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“I’m coming.”
I blow out a nervous breath and step up to the door, my heart slamming against my ribcage as I check the peephole. Cat is standing on the other side with an uneasy smile on her face, holding up a bag of pastries in one hand and coffee in the other.
The flood of emotions causes me to freeze up, tears pricking my eyes as I take a step back from the door.
“Lori, I can hear you. Will you please open the door?”
My hands shake as I unlock it. The last time she showed up at my door unannounced, I lost my best friend.
Once we’re face to face, I simply stare unblinkingly at her. There’s no breath in my lungs, no thoughts in my head.
“I come in peace,” she says. “Can I come inside so we can talk?”
With a quick nod, I step to the side and gesture for her to come in. Normally, she would walk right in and make herself at home, but she waits by the door as I close it, following close behind.
“I’m sorry for showing up without calling first. I was worried you wouldn’t want to see me,” she says as we enter the kitchen.
I turn to face her, crossing my arms. “You’re the one who ended our communication, not me. I’ve hated not being able to talk to or see you.”
She places the bag and coffee on the counter. “I know. I’ve been an awful friend, and I can never tell you how sorry I am.”
She extends one of the coffees to me, and I pucker my lips before reaching to retrieve it. “So, you don’t hate me?”
Her chin quivers as she shakes her head. “No, I could never hate you. It’s me I hate. I’ve been so appalled by my behavior. Those things I said to you that night, the way I treated you and Spencer. It was all so awful, and I was embarrassed. That’s the real reason I haven’t called or come by before now. I’m ashamed and was too much of a coward to face you.”
I sigh and take a sip of coffee, contemplating her words. “So, what’s changed?”
She shrugs. “Spencer helped me realize it was time to put my big girl panties on and push my pride aside. You mean too much to me, I couldn’t let something so stupid ruin our friendship. I only hope you can forgive me.”
I step up to the counter and peek inside the bag, pulling out a blueberry muffin and taking it with me to the table. “Forgive you?”
Cat nods as she joins me. “My reaction to you and Spencer was totally unfair. The truth is, I was projecting. I felt so guilty for what happened with Lawrence, and I’d always been a little jealous of your relationship with Spencer. From that first night we had dinner together, I could see the connection you two had. As your friendship grew, I felt more and more like the outsider. Like it was the two of you who belonged together.”
“Cat…” I shake my head. “That’s not…”
“It’s okay, Lori. I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. I’m the one who’s done something wrong. I’ve been selfishly standing in the way of your happiness. I’m the worst friend on the planet.”
“I should’ve been honest with you upfront, but I don’t think I was being honest with myself either.”
“So…do you love him?”
“I think I do.”
“Then you should tell him. Don’t let your happiness slip away.”
My stomach drops as I bob my head. My letter to Paul helped address my issues with relationships, and Cat was the last thing holding me back. Or at least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself. But maybe it’s because, deep down, I still don’t feel good enough for Spencer. Perhaps that’s because I’m not and never will be.
34
Spencer
My phone begins to vibrate in the front pocket of my jeans again, reminding me I never checked to see who called earlier when the doctor was in the room. I don’t take my eyes off my grandmother as I reach to pull it out, my chest still aching at the sight of her. She’s resting now, but she looks anything but peaceful with wires coming out of her and beeping machines surrounding her. I live with a constant dread of a day like today. Luckily, it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, but it’s a sign there’ll be more incidents to come.
Finally pulling my eyes from Gram, I look down at my phone and see Lori’s name flashing on the screen. I get up from my seat and step out in the hallway, pulling the door closed behind me. We haven’t spoken since I had my little chat with Cat. I don’t know if I made things better, worse, or changed nothing at all.
“Hey.”
“Oh gosh,” she says, letting out a long breath into the phone. “You’re turning me into you, I was getting so worried about you. You didn’t answer your phone earlier or call me back. Is everything okay?”
