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I glance over to Jacob, whose bloodshot eyes are half-lidded. He’s also wearing earbuds. And has a tattoo that says #blessed along the ridge of his jaw. And looks maybe nineteen years old. A hundred bucks say he’s stoned.
“Yeah. We’ve got the Rocky Mountains,” I say.
He laughs. “Oh man, that’s freaking awesome.” He grins down at his pan. “Must be a ton of snow right now, huh?”
I exhale sharply. I shouldn’t be so annoyed with him. At least he’s being nice and isn’t talking shit behind my back. “Yeah, it tends to snow a lot in Denver this time of year.”
“Cool beans, my man.” Just then he looks up at me and his eyes go wide. “Oh damn, it must be so trippy being here in LA for the winter. Especially with all the palm trees. And aloe vera.”
I frown at him. This guy is so random. “Uh, yeah. Kind of, I guess.”
A second later, he’s smiling. “My girl hates how warm it is here in the winter. She always wants to go someplace cold and snowy.”
Just hearing Jacob mention his girlfriend makes me feel like my chest is about to crack in half.
Tori.
God, I miss her.
We haven’t spoken, not since I left her apartment the night I told her about this job.
I think back to how excited she was when I first told her about the job offer from my dad…and the way her face fell when I told her about LA.
I think about how sad she looked when I talked about possibly taking the job and how she quickly reined in her expression. I could tell she was trying to be supportive. But I could tell too that she didn’t want me to go. I didn’t want to either.
But this job was something I didn’t feel I could turn down.
As soon as I left her apartment that night, I called my dad and accepted the job. Then I booked a flight out to LA the next day. No use sticking around Denver. I had already made my decision.
But I lost Tori because of it.
I press my eyes shut, the sting of regret throttling me.
God, I fucked this up.
In my head, I replay that night. I go over how I came across so unsure about the job offer…and how that caused me to seem unsure about us and our relationship.
Even though I wasn’t. I was sure I wanted to be with Tori. I was sure I wanted to stay together.
And I’m sure that I love her.
I think about how I was going to tell her that I love her, but then I got that job offer and we started talking and arguing about that, and it just didn’t feel right in the moment to suddenly say, “I love you.”
I wanted my first time saying those words to her to be perfect. I didn’t want to do it in the middle of a fight as we were breaking up. It wouldn’t have felt right.
That ache in my chest lingers, despite how hard I concentrate on work. It’s been there since I saw that broken look on Tori’s face when she said we were over. And it intensifies every time I think about her, every time I reach for my phone and think about calling or texting her.
But what would I say? She made it clear that long-distance isn’t an option for her. And I made it clear that I was going to take this job.
Nothing would change. I’d end up in the same place I am now, heartbroken over choosing work over the woman I love.
“But, like, I told my girl, we’ve got the beach here! We can go surfing on Christmas! Mountains and snow are cool, but surfing on Christmas Day? That’s freaking rad.”
Jacob’s rambling jerks me back to the present.
“Oh, uh…yeah, surfing,” I quickly say. “That’s pretty cool.”
“It really is.” He flashes a lazy grin at me, nodding. “You know something, man? You’re pretty cool too.”
