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What am I supposed to do?! The creatures are moving toward me, chanting louder and louder. I finally manage a small movement and retreat a step back from them. My blood is boiling; my whole body is strained to breaking point, and all I want to do is scream in pain. But I won’t. I mustn’t.
And then the creature closest to me reaches out with its long scrawny arm. It points its finger at me and says a single word. I don’t get a chance to try and decipher it, because suddenly everything bursts out of me. It’s as if the creature has commanded the strange power that’s invaded my body to burst out of me, sweeping along with it everything it comes into contact with. All at once, everything is brought to the surface: memories, emotions like anguish, sorrow, grief, misery, as well as physical sensations. I feel everything all at once. It’s unbearable. I scream and scream the way I did when I almost transformed into one of the fallen. And as I slump to the floor and open my eyes, I see countless destiny threads. Even those of the Council members shimmer in the darkness.
There are too many. I can’t take it. Their light blinds me and burns my eyes, my head, on top of all the pain already bursting out of me. And at that moment, I hear the voice of temptation again – the tantalizing promise that I could quickly end this suffering. I just need to merge with Yoru. Why not? It’s such a small price to pay to stop all this suffering, this endless agony.
With jittery eyes, I look down at my hand and see the smoke that’s already swirling around it. I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t stand the agony anymore. It would be so easy. I only have to go a little bit farther. What do I have to lose? It’s basically worth any price to end this pain. What do I owe anyone? I think of Kate. My mom. Ayden… Noah. They’ve always tried to help me. I’d lose them forever. But would that be so terrible? They’ll get over it. For sure. Nobody will miss me. The Council has finally got what it wants. They’ve deliberately pushed me to the limits of my endurance, done unspeakable things to me.
And that’s when I’m overcome with this all-consuming rage that builds inside me like an inferno. I won’t let the Council win. This is just a test. A challenge the Council has set for me. And I refuse to prove them right. I gaze around the room with fierce determination. The rage inside me gives me a new lease of energy.
All the Council members’ destiny threads are still snaking through the air. Their sheer number causes me pain, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t focus on just one of them and block the others out in order ease the pressure. I also have to fight against the inner voice that’s trying to tempt me to turn into one of the fallen. No, the threads are not the most important thing right now. The real problem is these creatures in front of me. And maybe I have a solution because I suddenly remember the hand-written note in one of the books: Creatures feed on fear. It makes them stronger. Their spell is broken through touch.
I draw on the strength of my rage and try to ignore the threads all around me. The pain, the torment, I just need to push it all into the background for a moment. Everything depends on that. One final attempt. And with that in mind, I heave myself back onto my feet, straighten up, and vent my pain with a scream. At the same time, I charge at the creature closest to me, burying my fear deep inside me and locking it away – I only have eyes for this one adversary. My arm shoots forward.
The creature is so surprised that it has no time to dodge me. And I achieve the unimaginable: I touch its cloak. I feel the damp moldering fabric, the soft, decomposing flesh, the bones. I look directly into its steely blue eyes, which are incongruous with the rest of it, and I smile. I’ve done it. I didn’t fail!
Or that’s what I think until I’m gripped by a force that threatens to break every bone in my body. An explosion of incomprehensible proportions slams into me, sweeping me with it and robbing me of my senses.
Chapter 18
I’m not dead. If I were, I couldn’t possibly be feeling this much pain. And it’s not just physical – my very soul feels irreparable destroyed, as if a circular saw has ripped into me, shredding me into a thousand pieces. It hurts so much; it’s so indescribably painful. Sheer desperation floods through me, fear, hopelessness, and the sense that I’ll never escape these horrible feelings.
I can hardly move, and when I try, the pain spikes. I want to scream, but no sound comes out. And there’s that voice again, trying to tempt me. What’s the point? Why are you doing this to yourself? You know it’s hopeless. This pain will never end. It’ll destroy you, drive you insane, and then there’ll be nothing left of you. There’s only one way out. Just take it. You came so close once before.
Is that true? Will it really never end? How could I endure that? I’ve reached the end of my rope; I can’t take any more of this.
“Miss Franklin,” says a muffled voice.
“What did she do? Why did she touch the harbinger? She looked like a crazy person when she charged at it like that,” says a woman’s voice.
“She didn’t understand that the actual task was to exert control over the threads. Instead, she followed some manic impulse. I keep saying – she doesn’t think before she acts. And this just proves me right.”
I’m pretty sure that was Mr. Fabrici’s voice – so condescending that my blood starts to boil again.
“If she tried to attack the harbinger using magic, at least that would have been understandable. But all she did was lunge at it.”
That must be Matilda Cunningham. I’d recognize that snooty tone anywhere.
I’m stunned and so full of rage. It manifests as heat shooting through my veins. I feel like hurling my hatred at these people, my indignation, my disappointment, my pain. The Council members have nothing better to do than discuss my mistakes after this perverse test. Nobody’s paying me any attention; nobody cares whether I’m hurt. Eventually, I manage to move my head enough to see the blurry scene before me. Dark shapes illuminated by a light.
“Miss Franklin,” says a voice right beside me. It sounds kind and concerned. Finally! “How are you feeling?”
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Albert,” Mr. Montrell’s booming baritone chimes in. “You know the test subjects don’t suffer any permanent damage. I’m sure it’s unpleasant and she’s not feeling on top of the world. But they don’t get seriously injured.”
Where does his certainty come from? A couple of ancient reports by people who only observed the process? Did anyone bother to find out what the test subjects looked like on the inside? Of course not – how could they? They were probably just examined physically, asked a few questions, and then discharged. The testers simply got the answers that they wanted to hear. All totally harmless.
“You know this test isn’t painless,” Mr. Cunningham retorts.
Mr. Montrell snorts contemptuously. “Someone who can’t endure a little physical pain is not up to the challenge of possessing such a gift. That’s the bare minimum. Think about everything we’ve had to endure over the course of our lives.”
Oh, yeah, sure – I bet Mr. Montrell has fought heroically. He looks like a born hunter.
“She shouldn’t allow herself to lose control like that,” he grumbles on.
I flinch when someone touches my arm. The touch is unpleasant, reverberating through my body and jangling my nerves. I don’t know where I find the strength, but I tear free of it and hiss, “Stop it!”
“What did I tell you? She can’t be feeling that bad.”
I can’t take it anymore – the rage burning me up inside and this horrendous pain – it’s all too much. And there it is again, the voice: Just do it! Don’t resist. It’s pointless. You can’t fight this forever, and now is the perfect moment. Show them what you’re capable of, how strong you are. Have your revenge for everything they’ve done to you!
