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“He smashes too, but only to save the day.” They share a secret look as I begin putting Damien’s coat and hat back on, and before I know it, Sebastian has paid for everything, and we’re leaving the store.
“I was supposed to help with that,” I whisper as the blistering cold hits us. I can feel the storm in the air. “Are you sure it’s safe for us on the mountain? You’ll have heat?”
“How about you cook dinner instead?” Sebastian counters. He places one hand on my back while pushing the cart with the other, ensuring I walk beside him. It’s oddly endearing. I’m sure my parents love each other, but they aren’t this affectionate at any time. “And yes, we’ll have heat. If the storm knocks out power, I have generators and three fireplaces. It’s not my first rodeo up there.”
“Alright.” It might not be his, but it is ours, and I’d die if anything ever happened to Damien.
After getting the groceries and Damien loaded into the vehicle, we’re on our way in minutes. But not before I see one of the partitioners from our church as she glares at the familiar way Sebastian touches me as we move. I know she’s going to report back to Nancy, who will, in turn, tell our parents.
Apprehension has my fingers fidgeting as we drive through town until we reach the road leading up Bear Mountain. Sitting on my hands, I try to calm my racing heart, but I can already hear the insults that will be flung my way when I go back home.
If I go back.
After this morning, I honestly don’t know if I can.
For so long, my focus has been on getting Damien and me down to Washington to be near Chloe. To break free of this constant barrage of guilt and shame. I need a change. A chance to be the best mom to my son that I can be, and I know it won’t be in Polar Bear, not while living at home.
“You’re awfully quiet over there.” Sebastian’s caring voice has my head turning, and it’s not until he reaches up with a hand to wipe away a tear off my cheek that I even realize I’ve been crying. “What’s with this?”
Wiping furiously at my cheeks, I shake my head and give him a false smile. “Nothing that can be helped.” I don’t know what to say. I never do.
* * *
Sebastian
I know I’m pushing her. Maybe even manipulating her a tiny bit, though not on purpose. Paying for the groceries while she was busy with Dam allowed me to take a slight weight off her shoulders. And I would happily do it again anytime. But I didn’t think that’d bring her to tears.
Damien was fast asleep within minutes of driving, so paying attention to EmaLeigh without interruption was easy. I recognized she was troubled from the way she was fidgeting, and ultimately, sitting on her hands only proved it. I’m a simple man with simple needs, and right now, the only thing I want or need is to make her smile.
I know she plans to leave Polar Bear, but the more I’m in her presence, the more I want her to stay. Both of them. I see the way she watches me when I’m interacting with Damien. The worry is written on her face like a bold letter. She silently prays I don’t do or say something to insult or upset the boy. I couldn’t do that. Not to them. But it tells me that she’s had other people who have.
“Whatever it is, I’m not here to judge,” I say as we pull into my driveway a short time later.
Without responding, she climbs out of the vehicle and goes for Damien. Rubbing his eyes, he blinks up at her a few times before letting out a scream loud enough to wake the bears across the state. “Ssshh, baby, Mamma’s right here. I’ve got you.” Cradling him to her chest, I watch while I pull out the bags from the back as she rocks him back and forth, ignoring the biting winds and freezing temperature. Right now, he’s the only thing in her world that matters, and I think it’s this that cracks me open.
It’s humbling seeing the complete adoration and love for someone who means the world to her. I’ve never seen anything like it. As an only child whose parents weren’t responsible enough to care for themselves, let alone an infant, I grew up on this mountain, was raised by my grandfather. He loved me, sure, but he wasn’t the kind of man who said, “I love you” before I went to bed every night. Didn’t mean I didn’t know; I’ve just never seen it in such a pure form before.
“Come on, you two need to get inside before you catch a cold.” Ema barely hears me as I herd them up to the door. Turning the knob, I push it open and wait for them both to enter the house before kicking it shut behind me.
“You don’t lock it?” she asks, standing just inside the entry.
Pursing my lips, I look from the door and down at myself. “Who do you think is going to try and steal from me?” Her eyes follow the same path as mine before a sinful smile works across her luscious lips, making me want to pull her into my arms and kiss her until she sighs for me.
Damien’s whimper halts any further thoughts. “Living room is through there. Why don’t you two go relax while I put this stuff away.” I don’t phrase it like a question because I know if I do, she won’t. After a minute of nibbling her lip, Ema finally nods before kicking her boots off and pulling off Damien’s.
Dropping the bags on the counter, I head back out to get the rest. Snow has begun falling in thick flakes, creating a near whiteout. Spotting movement by the woods, I see Jack, my wolf dog, come barreling through the trees like his ass is on fire. For what should be a wild animal, he hates when it snows. Usually refuses to go outside when it does.
“You’re such a fool, Jack.” He barks as I’m walking back to the house, nose to the ground because he can smell the new scent of our guests. “Be nice,” I instruct as I open the door again. “Sit.”
His tail is wagging so hard his body can’t remain still as he hears Damien still crying and Ema singing softly to him. I could listen to her sweet voice until the end of time; I just wish the boy didn’t have to suffer for her to do it.
“So, I should have told you”—I walk in the room with Jack on my heels—“I have a dog.” He grunts and tilts his head up at me. “Fine, a wolf dog.” As he walks around the couch, head down as he sniffs, Ema gasps. He’s a big beast.
“Is he safe?” she asks as Jack catches Damien’s attention. With one hand wrapped tightly around the totem, he reaches for the beast with his other, but Ema won’t let him touch Jack just yet.
“Yes. I trained him myself. Loves kids, hates snow or rain or anything that will get him wet.” Jack drops to the ground with his snout on her feet as he whines while his tail swishes back and forth across the carpet.
“Mamma, down,” Dam requests, and she reluctantly lets him go. As soon as he’s on the floor, Jack rolls over, presenting his belly to Damien.
