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It’s nearly three in the morning before the brothers drag their drunken asses up and head for their beds. Rather than driving back into town, we stay at the club.
I wash up and slip under the sheets. Though the room is in darkness, the light coming in through the window from the moon illuminates Mason as he undresses.
“It’s going to be a long few days. We should get some sleep.”
He nods and lies beside me, his large, warm hand splaying across my stomach.
“You’ve lost so much recently, but you’re not alone. I’m here.”
He presses his lips against my forehead. “I love you, Aspen. More than you’ll ever know.”
Chapter Eighteen
Myles
Shoulder to shoulder, Mase and I stand in front of Grump’s door. Boxes in hand and nerves wavering.
“Let’s get this done.”
Mase opens the door, and I close it behind us once we’re inside. Now, standing in the middle of his space, his presence still lingers heavily around us. His bed is neatly made. His watch is on the nightstand. The photos of his family are neatly lined on the dresser.
It’s going to be strange for another brother to use this room. Grumps is becoming nothing but memories.
“Bag his clothes, box everything else,” Mason says.
We set to work, not having long till Dad’s service. I grin when I open his bottom drawer. Two guns are neatly encased. Both are labelled with our names. I remember them from when I was a kid.
“Mase,” I say, picking them up for him to see.
Mason takes hold of his and weighs it in his hand. “I wondered if he still had these.”
A glimpse of white catches my eye in the bottom of the drawer. An envelope with Mason and I’s names neatly scribbled on it. Grabbing it, I put the gun case down on the bed and tear open the envelope.
I read it aloud, “To my boys. If you’re reading this, I’ve kicked it. I’m gone and in the ground. I can’t lie and say I haven’t seen this coming. I’m old as fuck, my entire body hurts like a bitch, and I’m starting to forget shit. Life ain’t fair, and it sure as shit isn’t forgiving. I should count my blessings. I reached old age and am alive to live with the tortures of old age. I’ve certainly had a reason to live as long as I can. My Kyla, you grandchildren, and even being around to meet my great-grandchildren. Never once did I ever imagine I’d leave behind a legacy I could call my family. I will, in time, write to your mom and to Victoria, but I want to make sure I leave nothing unsaid with you.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately, returning to times I promised not to revisit. The blood on my hands is stained right down to my bones. Sometimes I wonder if it’s mixed with mine, that if I carry the souls of the dead I’ve killed. I know many have wondered about me, and if you were ever to wonder how I live day to day with my conscious, know this, I never used to give a fuck.” We both laugh. “After we lost your grandma, I started to change, not much, but I began to wonder about the lives I’ve taken, but the reason I could deal with it was because you two, my family, blinded me from death. While I was watching my family grow, I wasn’t watching the ghosts.
“Now, the only thing I leave you are my guns. Myles, your one was my very first shooter. And Mase, yours is the one I shot Michael Blake with. Myles, the first time I used it, it literally saved my life. And Mase, yours is to show how you deal with betrayal. I’ve always taught you that taking lives isn’t a game, that it’s kill or be killed, and it still stands. It will stand till the end of time. I will leave this earth at peace, knowing thatbetween the two of you, you will protect our family and keep them safe. I know you’ll wear the patch for many years to come. You’ll both do your duty to the club and to the people we love and cherish. Always be who you are, never change for anyone, and never hesitate.
I can’t remember if I’ve ever said it to you both. If I have, my memory fails me. If I haven’t, I hope that you’ve both known it. I love you, boys. From the moment you took your first breaths, I’ve learned what pure love is. Don’t mourn me, certainly don’t fuckin’ cry; my death is a part of life. It comes for us all at some point, and not that I know why, but mine won’t be a bullet or by the hands of the enemy. I’ve had more luck in this life than I expected to find. Live like today is your last, and never forget who you are.
Always shoulder to shoulder. Always watching each other’s backs. Always eyes wide open. Lost Souls Till We Die! All my love, Grumps.”
Mason clears his throat and asks, “Has he ever said he loved us?”
I rack my memories and come up empty. I shrug. “He didn’t need to say it. We’ve always known.”
“Agree.”
We come across three more letters addressed to Victoria, Mom, and Dad. I hold the one for dad up and need Mason to decide how we deal with this one. He wrote these before dad was killed.
“Open it. We can still give it to mom after.”
I can’t read this aloud. I hand it to my brother and sit down on the bed.
“Rick, you little fucker. I’m dead. Now I’m gone, you’re the head of this family. I’m aware you don’t believe what you’ve created and held onto all these years, but I always did. I never would’ve given you my blessing if I didn’t believe in you to bethe man my daughter needed and a father to my grandchildren. When I gave you my blessing, I knew I would never need to draw my gun and shove it down your throat because you brought pain to my loved ones. You are a good man, Rick. You’re a great husband and a great father. I never thought there’d be a man in the world I would deem worthy of Kyla, but you proved me wrong.
“You know where I’ve stashed my money. I trust you’ll ensure Victoria gets every penny. The boys don’t need my money. It all goes to her. She already owns the house. Kyla will have my photos and anything she wants, but everything else, give to goodwill or burn, I don’t particularly care which. Make sure I’m buried in my cut, and for the love of all unholy, don’t let the brothers cry for me. I’ve had it good, and there’s no need to mourn me. Just think of me when you take out an enemy and have a smile on your face. We worked well together over the years, it’s been an honor to call you brother under the patch and my son-in-law. Be safe, Rick. I’ll see you on the other side. Pope.”
