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“Before I met the people I call family, I had run away from the people who gave me life, who were supposed to be my family.”
I didn’t dare speak, afraid he’d stop.
“My parents were of the mindset that love and nature were above all, and to truly experience it was to give oneself over to the tree deities…” He tapered off. “Mind, soul… andbody.” His words were clipped at the end. “No matter what it meant to your blood family, the goddesses were more important. Needing a parent was being selfish, even at three.” My stomach knotted at his claim. “They were the air you breathed, the food you ate, and you had to serve them every moment for this great honor.” He shifted his arms, still staring above. “They found others similar to them, and they started a commune. Back then, villages had to rely more on each other to survive, but this place was different.”
My throat thickened. “It was a cult.”
He flinched at my words, but his chin dipped.
“And like every cult that may start off with good intentions, it twisted into something ugly. The vile side of nature and love.” His throat swallowed roughly. “Orgies, switching partners, blood rituals and sacrifices.”
I jerked at that. I had heard about them—blood rituals and sacrifices from the old world were sordid, explicit, and demented. Mostly illegal nowadays. Many people died or murdered others while living in them.
“That became common among the adults in the community.” He went quiet for a moment. “I woke up many times to the neighbor fucking my mother or five neighbors along with my father. I watched the leader of the cult fuck my father religiously while his wife watched when my mother was on a monthly retreat,” he said emotionlessly. “Our home was a one-room hut. We saw and heard everything.”
“Oh gods,” I whispered. Whatever freaky shit adults wanted to do, the kids shouldn’t be subjected to it also.
“They’d tell me it was all in thanks to our deities. The least we could do to show how grateful we were.” He rubbed at his scuff with his knuckles. “And of course, when I started to grow up, this really fucked with my boundaries and sexual understanding.” He swallowed again. “The older I got, the more the elders took notice, especially the leader. He wanted me to start joining in these rituals.” His voice got more distant, like he was walling up his emotions. “I was only eight.”
Tears and bile thickened my throat, feeling such heartbreak for him and vile disgust at his parents and this leader. How could they let this happen? They should’ve protected him.
“It was almost a year of being included in these rituals when I ran away.” His voice dipped, showing the emotion underneath. “I didn’t understand how something, which made my parents so proud and appeased the gods, could make me feel so terrible. I knew deep down it was wrong, and I couldn’t take it.”
“Gods,” I muttered, trying not to cry. “You shouldn’t have had to. No child should go through that.”
“No, but…” He pushed his fingers and thumb into his eyes. “I was selfish for leaving.”
“No, you weren’t,” I declared. “They were the selfish ones. Ash, what they did, what they let happen to you, was wrong.”
“Yeah, but when I ran… I left my baby sister behind.”
Oh. I could see the torment, the guilt he carried for years leaving her. “You were what, nine? A child. That is not on you.”
“She needed me, and I walked out on her.Myszkoneeded me. To protect her.”Myszko.It meant mouse in Polish.
The name he called me earlier made more sense.Dziubuswas Polish for‘little beak’.
“You’re from Poland?”
“That area,” he replied. “Borders and territories have changed since.”
“How did you get to Hungary? I mean, you were only nine.”
His head turned to me, his brows lowering in question, wondering how I knew he ended up in Hungary.
“Besides some of the phrases you use, it’s the way you spoke of it earlier. You called ityourcountry.” I shrugged one shoulder. “I figured it out.”
His attention went back to the ceiling, his mouth twisting.
“Nine was seen as much older then.” He sighed. “I traveled with a merchant who picked me up. He was heading back to Budapest for a trading market. He had me doing odd jobs, brushing pelts, cleaning the wagon, to pay my keep. I got off and decided to stay. It was where I found my real family.”
Tugging on my lip with my teeth, I pressed for more. “Do you know anything about your biological family? What happened to your sister?”
“Most likely, she wasn’t even my full sister. The chances of her belonging to any male in our village are just as likely as my father.” His lashes fluttered faster. “But yes, I know what happened to her. For a while, my found family and I traveled around.” He cleared his throat, setting his head back on his arms. “Our journey led us close to my old village once, and when I asked around about what happened to them, someone said they had all committed suicide in a ritual, thinking the world was coming to an end. All of them were found dead. My sister was an adult by then, but I guess she had a child. A boy. My nephew died with her.”
“Oh gods, Ash,” I croaked. “I’m so sorry.”
His lids blinked faster, his tongue sliding over his bottom lip.
