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She looks between the two of us. “Why would I hate you?”
Mason clenches his hands. “If I had listened to Leo, Dad would still be here.”
“How do you know that? And anyway, name me a brother who wouldn’t have done the same for the ones they love. Luca would for me. Dad would’ve done it for Mom or us. You can’t be blamed or hated for acting out of love.”
She’s so fucking pure it sticks in the bottom of my throat. River finishes feeding, and she burps him.
“I’ll miss Dad every day of my life, but when I look back, it won’t be with blame for you.”
She passes River to Mason while she stands and collects his empty bottle and muslin.
“We’re parents now, you soon to be, Mase. We’ll get through today, and whether we like it or not, today will pass, and allthe tomorrows will come. They would hate if we let their deaths affect our children. That’s what I have to believe to get through this.”
Luca joins us and takes his son from Mason. Victoria goes to the bathroom, and Luca, holding his son, says, “She’s scaring me. I keep waiting for the tears to come. It’s like she’s locking down her pain.”
Reaching out to stroke River’s little round cheek, I tell him, “Nah, she’s hurting, but she has a reason not to lose it. She’ll cherish their memory like she cherished them in life. She’ll do right by them by doing right by your son.”
Watching my brother-in-law, I see it’s killing him that he can’t take this on for her. Our grandfather and father wouldn’t have left this world worrying about her. They both saw the way in which Luca loves her. That kind of love is for life. Victoria will never be alone in her marriage.
As the rain begins to fall over the cemetery, Mom asks for the family to hang back while everyone else leaves. Cas is the last to walk away, and the moment he does, Mason walks over to where our Mom sits with Victoria, Aspen, and Emma and drops to his knees before her.
“We lost Dad because I didn’t follow orders. I can’t ever bring him back or make it up to you, but I am so sorry, Mom. Please believe me.”
I haven’t really known what to do over the last few days, but I find myself joining my brother and dropping to my knees beside him.
“This isn’t on Mase. I shouldn’t have ridden off alone. I forgot everything Dad and Grumps taught me, which cost our family the ultimate price.”
For long moments, she simply stares at us. She sweeps her grief-stricken gaze between us.
Her right-hand reaches out to cup Mason’s cheek, and her left, mine.
“Don’t blame yourselves. Your dad knew better than anyone that anything could happen in the club. He always told me that if he wasn’t lucky enough to die in old age, that if he got taken out wearing the patch, he hoped it would be for you both. Your father would’ve taken bullet after bullet for you, for us all. We’re going to miss him, and we’re going to hurt for a long, long time, but your father knows we have each other. It’s us against all now, and it always will be.”
As one, we drop our heads onto her lap, and the tears finally come. When we were kids, we never cried. The closest we came to shedding tears, was our frustration building until we couldn’t contain it any longer. And she would have us sit with her, and she would rub our heads as if she could rub everything away. Today, she pulls at our hair, knowing the stinging relief it will bring us.
“You’re both the head of this family now, and we all need you. There’ll be no more hot-headed, rash, fuck ups. You were taught how to be men, and now it’s time you show it sank in. Myles, you’re going to continue being the great father you are and look after Emma. Make sure she never finds out the pain I’m going through because she’s lost you. And you, Mason, you’re going to prove why it is you that God blessed you with not one but two babies. You’re both going to represent this family.”
Lifting our heads, we nod only once. Mason leans up first and kisses her on the cheek, and I follow suit when he backs away.
She goes to stand, and Mase and I back up and rise to our feet.
“Today, we hold our heads high. We’ll do our thing for the club. Your dad would want us to, and then you, Victoria,” she says, looking down at her. “Will return to the city with your son and Luca and keep moving forward as planned.” She then looks at Mason. “You will take Aspen home. She’s an old lady, she has no business sleeping on a bed that God knows how many brothers have fucked on. And you, Myles, will take your family home.”
“What about you?” I ask her.
“I’m going to go home, and I’m going to drown in my pain, drink a lot of wine, not get dressed for a while, all the while remembering every single moment I shared with not only my dad but my husband too. Then, in my own time, I’ll start getting dressed again, I’ll trade the wine for coffee, and I’ll learn to live my life without them. That’s what I’m going to do, and none of you are going to worry about me. You’re not going to call or drop by to check on me constantly. I’m going to be fine, but I need time.”
She’s more like Grumps than she ever was Grandma. We’ll still worry about her, it’s only natural, but I’m not worried she’ll do anything reckless. Besides, the old ladies won’t leave her alone for long.
“Come on, let’s go before we get any wetter.”
I had forgotten all about the rain. As the droplets hit us, none of us care. Victoria walks arm in arm-with Mom. I sling my arm around Emma and keep her close while Mason holds hands with Aspen behind us.
Thank fuck the babies are fine. Mason now has her on constant watch, she can’t do anything without him up her ass.
The pastor stands in the doorway to the church.
“Hey, I’ll meet you at the club. I won’t be long.”
