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I need to figure it out fast.
I just need a temporary place, somewhere big enough for my meager belongings, Catness, and a sad collection of succulents.
That thought alone almost makes me crumple. I have a few friends, sure, but I’ve been so busy we haven’t caught up in months. I definitely never told them about this dumb arrangement.
And what would they say if they knew?
My friend, Adrianna, has her shit together in ways I never will. She’s been in a house for two years, happily married, and I’m sure she thought her advice really hit home when I came crying on her shoulder over Liam.
If she only knew I went and rented myself out to the first rich man who came calling—
God. I’ll never live it down.
Yeah, no, I can’t go there.
There’s only one place left Icango, I think, and my stomach clenches at the thought.
Nana was right there for the last breakup. She saw the tears, the heartbreak, the way I came undone, and I vowed she’d never see me like that again.
It was never supposed to happen again, dammit.
Yet here I am.
My throat pinches shut as I stuff everything into the van and drive it back to the store. I can’t have my staff asking uncomfortable questions, so I’m careful to drop it off and keep out of sight, settling under a tree by the curb.
I close my eyes, breathing raggedly through my nose, looking at my options on Uber for a pet-friendly driver with an SUV.
At least at Nana’s, I won’t have to pretend.
I’ll tell her the truth, and because she’s Nana—because she’s a guardian angel sent down to save me from my own insanely bad decisions—she’ll listen with the same tenderness that’s always held me up.
No judgments, no—though she’ll have plenty in her own head—and she’ll be there for me like always.
While I wait for my ride, I go from stoically controlled to barely holding it together.
I think the driver takes pity and spares me any small talk as he helps me load my stuff into the trunk and drives me across town. I spend the journey staring out of the window as Catness yowls next to me whenever we roll over a pothole.
When the car pulls up and the kind driver gently unloads my stuff on the curb, I see the front door open.
It takes Nana eleven seconds to make her way to me. Eleven seconds of Catness screeching by my feet in his carrier and me panicking, struggling to come up with some nice, emotionless way to tell her how I’ve ruined my life.
Eleven seconds of this pressure in my chest that makes me feel like I’ll never make it through this.
Eleven seconds of that great, yawning emptiness threatening to swallow me completely.
All it takes is for me to look up and really look at her.
Then I burst into tears.
“Oh, Junie! Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” She pulls me into a hug as Catness continues making his displeasure known. It starts to rain, but I barely notice and I don’t care. Every breath feels like it’s coming from my stomach.
Dexter’s gone.
We’re over and done.
And it wasn’t real—it wasn’t real—but it felt like the truest love I’ve ever experienced.
And I just walked away from that and there’s no going back.
