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“Yeah? How about you? Are you fine with walking away? Because if you really are, then I’m glad you’re leaving soon, as much as I hate to see you go, Ruby. Because I love having you here. Love seeing you with my brother and the two of you giving one another shit and laughing your asses off most of the time. But my brother has been through a lot in his life. A lot of loss and trauma at a young age. And I know he doesn’t open up easily, but something is different here. We’ve all noticed it. And if you don’tfeel it, then it’s best you walk away sooner rather than later. He doesn’t deserve any more pain in his lifetime, you know?”
I couldn’t breathe. His words were sitting heavily on my chest, stealing the air from my lungs.
I do feel it, don’t I?
“I don’t know how to trust someone like that,” I whispered.
“Come on now, girl. You already have. He’s involved with your dad and your brothers. He’s helping you with the contract for your job. You’re volunteering at Fresh Start with the kids, which used to be a dark cloud for him, and you’re bringing all your light there. If you think this is the real deal the way that I do, you’re going to have to take that step. Because he won’t do it. He’ll think he’s holding you back or some shit. You’re the psychology genius; you probably know what the hell it all means. Maybe he makes up excuses to protect himself? I don’t fucking know. But I do know this.” Kingston paused and shoved his hands into his pockets. “River can be a difficult bastard when he wants to be, but that man is the best guy I know. And he’s worth the risk. And he deserves to be happy, just like you do.”
The garage door pulled open, and River stood there, looking between us. “What’s going on out here?”
I didn’t miss the way King’s shoulders stiffened, so I spoke before he could throw himself under the bus.
“He’s trying to convince me that my brothers should have a pool table out here,” I said with a laugh.
“Oh, yeah?” River scratched the back of his neck. “That’s not a horrible idea.”
“Well, we might be in need of a new one at the bar soon, so I’ll let them know if my dad decides to sell the current one.”
“That’s a good plan. You ready to go? Everyone is heading out,” he said, and it hit me in that moment that everything Kingston was saying made sense. River was always checking on me. Making sure I was okay. Even if most of the time he did itin a broody, overbearing way. It was his way of showing that he cared.
“Yeah. I’m pretty tired.” I moved toward him, and he pushed the door open, and Kingston followed me inside.
The conversation was over, but his words were still moving through my mind.
Getting into something with someone with no expectations was very different than planning a future together.
We’d never talked about anything beyond right now. It wasn’t his style, and in many ways, it wasn’t mine. I’d become a pro at guarding my heart.
And loving River was dangerous.
The chances that we would implode together were high.
We were just having fun right now.
What was I going to do? Give up a job that was a once-in-a-lifetime position for one that I didn’t have here? For a man who would possibly never be able to tell me how he felt about me because he was too guarded? The closest we’d ever come to saying anything as far as our feelings go was the rare occasion when we admitted that we didn’t hate one another all the time.
Or the moment when he said that we weren’tnothing.
So, we didn’t hate one another, and we were more than nothing. That wasn’t a strong foundation.
“Ruby, I was telling everyone how pissed you were that I stole your blue sweater before you left for college,” Panda said when we stepped inside, and everyone laughed.
“I never did get that back, did I?” I raised a brow.
“I just wanted to look cool like you. Ruby was always this badass, confident girl from the first time I met her, and the rest of us were just trying to keep up,” she said. Her words startled me because I’d never seen myself that way before.
I’d always felt like I had something to prove.
To myself.
To everyone around me.
Maybe I’d been the one who’d had so much armor surrounding me that I couldn’t see the good that was there.
Maybe I was still doing it.
“Thanks. I hardly think I was a badass, but if the navy sweater made you feel empowered, have at it.” I chuckled as we all walked toward the door.
