isn’t exactly helping here, is it?”
Cavendish gave me a surprisingly puckish grin. “Oh, believe me when I tell you I’ve dealt with much worse. Trying to tell the parents of some little trust fund cherub that their clean-living, God-fearing pride and joy has a raging coke habit of galactic proportions is one of my particular favourites. Now, one last thing to check. How long have you been living with Finn?”
“Ten months,” I said, automatically including the six months we’d spent together at Albermarle.
Cavendish nodded and scribbled some final notes. “Jolly good. As far as I’m concerned that classes you as next of kin, otherwise this could have become exceedingly tricky. As soon as he’s able, we’ll offer Finn a consent form. If he’s happy to sign we can discuss his illness in a lot more detail with you but at least it means you can visit him tonight, as soon as Luis has got him settled.”
“Could I stay here?” I asked. “I assume you’ve got guest facilities, for the prices this place charges.”
“Usually as long as it doesn’t distress the patient, I’m perfectly happy for the next of kin to stay here in our guests’ apartment as long as they want.” Cavendish stood and tucked her pen into her jacket pocket. “I need to be clear, Lilith. I’m not sending you away, but right now I am advising you in my professional capacity that for your own health you should go home, get cleaned up, and grab a few hours’ rest. This can’t have been easy for you, and I understand that you’re asthmatic, yes?”
I gave a sharp nod. “I’ve got it controlled.”
“Nonetheless, you’re showing distinct signs of distress and I’d like you to deal with it now rather than ending up as a double booking here. We don’t offer a discount for couples, you know.”
I physically couldn’t argue any more. I was covered in Finn’s dried blood, my legs no longer felt like they belonged to me, and each time I blinked it became harder to open my eyes again.
“Go home, Ms Bresson,” Dr Cavendish said, not unkindly. “Get a shower, get some sleep, and re-enter the fray in a couple of hours. Prepare yourself for a marathon, rather than a sprint.”
“Could I at least say ‘goodnight’ first?” I asked.
“Of course.” Cavendish beckoned me to my feet. “This isn’t a prison, and the only rules we have are to protect our patients and their loved ones. Take all the time you need.”
The doctor led me to a darkened room down the corridor. A sturdy, olive-skinned young man with black close-cropped hair was by Finn’s bedside, flicking through the sheaf of notes that had already been generated since our arrival. He stood to greet me with a warm, genuine grin. “Hi there, Ms Bresson. I’m Luis Sanabria, senior psych nurse. I’ll be in charge of Mr Strachan’s care whilst he’s with us.” His English was lightly accented but predictably perfect.
“Just ‘Lilith’ will be fine.” I did my best to return the smile, but I couldn’t help but glance past Luis at his patient, who currently looked like a particularly abused murder victim laid out for viewing.
Finn’s left hand had been bandaged, a dressing had been secured over the impact wounds on his forehead, and leather restraints secured his slender wrists and ankles to the bed frame. An IV line had also been inserted and taped into the back of his right hand, and I wondered how deeply unconscious he must have been to allow the needle to enter his vein. Once again my throat tightened and I found myself fighting against tears.
“Hey hey, I know it looks pretty frightening at first, but this is only to keep him safe, you know that, right? Come look.” Luis, clearly a terminally cheerful soul, beckoned me to Finn’s side. “See? The cuffs are real soft – they’re not going to hurt him and I swear on my mother’s life that as soon as we’re happy that he’s calm enough to know what’s going on, they come straight off. Same with the heavy sedation – that stops as soon as possible, so we can start getting him fixed. That sound OK?”
I ran my fingers softly over the wrist restraints. As Luis had assured me, the material was soft and padded and there was no pressure on the skin but I knew that none of that would make any difference to Finn once he awoke. “You’ll be here, won’t you?” I pleaded. “He’s going to be terrified when he comes round. You’ll need to tell him where he is – this place, who you are, everything – as soon as he wakes up, and let him know I’m safe. Oh, and he hates being touched by…” I gave it a moment’s thought. “Well, by just about anyone, actually. And don’t switch the light off. Ever.”
“Okay, no problem. And just so you know, he won’t be left alone for a second,” Luis said. “When someone’s got that amount of midazolam in their system and they’re in restraints we have to watch over them twenty-four seven, and we change observers every hour so we don’t miss any details. It’s procedure, sure, but I’d like to think it was common sense, too. I mean, if that were me lying there, I’d want someone like me keeping an eye on things.”
