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“Adalynn,” he whispers, the pain in his own voice enough to pull my eyes up to him.
Before I can swallow, his fingers are tangled in my hair and his lips are sealed over mine.
My body is a knot of confusion. I want to jump for joy. I want to cry. I want to pull him closer. I know I need to push him away.
I could convince myself for a few minutes that he loves me the way I love him, but it would only make me delusional. I’ve spent so many years getting lost in the what-ifs that enter my head. What if this is our moment? What if I confess my feelings and he says he’s always felt the same?
I should push him away, but it feels like one last goodbye, an apology of sorts.
The heated kiss turns slow, languorous, the utter perfection of it throwing up red flags that even I can’t ignore.
“Stop,” I tell him, pushing at his chest.
His cheek twitches, something I’ve only ever seen when he’s incredibly mad.
“I need you to tell me if you’re going to want me to get you pregnant.”
His words sounds like an insult coming from his lips. Normally, he’s so very patient with me, allowing me to make my own decisions in my own time.
I question the change until it hits me. He’s found someone else, but he’s a good enough guy to hold up his end of the bargain if I continue to ask that of him.
“Yes or no, Adalynn.”
I press my fingers to my lips as if I could seal the memory of our kiss there forever because I know it’ll be the very last one.
A sob escapes, and some of my old friend must still be inside of him because he takes a half-step forward before realizing his mistake and pausing. The lump in my throat triples.
“I just need some time to decide,” I tell him, but I know all it will do is postpone my pain.
I don’t have to worry about waiting for him because he’s the type of man who won’t be able to wait for me. I shouldn’t even expect that from him. Doing so is cruel and unfair.
“I’m not trying to complicate your life.” I’ve never felt like more of a burden in my life.
His cheek twitches again, but he remains silent.
I want to cling to him, to beg him to love me, to pick me over every other woman walking the earth, but I’d rather save myself the embarrassment of his rejection.
“If you need to break the pact because you’ve found someone else then it’s fine. I understand.”
Both sides of his jaw flex with irritation this time, but he doesn’t say a word before he turns and walks away. Maybe he’s upset because his thoughts are more transparent than he realized.
His tires squeal on the pavement outside of my house when he drives away. I step inside, tears running down my face when a light comes on in the house across the street.
Chapter 31
Cash
I tried talking myself out of stopping by her house this morning, but it was like someone else was driving my truck.
It felt completely natural, pulling into her driveway, and on any other day, I could let myself get lost in the fantasy of her being mine.
That imagery faded as quickly as it arrived. There was no smile on her face when she finally opened the door. She wasn’t happy to see me. I could see the irritation in her eyes, as if I was the annoying little kid next door who can’t take a hint that no one likes me.
With my palm on my chin, I tilt my head and crack my neck, before turning and doing the other side as well. It brings no relief. I only had a beer at the bar last night, keeping my promise to Chandler, who drank everything that was offered to him. I’m surprised I was able to get him in the truck and back to my house without a gurney.
“Chief?”
“Yeah, sorry,” I grumble. “What was the issue this time?”
