AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I inhale sharply, surprise sending a rush of goosebumps over my skin. “Bastian?” I let out with a breathy sigh.
He enters the kitchen and settles me on the counter. Firm lips meet the top of my head. He steps between my legs and takes both sides of my face in hand. More kisses fall over my forehead, cheeks and the very tip of my nose.
“Do you like it, baby?” His forehead on mine feels nice. “I spent the last three months remodeling this place for you. It’s almost finished, too. There’s two bedrooms the decorator needs to finish with, but it can’t be that hard to pick out a bedspread and pillows.”
As he speaks he releases his hold on my cheeks and starts inspecting my body. He pulls my T-shirt off, discarding the soaked cotton in the kitchen sink. Next he takes off my shoes and if I were not sitting, he’d be working on getting rid of my jeans, too.
Since that isn’t happening right now, he peels off the makeshift bandage on my arm and examines the flesh wound left by Liam’s last bullet.
“Stay still. I don’t think it needs stitches, but you need a fresh bandage.” He pulls a medical kit out of a drawer and sets to cleaning and bandaging my arm. I watch him work in silence as he cares for me. He misses no detail. When he’s done, Bastian places a kiss on top of the covered wound.
“I will never forgive myself for putting you in harm's way. I took a vow a long time ago to never let my criminal life touch your sweet soul. I broke that oath and I have no right to touch you now or even be in the same room. Thank you for letting me tend to you.”
“I’m confused, Bastian.”
“I know, sweet Lili. I’ll explain everything.”
I raise my good arm and gesture around us as I ask, “This is for me? But you were marrying me off less than an hour ago.” My heart constricts as he lowers his forehead to mine and he breathes in my exhales like he’s drinking in my very essence.
“I made a mistake. One that might cost me everything I hold dear to my heart, my sweet Lili.” He raises his head, but leaves his hands gripping the counter on either side of my thighs, effectively locking me into place.
His pupils dilate, and the deep brown of his eyes shift to reveal hints of gold. He’s absolutely stunning to look at, but looks don’t make for a happily ever after.
“You deserve so much better than me. I wish I could pluck you up and put you in the middle of paradise where you never suffer at the hands of assholes and monsters again.” In all the chaos, my hair came loose and now falls over my shoulders. He plays with one as he speaks.
“I’m all for fairytales, but we both know that is a fantasy that will never come true.”
Bastian taps the end of my nose with his. “When I started renovating this floor, Maddox was still with us. He helped the contractor pick out all the furniture while I took care of the aquariums. As he did his magic, all he talked about was wanting to be here when we showed you the place.”
Tears rim my eyes. “Maddox was a good friend.”
Bastian nods. “I’m not like the other kingpins. My men are my family.”
I caress a gentle touch over his stubbled cheek. “I know, Bastian. I know.”
He clears his throat and continues. “Arthur and Con loved pulling this kitchen together for you. I think they dreamed of you making your famous lasagna for them every day.”
His laugh breaks my heart.
“And then what? Bastian, be honest with me. What led to you not wanting me?” Strands of dark hair with silver shooting through it play over his forehead. I move them aside and place a kiss across all the creases marring his skin. I never considered his age as anything but a number, but right now he’s showing every one of his forty-five years. The weight of his life in mafia years seems twice as much as a normal man’s. For every year he lives, the stress costs him and today I see the toll his life’s choices are taking on him.
“The kiss we shared at Christmas was still fresh in my mind when I gutted this place and started from the wooden floors up. I, of all people, believed I had a chance at happiness and giving it in return. My father was adamant I would never find a woman willing to carry my name and accept the burden of being my wife. He couldn’t find a woman who accepted him and believed I was doomed to the same fate.” He pauses before gruffly adding, “I’m glad he’s dead and gone.”
Ghosts from the past cross his expression, leaving sorrow in their wake.
Bastian pauses long enough for me to move a few puzzle pieces into place. He keeps trying to give me his name and I keep refusing. It must rip at his heart and he must feel rejected every time I do it. A father’s teachings—whether right or wrong—carry weight and Bastian measures his worth by the burden of his father’s lingering words.
My heart hurts for the man I love.
Bastian pushes away and gestures to our surroundings with open arms. “I wanted to have this place ready for you by the time you came back from school. I was going to propose to you and be the perfect man in your life. I even had the spot picked out. The balcony is beautiful at night under a full moon. This far up we can barely hear the city. It’s almost like living in heaven.” As he speaks his face becomes more animated and I can feel the happiness push out the dread of the day. And then I witness reality strip away the hope lingering in his eyes from one second to the next.
“Pretty fucking stupid, huh?”
Shame and embarrassment weigh on the edges of his lips, making him frown. His handsome face is ashen white and the creases at the edges of his eyes look deeper than I remember.
I bite down on my lip and keep myself from replying automatically with a dismissive gesture that would make his crimes against me nothing more than irritating. He lives in a world where respect is of the utmost importance. If I want it in return, I’ll have to fight for it. Or at least that is how I was raised. My junkie mother is a lot of things and she might be out of the picture for good, but she taught me one thing. Men say a lot of pretty words and they are important to hear. But it’s their actions you have to measure them by.
I give his words some thought before I say, “Not stupid. Or not entirely stupid, anyway. You had no right to force me into marrying Liam Accandis. I am not a pawn in your game. I never will be. I ask again, why did you do it? If you wanted to propose to me, why did you want to give me away?”
