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“I’m fine.” He tips my chin up so I’m looking into his eyes. “You’re not about to confess to being a serial killer, are you? Just a tax evader?”
“I’m not a serial killer. And I love your chocolate chip cookies.”
“Right. Those were my only deal-breakers. So we’ve established I’m not planning to walk away. What about you?”
“I’m not planning to go anywhere. I want to see where this could go…” I trail off, not sure I can confess the thing that’s been keeping me up at night. Swallowing hard, prepared for backlash, I say it in a rush. “I want kids. I want to get married and have a family. Not today, but someday sooner rather than later.”
“I love being a dad.” Kel’s voice is low. “Olive is the best part of my life, the one thing that I feel confident about. I’m not a perfect parent, but I like being a parent. Which is more than I can say for a lot of other people. Besides,” he grins down at me. “I’ve always wanted Olive to have siblings.”
“So, if I told you that I maybe fell a little in love with Olive before you, you won’t be mad about it?”
“You Jerry Maguired me?” Kel busts out laughing before grabbing his ribs and groaning.
I hide my face in the space between us, giggling. “Ophie said the same thing. No, I don’t want you just for your kid. I happen to want you both.”
We lay together on my bed, laughing and sighing. A weight has been lifted off me, hearing Kel say he’s not going anywhere. I can only hope that my words did the same for him.
Comfortable silence settles between us after a bit, which I break. “So, tell me what happened with Nate.”
Kel strokes the side of my arm as he recounts the story. “Nothing has been good enough for him since he came home. I hadn’t realized that meant me too, until today.”
“Did you leave enough of him behind for me to throat punch?” I surprise myself with the vehemence of my words. “How dare he say you’re not good enough?”
“He didn’t say that exactly. More like he thinks I’ve been taking advantage of his parents' generosity while he’s been gone.” The way his voice gets thick gives away how much Nate’s words hurt.
My hand creeps up to rest over his heart. “No wonder you punched him. He’s the one taking advantage of you.”
Kel wraps his fingers around mine, holding my hand against him. “I needed to hear that. I shouldn’t have fought with him though. Olive saw the whole thing.” His heart thumps beneath our hands, slow and steady. I could listen to it all night.
“Poor thing. Was she scared?”
“Yeah, but she seemed okay when I left her with Jackie and Greg.”
I push myself up so I can look at Kel’s face. “The fact that Nate is twisting the way you stepped in to take care of his parents, his vineyard, and his legacy, into you being the bad guy makes me so mad for you.”
A sharp cramp, echoed with a dull ache spreading across my lower back, makes me wince. Kel pulls me back down beside him.
“Not that I’m not enjoying you being ready to crusade on my behalf, but I’m worried about you. Are your periods usually this bad?”
“Yes and no.” I hedge for a moment, scared to admit the truth. Scared to confess the exact same thing that led to Frank leaving me. And even though I know in my head that Kel is a thousand times the man than Frank ever was, my heart is beating out of my chest wanting to be anywhere but here.
“My whole life they’ve been pretty irregular, and sometimes I get really bad ones like this. I’ve been on birth control off and on, but I don’t love the way it makes me feel. I’m on it now, like I told you, but…”
“You’re not—” His breathing stops, his chest frozen beneath my palm. “Are you pregnant?” Kel’s eyebrows furrow, and his chest picks back up, rising and falling quickly. “When did…? You were on antibiotics from the stitches.” It’s more of a statement than a question.
“I’m not.” I hurry to reassure him. “I’m not pregnant. But, for a few days, I thought I might be.”
“Oh.” Kel is quiet for a long moment, and I’m too scared to break the silence. With a grunt, Kel turns on his side, pulling me into his chest. Strong arms wrap around my middle, pulling me tight against him. One hand drifts down my stomach, settling over my lower abdomen. His hand is warm and soothing, as are the soft kisses he presses to the back of my neck.
“Are you upset?” My words come out cracked and unsure, so I clear my throat and try again. “I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, to be honest. I want kids, like I said. But I was hoping it would be on purpose, not an accident.”
Kel hugs me close. “I get that. I’ve done the accident thing, and while I wouldn’t trade Olive for the world, it’s really fucking scary.”
There’s a lump in my throat that I can’t speak past. “I always wanted to be excited about it, if I ever got pregnant. But twice—” I stop, not able to get the words out as my throat closes up. Twice now I’ve almost gotten the one thing I’ve always wanted and both times it was a false alarm. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.
Kel gives me a moment, but when I don’t say anything, he presses a gentle kiss behind my ear. “How could you be excited when you had no idea how I was going to react?”
I nod, squeezing his hand tight.
