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I spent the night at Kathy's. I held her so close to my arms like someone was going to come that moment and take her away from me. I was so sorry I had to drag her with me into this mess. It was my cross to bear, and I was ready to bear it without involving her. I was going to do everything within my power to protect her, and so I was going to meet Wes by 7:30 pm Alone. I just hoped he kept to his end of the deal and not touched anyone I cared about or held so dear If I should show up alone. Wes was a very private man. You hardly ever knew what was going on through his mind. This part of him made me scared a little. What if whatever he said in the letter were all lies? What if immediately I left Kathy she was going to be kidnapped? A lot of "what ifs'' came dancing through my mind throughout the night.
I needed answers to some of the questions, but I couldn't get any. I could not sleep either because I was a little bit tense. I did not worry much about myself because I had always had that belief that I could always take care of myself but Kathy? I stroked her hair tenderly and exhaled long and low, somewhat glad that she was asleep. Her tear-stained face was a source of unrest for me, and I wished intensely that I could put a smile there instead. But I would only be able to do that by coming back to her in one piece. I was leaving in the morning. I was supposed to meet Wes by evening, but I had to go back to my abode to put things in order and then take the necessary things I needed to take along with me.
I had called Frank and Cyril to tell them about the change of plans. I did not exactly tell them that I was told to come alone because I knew Cyril would never agree to that idea. He will bring up ideas like laying ambush around and just staying there watching like spies and then come out to attack with full force when the need arises. But I knew the effect that would have on those I cared so much about, including them. That will mean putting everyone in danger if things should go wrong. I had to adhere to the instructions to avoid unnecessary harm to anyone. So, I decided to hold back the reason I no longer needed their help and just lied to them that plans had changed and I wasn't going to search for Wes anymore for now.
Emotion made me restless. I rose from the bed and drew the covers up over Kathy’s naked body. I knew I should be resting, awaiting the long evening I was going to be having tomorrow, and yet there were far too many thoughts bouncing around in my head for that to be a viable option. Naturally, the loudest and unruliest of those thoughts had to do with her.
She was gorgeous – of that, there was no debate. Kathy had always been pretty, and I had had to admit that to myself even when she was nothing more than a nuisance following me around everywhere all those years ago. She had grown into her beauty with time, something else I hadn’t been able to avoid noticingback then either. But there was more to it than that. Kathleen Cruz got under my skin in ways I found hard to wrap my mind around.
The thing that surprised me the most about her was the sheer innocence behind those piercing eyes of hers. The years had certainly given an edge to her tongue and her manner that hadn’t been there in the past, and yet she was still the same girl I had known back then. The more I spent time with her and talked with her, the more it became obvious. To be honest, it scared me.
It wasn’t that she was hiding a timorous nature beneath all that stubbornness and that steely and competent exterior. No—Kathy possessed a genuinely radiant spirit. She saw the world through a lens that was stubbornly resistant to darkness, no matter how close it happened to come to her. That was not to say that Kathy was naïve or gullible. She had certainly had her share of tragedy and jarring wake-up calls over the years, and she possessed a strong spirit that would not be easily fooled or controlled. But it baffled me to no end how she could retain the same childlike purity she had possessed at the start despite everything she had been through or learned since.
This was in stark contrast to what I had become used to seeing in others. In many ways, it felt foolish and dangerous, and I genuinely worried for her sometimes; but in other ways, it felt like a genuine rebuke to my way of looking at the world—as if I and so many others had lost something precious and fragile and undeniablyhumanabout us while Kathy and the few like her had somehow managed to cling to it against all odds. However unwise it might seem, the world needed people like that.
A smile escaped my lips as it occurred to me that some things never changed after all. This was how we had started in the first place; this was ultimately what had gotten me attached to Kathy so long ago. I was a hardened and jaded weapon of other men’s wars enduring an obdurate disenchantment with humanity and the world born of long and repeated experience behind the curtains of polite society. That was when I had come across the inexperienced fourteen-year-old whose childlike reticence and simplicity nevertheless stood up against me in a silent challenge like an immovable bluff against which the breakers of my cynical soul dashed themselves and emerged from the clash weirdly wanting.
