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“No, that’s not it – it’s that I did like it. A lot.”
Oh. Liv could only imagine how confusing this must be for Juliette. She had been so busy proving Juliette was gay, she had forgotten to think about what it might be like for Juliette going through that discovery. “That’s fine, too,” she assured her. “We’re just experimenting, remember? There are bound to be things you like and don’t like. So, we put oral sex on the list of things you like. A lot.”
“That’s just it – I shouldn’t be liking any of this with a woman, let alone liking it way more than I ever did with a man. Liv… I think I might be a little bit gay.”
VERY VERY GAY.
Liv felt a small smile creep over her face.
“That’s ok, Juliette. I swear, there’s nothing wrong with it.”
“I know that! You know I do. I just… I can’t be gay.”
“Why not?”
“You know my mother. She’d never accept me.”
“She’ll come around. If anything, you coming out will help speed up her journey.”
“No!” Juliette gasped. “Liv, I can’t come out. You mustn’t say anything to her – promise me!”
“Shh, it’s ok. I promise. I’m not going to out you, Juliette. You can come out in your own time.”
“I can’t. This has to stay a secret.”
Liv knew that coming out was a big deal to many people, and the last thing she wanted to do was pressure Juliette. She was sure that Juliette would navigate her own coming out journey eventually, but right now, she needed to support Juliette’s current decision.
“Whatever you decide is ok. You are in control, Juliette.”
“It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like my life is spinning out of my control. I don’t want to be gay, Liv.”
“Well, you know what I think – that you should live your life as who you are. But you don’t have to take my advice. No one is forcing you to date or sleep with women if you don’t want to. You are in control of who you spend time with and what you do with them. You are in control of whether or not you come out. I promise, even though it feels like it’s all falling apart, it’s really not. I’m here for you, whatever happens.”
Juliette sighed as she turned and nestled her head into Liv’s breasts. It felt good. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It just feels overwhelming right now.”
“Of course it does. You’ve spent your whole life thinking you’re straight and now you’re having some serious doubts like that. It’s a real turnabout on your own axis. Just give it time. You’ll come around to the idea.”
“I hope so. It’s not me I’m worried about, though.”
“The only person who is going to tell your mom about this is you, and if you decide to do that, it’ll only be when you’re good and ready. Maybe you could even wait until she has kicked the last of her unsavory beliefs before doing it.”
“Is this it, then? Am I definitely gay?”
Yes. The way you came for me. The way fucking me turned you on. Definitely.
“That’s not a question I can answer for you, but the fact that you enjoyed this so much when you said you never really enjoyed it with men is a strong indicator that you probably aren’t so straight. Do you feel like you’re attracted to men at all?”
“I thought I was, but now I’m having doubts. I mean, I can tell when a man is logically attractive, but that doesn’t make me want to do anything with him. It’s not like with you. All I want is to get my hands all over you. I’ve never felt like that about a guy before.”
Yeah, she was definitely gay. However, Liv didn’t want to freak her out, so she kept that thought to herself. “We can keep experimenting. Once is hardly grounds to make a final decision.”
And ok, there was some selfishness to her statement. She was enjoying this. No, that wasn’t putting it strongly enough. Liv was loving this, more than she’d ever loved anything in her life. She didn’t want her dates and sexual encounters with Juliette to end. She wanted to draw it out for as long as possible, until she had convinced Juliette that the ‘experiment’ didn’t have to end at all.
“You’re right. I could still turn out to be straight,” Juliette added hopefully.
“Honestly, I wouldn’t count on it. But, it isn’t as simple as straight or gay. There are a lot of people who are somewhere in between. And, you never know what might happen. We can just keep going at your pace – even slow down if you want.”
“I don’t want that,” Juliette said quickly. “I want more of this. I want all of this. With you.”
