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I followed my father and Jesse down to the workout room and took one final glance over my shoulder as I watched River turn the corner toward the elevators.
I spent the next few hours watching my father fight his way back to reclaim his life.
When we got back to his room, they brought his lunch in.
“How are things going at the bar?” he asked as he took a sip of water.
“Everything is running smoothly. You have nothing to worry about.”
“I know. But I worry about you. I’m sorry you had to come back here and clean up my mess.”
“Yours is the only mess I don’t mind cleaning up.” I shrugged. It was the truth.
“Yeah? How are things going with your mother? I’m sure she swarmed you once she found out you were home.”
“She and Jimbo are fighting, so you know how she is. Same story, different day.”
“You’ve got to draw the line, Rubes. She’ll just keep taking until you have nothing left to give.”
I nodded. He was the only person who really understood the toxic relationship that I shared with Wendy. Because he’d beenthere. And he hadn’t drawn the line in the sand either. She’d left him. He’d given her everything, and she’d replaced him.
I knew who she was.
But she was also tied to my brothers.
“She can’t make rent. Zane and Rico live in that trailer. How does one draw the line when it means their family will be out on the streets? She’ll show up at your front door and want to move in.”
“And I’d tell her no,” he said, as he forked some of the noodles and popped them into his mouth.
“And the boys?”
“The boys are grown men, Rubes. They need to get their shit together. You’re telling me between the three of them, they can’t cover rent on that trailer? Come on now. They’re taking advantage of you. And you feel guilty because you’re doing well and they’re struggling. But they make their own choices, just as you do.”
I shook my head. He wasn’t telling me anything that I didn’t know.
With success came guilt. I felt it all the time, but much more now. I’d worked really hard to get to where I was, but I would be making good money now. And knowing how they were living—it bothered me.
“Let’s focus on getting you better, okay?”
“Yes. I’d like to be one less person for you to worry about. So, tell me about this job at the university you’ve been offered.”
I sat down in the chair beside his bed as he started eating. “It’s a good offer. The money is really good. Great benefits. Everything I should be jumping at. I just don’t know that I see myself teaching college kids, you know? I never planned to use this degree to teach others about psychology. I thought I’d be doing something where I applied what I’d learned to help others.”
He finished chewing. “I get that. Then what would be the ideal job for you?”
“Well, originally, I got into this so that I could figure out how to read the people in my own life. How to help them help themselves.” I chuckled because it was crazy that my original drive brought me this far. “I’d love to do something that actually helps people to have better lives. You know what I mean?”
“I think so. But tell me.”
“Well, people repeat their mistakes over and over. Take Mom, for example. Or even Rico and Zane. They do the same things over and over, and they don’t accept the consequences of their actions. They want others to fix the mess. Bandage the choices that they made instead of digging deeper. Wouldn’t it be nice to understand what you’re doing and why you’re doing it so that you can make positive changes for yourself?”
“I could ask you the same thing, couldn’t I?”
“Meaning?” I grumped as I folded my arms across my chest.
“You keep cleaning up the messes they make. You keep doing the same thing over and over, and nothing changes. You’re completely enabling them. So, maybe you need to be taking a deeper look at why you keep doing it.”
Those words hit hard.
