AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Thanks. I want to be back to the person I was, but I don’t think that’s possible.” That naïve little girl was gone, destroyed.
Erin smiled sadly. “Hey, we all change. Nobody stays the same.”
“Yes, but I want to get better.” Being scared was exhausting and lonely.
Erin squeezed her hands. “And you are. And you will! Look at you! You’ve got a bunch of people at your house. And now you’re touching somebody else. You’re making amazing progress, Wiz. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise, okay? Including yourself. Give yourself permission to go slow and be proud of how far you’ve come.”
She squeezed Erin’s hands back. “Okay. You’re right. I just need to go at my own speed. I know that. It’s just...hard.” She wanted to run upstairs and hide in her bedroom, but she didn’t.
“We’ll be here. You can call me or Ryan at any time. Anytime at all, doesn’t matter if it’s zero three or fifteen hundred. Got it?”
“Thanks.” Wiz swallowed. “I’m okay now. I think I can go back to everyone.”
“Good.” Erin smiled. “Stop in the bathroom and splash some water on your face first, though.”
Wiz let go of Erin’s hands and wiped her face, surprised her cheeks were wet. She hadn’t realized she was crying. She hadn’t cried since she got out of the hospital. She nodded, and Erin left. Wiz went to the powder room behind the kitchen and looked in the mirror. Her eyes were a little red, and her nose was running too. She blew her nose, then did as Erin suggested and splashed some water on her face. Good thing she never wore any makeup. Not anymore.
She looked in the mirror again. She hardly ever looked at herself, other than to make sure she didn’t have toothpaste on her chin. Jeff used to tell her she was beautiful, back when they were dating. She met some of the standards for beauty, like big eyes, a small nose, and a kind of pointy chin. She always thought she looked a little too much like an anime character, but there were lots of men who liked that look, Jeff among them. Well, until he found out she wasn’t one dimensional, and she was smarter than he was. Way smarter. Cheating dumbass loser. But even though he’d been a terrible husband, his abandonment in her greatest time of need cut deep.
Even worse was the way his friends had rallied around not only Jeff, but every man who’d been downrange with her. They’d all been investigated, and most of them resented having to talk with officials because of “some dumb girl who got attacked.” They should have never known who she was, but Jeff spilled the beans. He claimed it was an accident, but it didn’t matter. They made her life miserable. But she’d gotten back at all of them, outing their cheating to their significant others, investigating their lives on her own, and turning over evidence of wrong-doing to civilian authorities or anonymous fraud lines, and posting pictures and video of their bad behavior on social media. She’d even found two who proudly claimed, on a dark web site, that they’d assaulted women. Those two she’d outed to their spouses and posted about them on social media. When they tried to cheat their former spouses by hiding their money overseas, she’d found it and transferred it all to the spouse after their divorces were final. She’d almost gotten caught on the second one.
In hindsight, her therapist had been right. Revenge hurt her worse than it hurt them. But it had been satisfying in the moment, and despite keeping her part in the revelations secret, it wasn’t long before she had a reputation as an online white-knight of sorts. But in person was a different story.
She used to like being underestimated because of her looks. But no more; she wished she resembled Erin—tall and strong. No one would ever think she was a pushover. But Wiz wasn’t weak, so she’d made sure no one could mess with her ever again. She was tough. And being tough meant she needed to learn how to live her life again. Really live, not just exist. In some ways, it would have been better if she’d been poor. Then she wouldn’t have been able to hide. Maybe she’d have been forced to deal with her emotions sooner. But maybe she wouldn’t have—she could have become just another statistic. That was all in the past. She had to deal with emotions and people.
So, buck up, Wiz. Get back out there and be the person you want to be, not the person you are. Perception is reality. You’re tough but nice. Strong but compassionate. Smart. Pretty? She shook her head. Not ready for that one yet. Ready to be someone’s friend? Yes. She could be a friend, not just an acquaintance. So, get out there!
She left the powder room and returned to the patio. Erin, Ryan, and Tom were standing in a close group, deep in conversation on the far side of the patio. Ryan was glaring, Tom neutral, and Erin talking intently. She didn’t need to get in the middle of that. She grabbed her water glass and sat near Pete. “Are you sure you don’t want to try sledding? It’s way more fun than you think.”
He chuckled. “I’m sure it is, but I have old bones. I don’t need to test them.”
“You’re not that old.”
“Well, that’s nice of you to say. But I am. And I test these old bones all too often already on the back of a horse, so there’s no sense in pushing it.” He smiled, then sobered and looked at her questioningly. “Speaking of pushing it, is my son pushing you? You left here pretty quick.”
“No. Just the opposite. He was telling me he wouldn’t push. And I appreciate that. It’s just... hard... for me to talk about my feelings.”
“If he does take things too far, and you need someone to tell him to back off, you let me know.” He pointed at his chest.
“Thanks. But I think Ryan’s taken on that role.” She tilted her head toward the three of them. Erin was still talking.
“Yeah, he was in Tom’s face as soon as you left.” Pete laughed. “He’s trying to pull off big brother, but he’s younger than you are, right?”
“Yes, he is.” She sighed. “But he was one of the only people I could rely on when I got home. He knows me better than anyone else. He’s earned the right to play big brother all he wants.”
“He’s a good guy, if a bit of a hot-head. You could certainly do worse for found family. But I’m glad you came over to talk to me because I wanted to ask you something.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, slowly. “If you’d be interested, I’d be happy to teach you to ride. Riding is a good skill to know out here, and some people say riding is therapeutic. I find horses soothing. Sure, the four-wheelers are easier and more efficient, but a horse, well, there’s nothing better than riding a horse someplace to make you feel better. Something about controlling a beast that large helps me feel in control.” He swallowed hard. “I know it’s what kept me from going off the deep end when I got back. And my wife.”
“I know they use horses a lot in therapy.” She grimaced. “But I don’t think I’d be comfortable having a bunch of people watch me.” No way she could be in a class or with more than one or two people.
“Oh, no.” He shook his head. “It would just be the two of us. The folks across the road, they’re only here a few weeks a year. We watch their place for them, and in return, we can use it whenever they’re not around. They have a covered riding arena, so we can use that, just the two of us.” Pete raised his brows with a small smile.
“You know, I’d actually like that a lot. I’d like to know more about horses anyway, and I can see where riding would be a useful skill to have. But I don’t want to be a bother.”
“You won’t be. It’s settled. We’ll have lessons a couple times a week. You tell me what works best.”
