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Mira: When did you come out?
Cole: Not until my thirties. Madigan knew, Nancy knew, my parents knew, even though they spent every second we happened to be in the same place at the same time trying to convince me it was just a phase or that I needed to see a shrink. Maybe because of that, maybe because things were different then, I don’t know for sure, but it took me a long time to come out publicly.
Mira: Ian is bi.
Cole: He is?
Mira: Pan, actually. He says he’s pan.
Cole: Has that been hard for him? I know times have changed, but I remember how chaotic and lonely I felt at his age.
Mira: Thank you for asking that. I wish I could say it’s all been easy, but he’s an openly queer kid in a small town in Montana, so it definitely hasn’t. You’re right, though. Times have changed. He has a lot of support from me and Mom and from most of his teachers. He’s not the only out kid in his school either, so they have each other’s backs.
Cole: That’s amazing. I’m so happy he knows who he is and has friends who understand him. I’m happy he has you and Linda by his side. I’m happy he didn’t have to wait until he was thirty-five to finally be true to himself.
Mira: I’m sorry it was hard for you, Cole. It’s not fair. You deserved to be accepted. You deserved to be loved and supported, especially by your parents. I know it doesn’t change anything, but I’m sorry that you weren’t.
Cole: Well shit. I just got very emotional.
Mira: Need a hug?
Cole: Yeah.
Mira: *HUGS*
Cole: Feel better now.
May 27,4:32pm
Cole: Hi Mira
Mira: Hi Cole
Cole: Where are you right now?
Mira: I’m in my bedroom.
Cole: …go on…
Mira: lol. I’m sitting in the bay window in my room. It’s my favorite place in our entire apartment, especially once the weather gets nice. I can hide in here, open the window, watch the cars drive down Main Street, smell the lilac bushes in the alley, sometimes hear the music from Jimmy’s.
Cole: Sounds perfect.
Mira: Where are you right now?
Cole: Just stewing in my office at the studio. About to leave for the day.
Mira: Stewing? Something happen?
Cole: Nancy was at the studio all day. It always wears on me.
Mira: Do you two still get along?
Cole: Getting along was never really our thing. More like we couldn’t stand to be together, and we couldn’t stand to be apart. Or at least I couldn’t. And now she’s just here all the time being…Nancy. Trying to start arguments, dredge up the past, keep us entangled.
Mira: That sounds exhausting.
Cole: It is. I always had a blind spot when it came to her. I put up with a lot I probably shouldn’t have.
