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“What’s with the sudden interest in the mountain man?” my dad asks, not turning away from the hunting show on the television.
“Nothing. I just wanted to have something made for Damien.” He scoffs at my explanation. My parents are the most loving grandparents to Damien’s face, but behind his back and out of earshot, they take every chance they can to denigrate my decision to keep him. I don’t know if they even love him or not, and it breaks my heart because he is the sweetest little boy.
“That man’s not going to want someone else’s sloppy seconds. Nobody wants children that aren’t their own either.” I know better than to defend myself when he’s like this. His bitterness over whatever his problem is can’t be reasoned with. As Christians, I know it was hard for my parents to accept that I not only had sex before marriage but conceived a child too, and I didn’t even want to marry the boy who got me pregnant. It’s been a stain on their reputation as far as they’re concerned.
“I’m not looking for a relationship,” I respond quietly, fighting back the urge to question his own beliefs.
Turning his head, I finally see that he’s not just being mean, but he’s drunk as well. “Just looking to get knocked up again.” He laughs at what must be a shocked look on my face. My mother snickers from her chair too.
As the youngest of three children, I’m well aware that I’m the disappointment in the family. My oldest sister, Nancy, married our church’s pastor several years ago, and they’ve popped out four children already. None of whom Damien is allowed to play with in private. Only during public functions for the church or family. Our middle sister, Chloe, left just before I discovered I was pregnant. She and I were best friends our entire lives.
As soon as I told her, she begged me to move to the lower forty-eight, where I could be closer to her. But she’s a freelance journalist who was globetrotting all the time. I wasn’t prepared to be a single mom and figure out life alone. But it’s because of her that we’re moving to Washington now. She works for a press company, and she’s found me a job where I can work from home and take care of Damien.
Instead of getting myself that tea, I turn back around and head straight for my room. Tonight, I’m a swirl of emotions that I don’t know what to do with. Between my parents criticizing me and the feelings Sebastian has evoked in me, all I want to do is lay in bed and cry for a while. I wish that were possible, but I’m terrified that once I start, I won’t be able to stop.
Damien needs me strong, not an emotional basket case on the verge of breaking. And the only way I know how to prevent that from happening is by pushing everything I feel to the back of my mind and ignoring it. Not the healthiest coping mechanism, but for now, it’s all I’ve got.
CHAPTER 2
sebastian
Blowing the sawdust off the circular piece of wood I just finished sanding for EmaLeigh and Damien, I recheck the time—just after ten. They’d have to be up by now. A kid that age, there’s no way he’d sleep in this late. I’ve been up and working on this piece since just after six, the sun hadn’t even begun to rise yet, but I was eager to get this finished for her.
It took nearly an hour to find the perfect piece of spruce from a haul of lumber I brought home this fall, and the last few hours, I’ve been sanding it into the ideal shape and getting it as smooth as possible. After spraying it with a protective coating, it’s ready to set before I begin carving in EmaLeigh’s design. Which means, I’m free to head into town and see if they’ve got plans for the day and, hopefully, bring them back up the mountain with me.
The longer I spent with the two of them yesterday, the more I realized how much I wanted them in my life. I know Ema plans to leave in a few weeks, but I hope to change her mind. After spending the last six years up here by myself, logging in Ketchikan for most of the spring, summer, and fall every year, then coming back to work the winters away, I now know that it’s the love of a good woman that I’m missing from my life. The fact she has a boy already doesn’t matter to me, so long as she’s single. Even if she weren’t, I don’t know that that would stop me. If she has a man, then he doesn’t deserve her. Allowing her to come up into the mountains and be abandoned by her mother tells me all I need to know about his character. If he exists.
I’ve been a reclusive mountain man for far longer than I should have, and I’m hoping I haven’t lost the ability to be around the opposite sex. Heading inside, I take a quick shower and dress in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and boots. Ignoring the beard growing on my face, I grab my flannel coat and head out to my 4Runner. As I begin driving down the mountain, I can see storm clouds rolling in and turn on the radio for a forecast.
“A severe winter storm is predicted to hit the Polar Bear region sometime this afternoon with a predicted 10 inches of snow to land before midnight. Meteorologists are warning to have generators on hand and to be ready to be locked in for the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours.” I listen a little longer to more warnings and suggestions, but I’m nothing if not prepared. I’ve been using solar power for years, and with storms like this, it’s always worked in my favor when the town has lost power.
I know it’s selfish, but I’m hoping EmaLeigh hasn’t heard the forecast yet because I wouldn’t be disappointed if I could keep the two of them to myself for the next two days. The rest of my ride is done in silence as the sky darkens from the ominous clouds billowing in.
Pulling into her driveway, I already know that even if she hasn’t heard the forecast, she’ll realize it from the looks of the sky. Parking, I jump out of my SUV and head up the walkway. Ringing the bell, no one answers, but I can hear a TV playing, so I knock loudly.
A minute later, a grouchy old man answers, scratching his neck. “What do you want?”
“I’m looking for Ema.” Peering around the guy, I’ve got several inches on him and can see her walking back and forth with Damien in her arms. Eyes closed as she whispers to him.
“EmaLeigh!” the man screeches, and her eyes pop open, startled, just as Damien begins to cry. “The mountain man is here for used goods.”
“What the fuck,” I snap, enraged that he would say that. He laughs and walks away as she rushes over, trying to calm the boy in her arms. “Who the fuck is that?” I bark, wincing when she does.
“My father.” Her deep inhale shutters her body, and I can see dark circles under her eyes and weariness in her face.
“Get your stuff; I’m taking you two out,” I demand, already knowing that’s not the best way to deal with her.
“I…I can’t. I’m trying to get Damien to sleep. It wasn’t a good night.” Her lips thin as the boy’s hands ball her hair into his tight fists, likely yanking the strands from her head. She doesn’t even flinch.
I’m not taking no for an answer, though. If this is how she’s treated at home, I won’t let her stay when I can help it. “Come on, I’ll help you.” Grasping her shoulder, I turn her body, and with some nudging, she guides me to Damien’s room. The boy watches me the entire time as tears flow down his cheeks. “Pack enough for a day or two,” I say, and she spins around, pinning me with an unreadable look. “There’s a terrible storm coming. You two don’t need to be cooped up here for that.” I get the feeling what I witnessed is only a portion of what she deals with daily.
“We can’t just leave for two days. I don’t have anywhere to go, and even if I did, I couldn’t afford it.” I can see she wants to, though.
Spotting the bag she had with her yesterday, I grab it and begin putting the toys on the boy’s bed in it, assuming they’re some of his favorites. “You’re not just going anywhere. I’ve got a few errands to run in town, then we can get whatever Dam likes to eat, and you’ll both ride out the storm with me. Infinitely more fun than being here, I’m sure.”
She hesitates, even as Damien squirms to get down from her arms. We’re both surprised when he grabs his blanket, holds it up to me, and asks, “Bwing?” Nodding, I take it from his hands and see the totem I gave to him sticking out of his pants pocket. A slow grin spreads across my face. He’s how I get her to give us a chance.
“Pillow too?” I ask him, and he nods, his little legs pushing him up onto the bed to grab it and hand it to me. “Anything else you want?”
