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“Like you’re going to cry with pure happiness. I wasn’t sure at first,” Ruby says. “I wanted to wait, but as soon as I got pregnant, I knew… and when I gave birth… it was like somebody tying an invisible rope around my heart and connecting it to her. It’s an almost surreal feeling, and you’re ready, Lexi. I can see that.”
“I wanted to tell him yes,” I whisper. “It’s crazy. It’s been, what, a week? Yet I know I want him forever.”
“When you know,” Ruby says confidently, “you know. You knew the first time you met Colt. You got so grumpy after you couldn’t see him anymore.”
“I knew,” I whisper, nodding. “I know. It’s just so hard sometimes, Ruby. I was always so cold. Now it’s like there are so many feelings I don’t know what to do with them. It was easier not caring.”
“But you always cared,” Ruby says softly. “Even when you pretended you didn’t. Even before Colt, you cared. You just thought you had to be tough for me.”
“I did have to be tough for you,” I tell her. “Mom and Dad, all those arguments. I’m not saying we had a terrible childhood.” I think of Colt, of what he suffered, the abuse and the pain, and then what he said about not being able to compare. “But it wasn’t all roses and picnics.”
When my phone vibrates, Lexy starts crying. Probably because a shiver of anticipation moves through me. Ruby takes her, rocking her gently as she begins breastfeeding. That soon calms Lexy down.
I take out my phone.
I’ve got a job for the rest of the night, but I’ll see you tomorrow. We can settle this.
Settle this… That sounds ominous.
I’ll keep you updated about our bully friend.
I bite down, wondering why he didn’t reply to the part about me calling it ominous. It’s like he’s doing what I used to do, making himself cold so he doesn’t have to burn in the fire of what we’re building.
“Ruby,” I say softly.
“Yeah?”
“Can I stay here tonight?”
“Uh, yeah. You don’t even have to ask. We can stay up late and watch bad movies.”
“Your favorite movies,” I say, grinning. “Those long, boring historical ones. Let’s do that, like old times.”
Ruby laughs, and then Lexy makes a sound too close to laughing for a newborn. Ruby gapes at me, and I stare at her with my mouth open.
“Did you hear that?” Ruby asks.
“Uh, yeah. That was creepy.”
Ruby giggles. “Did you just call your niece creepy?”
I laugh. “Sorry, Lex-eeeeeee.”
CHAPTER 31
Colt
As Dante drops his mom off at their house, an upscale place in the suburbs, I sit in my car, typing a text. I’m arranging for the dog walker to take Shadow out since Luca sent us a tip on the Serpents. One of their drug-running kids heard about what happened on the corner and tipped off the Marinos. It could be a trap, or it could end the bloodshed.
After arranging the dog walker, I return to Lexi’s and my text thread. Today’s been a hell of a day, first with the Ralph stuff, then the heat with my woman, and now this.
I shouldn’t have left things like that, I type and then almost delete it. I’ve done that too many times since we left each other: typed and deleted messages.
Quickly, I press send.
I’m so consumed with the phone that I don’t notice Dante approaching my vehicle. He knocks on my window, and I roll it down. “This car’s bulletproof, right, Colt?”
I nod. “As much as it can be without looking like a tank.”
“Shall we both ride in yours, then?” He’s got a serious look on his face.
“Sure. You drive.”
I climb from the car and move around to the passenger seat. He gives me an odd look but says nothing as he climbs into the driver’s.
My phone vibrates just as he’s pulling away. It’s not like I handled things great, either. I just panicked. It was weird. I felt boxed in, but I don’t even think that’s a bad thing. I could tell you something pretty pathetic right now.
You could never be pathetic to me, I tell her.
The only reason I stormed out was because I wanted you to follow me. I don’t usually do dramatic stuff like that, but that’s the real reason.
I let out a shaky, dark sigh. I wanted to go after you. I should have.
I could add, But that would mean telling you the truth. About my daughter. About her mother. About what I did.
I don’t add that because I’ve turned into a coward, apparently.
It’s okay. I’m staying with Ruby tonight, but I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.
Maybe I’ll have more control this time and stop myself from saying crazy stuff.
What if I don’t want you to have control?
I briefly turn my phone face down in my lap and watch as Dante drives out toward the docks. We’re heading to a Marino armory to get bulletproof vests and a few extra weapons. Dante glances at me and then at the road.
