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I can’t bear it. It hurts so much to see him like this. So I tentatively put my hand on his shoulder. It’s a benign gesture, but it prompts him to stop walking and look at me. I catch my breath for a moment. So many feelings flood through me, and I don’t know what to think.
“Frances’ funeral was today,” he says in a husky voice.
I stare at him incredulously. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He runs a tired hand through his hair. “You needed a clear head to prepare for the interrogation.”
I can understand his motivation, but I still wish I’d known. I could have spared at least some of my headspace for Frances. I owed her that much.
“I can only imagine how awful today must have been for you,” I say. I picture Noah in a black suit, surrounded by Noctu in front of an open grave. I have no idea what Noctu funerals are really like, but I can’t get that image out of my mind. The pain surges over me in a searing hot wave, and I fight back the tears. I think of Frances, her laugh, her sassiness – and then all the other people I’ve lost recently.
I see the guilt in Noah’s eyes and the pain and anger.
“It’s not your fault.” I’ve heard these words so many times myself, and I know they don’t help. But there’s nothing else I can say.
“They glossed over everything,” Noah says, clenching his fists. “They’re saying Frances distanced herself from me before she died. That she didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore, because I was neglecting my duties and expounding ideas that made it obvious I could never be a responsible Assembly member. They said Frances refused to go along with that and rejected me and that I couldn’t accept it. Her family claims I invented the whole story. They say two Noctu witnessed Frances being attacked by a bunch of Tempes. They tried to help her, got injured themselves, and couldn’t save Frances in the end. And everyone bought it. Can you believe that?!” He stares at me. His eyes are smoldering with anger and hatred. “Once again, her parents have succeeded in keeping their name clean, and instead they drag mine through the dirt. Eventually, it’ll be water under the bridge – that’s what they’re banking on. And now my parents are demanding that I do more for the Noctu. They want me to attend more Assembly meetings. I’m supposed to prove my loyalty.” He shakes his head and stares at the pavement. “I thought I could change things. Obviously, I realize that not all Assembly members are like them. But after my public humiliation, no one wants anything to do with me anymore.”
I stare at him in disbelief. I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry he has to go through all this. Frances’ death was cruel and senseless. But Noah hoped that at least it might force her parents to change their ways, that they might own up to what they’d done and acknowledge their mistakes. But that didn’t happen, which makes Frances’ death even more senseless.
“I did some digging on that Alessandro guy,” he mutters. “He actually went out and killed people for their dying breaths. The hunters weren’t aware of it because they can’t investigate every death for foul play. But we have better sources. He gave the dying breaths to Frances, who supplied them to her brother.” He shakes his head sadly.
There’s nothing I can say to take his pain away, nothing that will ease his suffering. I look at Noah and wish I could put my arms around him. He seems to sense this, and I see a flicker in his eyes that I’m not sure how to interpret. I move a step closer and reach out to him, but his expression becomes closed off and dark again. He slowly turns around, raises his hand in a wave, and leaves.
I command Yoru to hurl a ring of fire, focusing intently on my odeon, and I can feel it streaming out of me as Yoru maintains the hex. I try to adjust the amount so that the odeon doesn’t all leave me at once. Then I send my key spirit a final small burst of energy, and the flaming ring expands, glows brighter, and then vanishes in a puff.
I lean forward with my hands on my thighs, panting. Training is always strenuous, but since I found out about the test, I’ve been pushing myself even harder. I have no idea what to expect from it, but I’m sure of one thing: I’ll need a lot of energy, and I’ll have to be strong.
“Are you sure you want to keep going?” Kate asks at the end of class.
I nod resolutely. “I can’t afford to be lazy now. I have to pass this test.”
The idea of being forced to live with the Fabricis makes me shudder. I know they don’t have a lot of sympathy toward me. After all, I was there when their son died, and I’m pretty sure they partly blame me for it. Alfredo certainly does. So I know I won’t have a pleasant time there. Never mind the fact that I want to make my own life choices, and I can only do that if I’m not locked away somewhere.
“You want me to stay and help?” asks Kate. “We could train together.”
“But you’re supposed to go visit your mom and dad. They haven’t seen you in ages, and I know how your mom can be when her plans get messed up.”
“I’m willing to risk that for you,” she says with a mischievous grin.
“It’s okay. It looks like I’m going to be here every evening for the next while. So there’ll be plenty of opportunities for you to keep me company.”
Kate nods and waves goodbye, and then I’m alone in the gym with Yoru. I take a deep breath and get back to my training. Again, I command Yoru to launch a variety of attacks, and I send the commands with varying amounts of odeon. I also work on my conditioning by running across the hall, picturing imaginary opponents that I need to evade and commanding Yoru to attack.
After a few minutes of this, every muscle in my body is burning. But I’m not ready to stop. The Council hasn’t set a date for my test, but I’m pretty sure they won’t want to wait too long. So there’s no time to waste.
While I’m dashing around the hall and Yoru’s hurling one fireball after another, I rack my brains about how I can find out more about this test. First, I think of the school library. Then it occurs to me that I could use the one in the hunters’ wing. I should probably try both. I seriously doubt the information will be readily available, but I have to try. Plus, I can’t afford to lose sight of the whole mystery of the goddesses’ library. I was hoping that I’d have time to focus on that with Noah, but now…
I trip over my own feet as Yoru’s fireball goes in completely the wrong direction and lands right in front of me. Its intense heat blasts me in the face.
“Shit,” I hiss.
That was my fault. I wasn’t concentrating, and a lack of focus generally gets transferred to your spirit. I scramble to my feet and push on. I can’t fail!
Chapter 7
Irub my tired eyes and stretch. I’ve been sitting in the hunters’ library for three hours trying to find information on the destiny test. So far without success. The selection of books is pretty sparse. There are none about the goddesses, let alone the test. Any mention of the goddesses portrays them as mystical beings that people used to believe in. And there are poems about them – mostly desperate-sounding people imploring fate to be merciful, addressing the goddesses without being aware of them.
And it’s no wonder I can’t find anything here because students have access to this library, and the Tempes do everything they can to hide the fact of the goddesses’ existence from them.