Those innocent blue eyes had haunted me, the youthful dreams had annoyed me for their sheer optimism, and the trusting and relentless fascination she harbored for me was almost unbearable. She took to following me everywhere if she could—timidly at first, then with growing boldness. Soon she was trying to draw me into conversation endlessly, willfully oblivious to my blatant disinterest. For a while, I had been torn between two minds—to shake her awake to the dark reality of the world she was about to enter or to let her alone and guard that childlike purity as much as possible. Whatever else I had felt, it had been impossible to come away from any interaction with Kathleen and not feel the lingering suspicion that something was inherently wrong with the worldly wisdom I had lived by for so long. I had started out hating it—and then I had found myself oddly craving something about what I had been so convinced was nothing more than childish ignorance.
I felt then as I did now—that I was in danger of robbing her of that inscrutable purity. I felt she deserved something far more than I was capable of supplying, stained as I was by the darkness. Back then, I had become so adamant about preserving her innocence, and then suddenly, I had taken her maidenhead. Seventeen-year-old Kathy had gotten under my skin in ways her fourteen-year-old self had failed to do, and before I knew it, I was completely taken by her. In a moment that shocked me into realizing perhaps she wasn’t as childish or naïve as I had originally thought, she had laid her trap, and I fell headlong into it, never knowing it until the moment itself. I had worried endlessly after it happened whether it hadn’t been my influence that had corrupted her to the degree she would have done such a thing in the first place. By contrast, my worries now were of a different sort. My influence—whatever that had been—and ten years in between had not been enough to rob Kathy of that radiant spirit; that much was clear now. But I could very well rob her of a secure, happy, and fulfilling life after all of that. I could end up robbing her of life itself. She was in danger all over again, and because of me, no less.
Part of me still wanted to disappear from her life even now. I wished I had never come back for her. She would have been better off without me, honestly. She deserved to be married to a good man who did safe and honest work, could take care of her, and give her the large, happy family she had always wanted. Whatever else I could give her, safety and simplicity were not on the table. Besides, I still wasn’t convinced she needed someone as troubled as me around. I would hate to shroud that bright spirit of hers in shadow. I doubted someone like me deserved the simple, happy life that Kathy seemed so naturally suited to. Maybe it was too much to hope that God could ever be willing to grant me that; I had seen and done too much. But Kathy wanted this regardless, and a larger part of me wanted this, too. I wanted it enough to cling to the hope, the bare possibility of it.
And then there was the fact of moments like the one we had just shared. Kathy was truly glorious. The way she felt in my arms, the way she melted for me, the taste of her lips, the feel of her naked breasts against me, the way she wrapped her legs around me and held me inside her, the sweet sounds of ecstasy she made through it all, the tender yet unyielding desire in her touch, the way those innocent eyes gazed into my very soul and offered sweet surrender and promise… There was no way around it when all of that was said and done; I couldn’t bear to let Kathleen Cruz go. The very thought of her with any other was enough to send a sharp spike of anger piercing through to the very core of me. If it was at all possible, I would hang on to this woman, to this dream. And I would protect her to the very last.
I wanted to give her everything she needed. I wanted to make her totally and completely mine. I wanted to lose myself in her endlessly. I wanted to marry her and give her the home and the family she had always craved, make that cherished dream come true. For her sake as well as mine, I wanted to break with the past, close the book on this current chapter of my life and retire into sweet obsolescence so I could finally live a quiet life with Kathy always by my side. To make that happen, I would have to don my soldier’s garb a few more times and tie up the loose ends that might come back around to bite me in the rear.
Nor was it my prospects I had to consider. We were living dangerously in other, unrelated ways. As things stood now, Kathy and I were having to keep our trysts a closely guarded secret even though it is gradually coming out in the open- at least Wes is aware already. I wonder how many people apart from are aware of it. It was both exciting and frustrating in equal parts. We simply couldn’t keep our hands off each other for very long, nor did we want to, and yet to be found out would be to deal a fatal blow to Kathy’s ambitions. A scandal would be disastrous, especially a sexual one. We were not married people, after all, and she was in the precarious position of trying to establish herself against all odds in a field where women were generally not welcome in the least; how fitting for such a stubborn woman as she, I thought. But this mattered to her, and I wouldn’t see her lose it if I could. Yet, here we were again, in the dead of night at my place, lost in the hazy dream of love recaptured.
