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“I think I need another shower.” I laugh.
“In a minute,” he says, kissing the top of my head. “Stay with me for a moment.”
His arms wrap around my back, keeping me caged in, wrapped up in the smell of cologne and sex. I let my eyes fall closed, soothed by the way he runs his fingers through my hair and gently massages my scalp.
“Do you want to tell me why you punched Reid?” I ask, hating to break our little bubble but curiosity getting the best of me.
He expels a loud huff and his grip tightens against me.
“We got into a fight after our interview this morning. The guy at the radio station was a total dick and I lost my cool. I left mid-interview and Reid came after me, not too happy about it.”
“That doesn’t sound like you.”
Walker is usually pretty levelheaded and arguably the most professional one out of the four when it comes to engagements they have to attend or business matters they need to take care of. Something must’ve really hit a nerve and the longer I think about it, a deep sense of dread spools in my stomach.
“Did they say something about me?” I ask quietly.
Walker’s hands still against my back and I have my answer right there.
I sit up, body chilled now that I’m not wrapped up in Walker’s arms. This is exactly what I was worried about happening, my actions affecting him and his career. And to cause a physical fight between him and Reid? Sure, tension has been brewing between them for months now with the struggle of working on their new music, but I was the thing that set it over.
“I want you to stop right now.” Walker sits up and pulls me into his lap, forcing me to look at him. “I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it wasn’t about you because it was. The interviewer was beyond inappropriate in his line of questioning and I shut it down and left. Reid is having his own set of issues and you’re just an easy target for him right now to take them out on. Nothing about us has changed.” His green eyes are burning into mine, begging me to see the truth behind his words.
But I call back to what he said just moments ago.
“Why did you ask me to tell you I choose you? That I love you?”
His mouth twists to the side, a shadow of stubble covering his jaw. “I just needed to hear it again.” He looks embarrassed, as if asking for validation is something silly.
I grab his face in my hands, lightening my grip when he grimaces as I come in contact with the bruise. “I’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it. I don’t know what was said to make you doubt it, but I’ll never stop telling you how much I love you.”
I’m not sure what Reid or that interviewer said to get in Walker’s head like this, but irritation slips through me at the image of Walker being pushed into a corner in what should be a professional setting, and then Reid not only not coming to his defense but digging a deeper hole and throwing Walker over the edge.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” My answer is immediate.
“Are you ever tempted?”
“Tempted?” I ask, stalling, while my brain fumbles with whether or not to be truthful.
“To drink,” Walker says, scanning my face.
My mouth opens and closes, no words coming out. Fuck me. I can’t lie to him and I don’t want to, but I also don’t want to hurt him.
“Sometimes,” I settle on.
I don’t miss my life before I got sober, the way I felt, the way I made other people feel around me. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t wake up some mornings and crave a drink more than I craved my next breath.
“But I never want to go back to the person I was before,” I tell him honestly.
Walker searches my face, a sense of relief falling over him. Pulling me close, we hold each other until the air conditioner kicks back on and goosebumps cover our skin. We rise and go take a shower together, taking turns lathering the other one up and ending with my legs wrapped around his waist, him driving into me against the tiled wall and hushed I love yous whispered into each other’s ears.
32
WALKER
I want to be sitting here about as much as I want needles to be stuck in my eyes. And by the looks on the faces around me, I’d say that feeling is mutual.
