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“Stop being a smart ass. I’m talking about your birth control. Did you just throw it away?”
Now I was angry. How dare he! “I forgot to take a pill here and there since Stephen died. I thought if I doubled up the next day, I’d be safe.”
“Well, you thought wrong, didn’t you? Fuck, Rory, I told you that I don’t want kids, period! How could you not be more careful!” he screamed.
That was it, the gloves were coming off now and I wasn’t holding back. There was no way in hell I was going to let him talk to and treat me that way.
“ME? What about you? You made this baby too. I didn’t do it by myself. I’m sorry that my brother passed away and I’m sorry that you found my father. I’m sorry that I had so much going on in my head that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown that I didn’t remember my pill every day.”
He turned away from me and looked out the window. “Answer me one question. Did you get pregnant on purpose?”
“Fuck you, Ian,” I said as I grabbed my purse and stormed out the door. His question hurt me more than anything that was said. I couldn’t believe that he thought so little of me that he would think I would get pregnant on purpose. To be honest, a baby was the last thing I wanted right now. The timing was horrible, but it happened and I was dealing with it. I stormed out of the hotel and didn’t know where the f**k I was going. I sat down on a bench just outside the hotel. I pulled my phone from my purse and sent Adalynn a text message.
“He knows and he’s pissed as hell. We got into a huge fight and he accused me of getting pregnant on purpose.”
“Don’t listen to him, Rory. He’s upset right now and he’s going to say things he doesn’t mean. Do you want me to talk to him?”
“No. I don’t want you or Daniel involved. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Take care and don’t stress. It’s not good for the baby.”
The baby. I placed my hands on my stomach and looked down. I had to think about my baby. Just like I always had to think about Stephen.
“I thought you took off. It wouldn’t have surprised me,” Ian said as he had our bags in his hand. “Let’s go. The plane is waiting for us.”
I got up and followed him to a limo that was waiting for us at the curb. I slid in the back and Ian climbed in next to me. He didn’t sit close to me like he always did. I needed to fix this. I needed to talk to him, but I didn’t know if it was a good time or if I should wait and let him cool down.
“I’m sorry this happened. I’m sorry to have put you in such a position to make you hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, Rory. Don’t ever say that again.”
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but we have to. This is our child, our baby; a human being that we both created out of love,” I said as I reached over and touched his hand.
He pulled away. “I was very specific when I told you that I never wanted children. I relied on you to prevent that from happening. I take care of you. I give you everything you need and you can’t even do one simple thing for me.”
Those words were like a dagger that just stabbed me in the heart and killed me. Instantly, I felt dead. My eyes filled with tears and there was nothing I could do to stop them. They fell down my face and Ian looked over at me.
“I’m sorry, Rory, but that’s how I feel.”
I turned my body towards the window and cried until we got on the plane. He sat in the front, and I sat in the back. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. I needed to make him see that this baby was the best thing that happened to us. I was curled up in the seat, looking out at the clouds, when Ian came over to me.
“How long have you known?” he asked sternly.
“I found out two days before Adalynn’s wedding.”
“The day you came home and you’d been crying and you told me it was because of Stephen.”
“Yep, that’s the day.”
“Why didn’t you tell me right away?” he asked.
“Gee, Ian. Look at your reaction. Do you think for once second I was going to let you ruin Adalynn’s wedding?”
“I knew something was up with you, but to be honest, I never suspected you were pregnant,” he said as he sat down next to me. “We need to have a serious talk. I’m not father material. I can’t raise a child. I don’t want to raise a child.”
“Then I’m letting you off the hook.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he said.
“Exactly what I said. Now go away because I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
He got up and went back to his seat. The plane landed and Joshua was waiting for us at the gate. I walked way ahead of Ian and Joshua knew something was up.
“How was your trip?” he asked.
“I’m pregnant and Ian’s pissed and doesn’t want it. Does that answer your question?”
“Rory!” Ian yelled.
We climbed in the back of the limo and it took everything I had in me not to break down and cry. “Why the hell would you say that to Joshua?” he said through gritted teeth.
“It’s the truth. Did you want me to lie to him? Oh wait, that’s right, I do lie and I do things on purpose just to piss you off.”
“That is enough! Do you understand me, Rory?”
“I understand you loud and clear, Ian!”
I turned and faced the window. “Rory,” he said in a lowered voice. “I need time. You know my thoughts about kids and I just can’t let you think that I’m happy about this. I’m not happy about it at all. Our entire lives are going to change. I wanted us to be a couple together with no one else to worry about. I want you alone and all to myself. I don’t want to be responsible for another human being. Sweetheart, I’m only being honest with you and I hope you can understand.”
I wiped the single lonely tear that fell from my eye. It represented how I felt, alone. He hoped that I understood. It was the cycle of my life starting all over again, but now I was the adult and going through what my mother did. I needed to be strong for my baby. He could hurt me a thousand times over, but I wouldn’t let him hurt our child. I turned my head and looked at him directly in the eyes.
“I know how you feel, but I will never understand. So, I hope you can understand that.”
He looked at me and then turned his head and looked out the window as we pulled into the driveway. I opened the door, ran up the stairs, and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I sat down on the toilet, where I brought my knees up to my chest and cupped my face in my hands. I cried as quietly as I could.