It was a risk we had willingly taken. I couldn’t marry Kathy at the moment, and yet neither of us wanted to keep our distance until then. So, we have been doing as we pleased for several weeks now. It had been heady and sublime, but I could not ignore the sadness and worry in her eyes. I knew what she was thinking, though she never said a word about it. And her innocence came from somewhere, after all. I had never known Kathy to be particularly pious, but she had always possessed an active conscience, she thought about God often, and she had always cared much about standing by her principles. She was already going against them quite a bit by giving herself to me like this. The teenager who had once hung on my every word and tried to appear mature by climbing into my bed over and over again had grown up and now had adult concerns.
Nor was she alone in this. I was far from pious, myself, but I was also far from being dismissive about God. I had been through one too many brushes with certain death for that. I wanted to do right by my conscience. Besides, I genuinely wanted this woman. I would not see her belong to another if I could help it. But I simply couldn’t stay away from her until then. I just hoped God would put up with my selfishness for just a little longer. I was so close to setting things right for good. This time, things would be different. I would make sure of it. I managed to get some sleep when it was 5 am, giving Kathy a peck on the forehead before finally dozing off.
I woke up exactly an hour and 30 minutes later. Kathy was no longer in bed. She should probably be in the kitchen. I headed for the kitchen and met her standing by the sink doing some dishes. She was wearing just her pants and a medium-sized top. She walked so freely with that in the house. I grabbed her from behind, my manhood still standing erect from morning's effect. I shifted her pants just a little with just two fingers and made her stand slightly bent for me to gain full access to her. I penetrated deeply into her right there in the kitchen while cupping her breast so hard. I stroked her passionately a few times, and she gave out a loud moan. The pleasure was so intense that I cum inside her in less than two minutes. It was kind of a quickie. I turned her face towards me and kissed her passionately. We both did not want to let go of each other.
"I love you so much, Kathy, and I promise to be back to you," I told her after finally letting her go.
"Just don't leave me as you did for ten years ever again. I'll always be here waiting for you, Will. Be safe."
I got dressed and left for my abode to get fully prepared for whatever was to come later that day.
***
Derrick
Taking Kathy for lunch later that afternoon felt like a date to me. I kind of found myself doing everything possible to please her. I liked Kathleen Cruz. Yes, I did like her, but I was not going to go after any woman who was in a relationship. Kathy mentioned the fact that she was in a relationship indirectly herself, even though she said it out of fear. I had developed feelings for Kathy from the very first day I set my eyes on her. It could be considered as "love at first sight."
It was on a fateful Wednesday morning; I came to her faculty to meet with the Editor-in-chief of that faculty. I needed an article written by him for a particular investigation I was handling. As I was heading to his office, I saw her coming out of a lecture theater heading towards her office, I guessed as at then. I was mesmerized by her stunning beauty and elegance. Her body built, and walking steps swept my feet off the ground. I stood there for over 30 seconds, watching her walk to her office. "What a beauty!" I exclaimed within myself. I could not even find the courage to talk to her at that moment. When I finally got back on my feet, I made my way to the Editor-in chief's office. I knocked and entered his office when I was permitted to go in.
"Good morning, sir," I greeted him when I was inside the office.
"Oh! Mr. Derrick. Good morning to you, too. How are you doing today?"
"I'm doing well, thank you, sir. I am here for the article relating to the investigation we spoke about earlier this week, sir."
"Oh yes, that's true. But the article right now is with a lecturer in this faculty. She came to lend it this morning because the article is a little bit related to the area of her study. You might have to go to her office to take it from her. Her office is Room 36. I'm sure you can find your way there. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience Mr. Derrick."
"I understand, sir. Thank you very much.” I left his office and went in search of Room 36. I got to room 35 and then room 36. I knocked on the door, and an angelic voice answered from inside. I entered the office on command to do, sir. I started speaking while I was still trying to shut the door behind me.
