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I should have gone to his side, but I chose to murder Vanessa Latimer instead.
I was no stranger to fury; throughout my life I’d left an entire casualty department’s worth of victims in my wake. In the past four years alone I’d broken three noses, kneed more genitals than I cared to count and even nearly gouged out a would-be-mugger’s eyes with my thumbs, but I’d never felt rage like this.
I dived across the room, scattering chairs and sending empty glasses tumbling, and snatched the mobile away. I flung the cursed thing against the wall where it smashed into countless pieces then swung around and punched Vanessa in the mouth.
My right fist connected with her teeth. She gave a wet screech of fear and pain, and made a desperate attempt to grab my wrists. I hit her again and this time I landed a hook on her jaw so that she slid down the wall and slumped to the floor.
“For fuck’s sake Lilith, you’re going to kill her!” Nat tried to drag me away from Vanessa. “Look at him!” he yelled, and I was about to throw a punch in Nat’s direction for good measure when he grabbed my face with both hands and forced me to look at Finn, who had picked up a shard of shattered glass from the table.
As we watched he calmly dragged it down his left wrist and palm, frowning in concentration as he watched the blood begin to drip and spatter across the white linen tablecloth.
“Oh God no...” I cried, and left Vanessa screaming like a harpy on the floor. I and ran to Finn but I was too late to be of any help. He looked at me in breathless fear, and I knew he no longer recognised me. As I drew closer he backed away with a choked sob of terror.
“Finn sweetheart, it’s okay, it’s me, Lili,” I murmured, slowly edging towards him with my open hands outstretched. “No one’s going to hurt you.” As soon as I was close enough I risked touching him gently on the forearm, usually the last safe place where he would accept contact. Too late. “I don’t know you,” he howled, and pushed me away with his bloodied hand, hard enough for me to stagger backwards into the nearest table. Before I could stop him he turned and bolted out of the door.
Nat and I followed him but his panic gave him a speed I hadn’t realised he possessed. As he ran into the crowd that had gathered to watch the procession he was swallowed up and lost.
*****
Nat and I split up to search for Finn. I ran down every bustling road and side street in the town centre and even retraced our steps back to my apartment in the forlorn hope that Finn might have instinctively made his way back home. After an hour of desperate and fruitless searching I could feel the panic rising in my already-tight chest. The last thing I wanted to do was bring in the police, but with every minute that passed my choices were diminishing.
Just as I stood in my gateway and tried to pluck up the courage to dial Santa Marita’s police station, my phone burst into a jarringly upbeat rendition of Borodin’s Polovtsian Dances and Nat’s name flashed up on the caller display. My hand began to shake as I answered the call.
“I’ve found him, Lilith,” Nat said, his voice thick with concern. “He’s by the church in the Plaza del Cristo - Santa María Magdalena, yeah? There’s a big group from the procession still here, and it looks like he’s having a complete meltdown. He’s just collapsed in the doorway, but some of the police from the parade have just turned up and I reckon he’s going to take a swing at them any second if they get much closer…”
In the background I could hear Finn’s incoherent howls of anguish and fear. “Shit. Oh Shit. I’m on my way. Call an ambulance – make sure you tell them it’s a psych emergency – and let the police know that he’ll be going to the Clinica del Valle. Do not let them take him anywhere else.” I kicked off my shoes and added, “And if he gets arrested, I’ll fucking Vanessa and then I’ll kill you.” I ended the call and began a frantic, barefoot sprint across town.
Once I arrived in the town square it was all too easy to spot where Finn was. A fair part of the crowd that had originally gathered to watch the end of the parade was now being treated to the entertaining spectacle of a man breaking apart before their eyes and at least a hundred people milled around the entrance to the church, content to stand by the glowing braziers, beer and warm churros in hand, to watch the show.
I shoved, elbowed and kicked my way through the mob. A few brave souls turned to challenge me, but as soon as they caught a glimpse of the bloodstained and wild-eyed woman charging at them they thought better of it and stood aside to let me past.
By the time I got to the front of the crowd there were six police officers forming a cordon between me and Finn, but I could see him huddled in the church doorway where he was sobbing with fear and confusion, finally cornered by whatever demons pursued him.
One unfortunate young officer was already sitting on the steps of a nearby baker’s shop having his bloodied nose attended to by a first aider; it looked as though Finn had already started fighting back.
To my disgust I noticed that a good handful of the vultures who’d gathered to watch already had their phones held up to take photos or film the action. As soon as they saw me near Finn, they made the connection to the terrified, bloodied young man in the church doorway – the notorious Lilith Bresson, and The Prisoner of Albermarle – together in a new and exciting drama, and at least three tabloids would have their front page for the morning.
“Lilith!” Nat’s voice rang out over the clamour, and he struggled to my side. “Ambulance is here,” he panted and pointed to where the vehicle had parked up. To my relief there were no flashing lights or sirens to send Finn further into orbit, just three competent, quiet paramedics beginning to haul their kit over to the church. “The other officer wasn’t too keen on the plan – Some guy from out of town. I think he just wants Finn arrested so the crowd’ll clear and he can go home to bed – but Mendoza’s here and on our side, thank God. Told him she’d take full responsibility for whatever happens.”
That was one small thing in our favour, at least. Sergent Mendoza had been an ally from the moment we’d arrived back in Santa Marita and I hoped she wasn’t about to give up on us now.
I went to step up to the church doorway so I could be with Finn, but Nat took his life in his hands and stood in my way. “Don’t, lovely,” he said, and held me gently by the shoulders. “He’s just been lashing out in all directions – he’s already taken that officer out, and he wasn’t even trying that hard. I swear I tried to get near him myself, but he didn’t recognise me. He just took a swing and kept yelling something about being damned by God and not being allowed inside.”
“He’ll recognise me,” I argued, but I still didn’t move. Apparently my rational brain had decided to keep on working without me to keep me in one piece despite my best efforts to the contrary.
“Yeah, he might.” Nat wrapped his tanned, long arms around me now. “But he might not and I don’t want you to take that risk. I know it’s tough, but you’re going to have to let the medics and police deal with him now, and you need to be there for him, not laid out next to him.”
For a moment I wanted to hit Nat myself; to scream that he was wrong and then run up the stone steps. But if that opportunity to care for him had ever existed I’d squandered it back at Benedicta’s, when I’d chosen to attack Vanessa Latimer instead of going to Finn’s side and staying there.
I mutely nodded my assent against Nat’s chest and he kept holding me close. We both knew what would have to happen now.
At the very front of the crowd some idiot whooped and hollered, although his laughter was thankfully cut short by his girlfriend slapping him hard on the arm and storming off.
Beyond the police line, Finn screamed out again. This time his howl splintered into a dry rasp as his vocal cords gave out, and his near-silent cries were almost too much for me to bear.
As I watched helplessly he slammed his forehead into the ancient stonework of the church again and again until blood ran freely down his face, and I knew that he was trying to quieten the voices that had taunted him all day in the only way left to him.
“Lilith, did you hear me?” Nat asked. He sounded as though he was speaking to me from the other end of a particularly long tunnel.
