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“Not my problem.” I wrenched her fingers off my jacket and proceeded down the alley.
Getting to Romania and through the borders was going to be near impossible, but I would do it.
I had to do it.
The trains didn’t start until morning, so there was only one place I could go until then. To forget the past, present, and future. And especially this fucked-up night.
My veins begged for the fairy dust while my feet hurried to numb the pain, to deaden the memories of their voices, the feel of them lying next to me in bed. The happiness.
Turning down the street, I headed for the only brothel that didn’t turn anyone away, no matter what horrible piece of shit you were.
And that was exactly what I had become.
Chapter 2
Ash
The whistle of the train punctured my eardrums, stomping across my brain and down my throat to my stomach. Flinching, I pinched the bridge of my nose, sucking in deep breaths. Still drunk and high, my nerves shook with the decline of both.
I didn’t sleep anymore. I passed out.
For one moment, a few months back, I thought I could resist the temptation of those vices, fulfill my vengeance like some caped crusader, and become a better man.
It lasted three days.
Sleep became something I avoided. Every time I shut my eyes, they were there. Numbing it was the only way to shut down my thoughts, to pause the endless loop of what I could’ve done differently. The tiresome scenarios I rolled through my head, how I could’ve gotten to them earlier, saved them, before nodding off. My mind replayed their deaths every night, and I lost them all over againeverynight. I’d wake up screaming, sweat pouring from me, the horror chilling me to the bone, realizing it was real life and not a nightmare.
They were gone. Forever.
Not strong enough to take it, I left Budapest, feeling free to sink into my depravities.
Dzsinn wasn’t lying when he said I had particular tastes and no threshold in my behaviors.
The drugs deadened me from the grief, but it also took away pleasure. I couldn’t feel, so I reached deeper and deeper for it, getting more desperate. Like last night…
“Fuck me! Harder!” I barked at the guy behind me, his cock pumping in and out while I plowed into the girl I had tied up and pinned against a dresser so hard the blue wig had fallen off, and tears leaked down her face. She had already come twice, but I didn’t stop. The need for pain, for anything, drove me on like a fiend. “Bite me! Make me bleed!” I yanked the blond guy’s head down to my neck, forcing him to tear into my flesh. The desperation to experience the bliss of release, to experience anything other than a hollow hole in my soul, had me shaking with violence.
Ever since I walked away from the girl in the pub, leaving the ashes of the folder in the bar, I had been on a mission to forget. A mission to inflict punishment on myself, fury bubbling at the seams, my temper on the edge of sadistic.
My body went through the motions, my release humming at the edges, but that was as close as it got. I stood on the other side of the glass, watching some soulless stranger take over my shell. Observing the cruelty with which he reprimanded them for not being who he really wanted. For Kek and Lucas being dead.
“Enough!” I ordered the guy behind me, pointing at another watching us across the room, stroking himself. “You. And you.” I pulled out of the girl on the dresser, nodding to another woman. “Put that on.” I motioned to the wig on the ground. “And get on your knees.”
I could picture Kek’s coy grin at my demand, the spark in her eyes, lowering herself to the ground, loving when I took charge. The bedroom was the one place I was dominant with them. Kek got off being told what to do, someone daring to challenge a demon, but only in the bedroom. Lucas was the shyer, sweeter one of us and needed someone to take charge. Outside of that, they were more dominant and badass, but not when we shut the doors at night.
No one could say how or why, but we just worked.
The prostitute placed the wig on, lowering herself in front of me. She showed me the fairy dust coating her tongue before taking my cock in her mouth, sucking until I groaned. My hips roughly pushed my dick further down her throat, my skin soaking in the drugs quickly, taking the edge off. My head started to spin, my lids lowering as the other young, pretty fae guy moved around me. His hair was light brown and all wrong, but my drugged-up brain didn’t care. I needed someone to break me. To finally take me over, allow one moment I could find happiness.
Peace.
The male whore pushed in and out of me over and over, climaxing hard, his cum dripping down my legs, his loud groans trying to break through my hazy world. Closing my eyes, I pushed the sound of his voice away, focusing on the woman sucking me, pretending it was Kek, until I released down her throat. My eyes fully shut as the drugs took me under, doing what nobody seemed to be able to do.
Give me a moment of serenity.
When a bad dream forced my eyes open, dawn was sneaking through the curtains. My naked body was tangled up with others, and I groaned in irritation and pain. My emotions could stay hidden in the ether, but my bones ached from the abuse. I was still healing from the burns, bite marks, bruises, and soreness of my own making.
As I extracted myself from the tangle of limbs, none of them moved, worn out. They didn’t even stir as I stood up, washed myself with a cloth, and got dressed. Peering at the three women and two men in the large bed, I felt a stab of sorrow. I didn’t feel satisfied or better.
