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“They aren’t one-hundred-percent sure, but they are leaning toward an eating disorder.” Eli’s face falls with every single word. I know saying it out loud makes it real. It makes everything real.
“This is a new thing, right? I mean, I don’t remember you ever telling me this before. Sorry. Fuck if I’m not stumbling over my every word.”
I pat Eli’s hand to let him know I’ve got this. “I’ve suspected it but only recently. I’ve had it happen to a few friends in the past. But Sam, we didn’t know, no.”
“I can only imagine what this feels like for you and you family,” Lucy adds. “I know if it was my sister, I’d be beside myself. What’s the plan, like Dylan said? What comes after an overnight stay?”
“Well, we need to get her home. Then I’d suppose therapy. The doctor on her case said they’re going to have someone from the psychiatric service come by and talk to us. I’m sure we can ask questions about the path then. I’ve got to call our parents and let her boss know she’ll need some time off.”
“Let me call and see if I can get that jet on standby again. That way you can take it whenever you need to, and it will be more private for Hayley.”
“Thanks, Sam. That would be great. Tell them thank you.”
“I’ll make sure the plane is ready tomorrow morning and you can go right to the airport from here, no matter what time.”
“Thank you,” I add. “Thank you for everything. I wish the trip had turned out like the vacation we’d like it to be.”
“I hate to say it, but maybe, eventually, this will be a blessing in disguise.”
I hope Eli and the family can one day see it that way… me too.
Chapter Eighteen
Wes
The night was long. I felt like I was in a terminal meeting. I was the one who did ninety percent of the talking. Every so often I could get Hayley to respond to me. It was like I was telling stories to a small child who was awake all night.
I was grateful when she did fall asleep. That way I didn’t have to keep my happy face on. She didn’t move away from my chest much, other than to take small walks, have a little bite to eat, or freshen up. I’m glad I could comfort her in some way. I don’t know what to do otherwise.
We watched through the small crack in the curtains when the psychiatrist was in with her. Hayley’s characteristic mannerisms were nonexistent. She was my girl but not my girl. My usually animated girlfriend seems timid, shy, and small. I need to see her be her again.
Hayley slept curled up on the cream sofa on the right side of the plane the whole cross-country flight. Occasionally she would mumble a little bit. Eli and I would jump every time. Dylan would stroke Hayley’s hair from beside her and she would stop.
Halfway through the flight, I go into the back of the cabin away from everyone. I need a minute, like when Eli was in the hospital, to try and sort everything out in my head. Just a goddamn minute to center. Eli gives me a few before he follows. He sits down across from me and says nothing. Fuck. Sometimes that’s worse than word vomit.
“Say it,” I tell him.
“Say what? I’m just sitting here.”
“You haven’t had the talk with me yet, so please, get it over with.”
“What are you talking about? I’m worried about you too. I don’t want to say too much so I’m saying nothing.”
“Jesus Christ. Are you kidding? Saying nothing is worse. I don’t know what to do for her. I’ve known her since she was what… seven? I look at her right now and I see both someone I love and a stranger.”
“What are you going to do about it when we get home?”
“What do you mean?”
“Okay. Like I said, I don’t want to say too much, but I think we’re at a point of no return. Does Hannah know about Hayley?”
“What? Of course she does.”
“Let me ask it more pointedly. Does Hannah know Hayley’s place in your life and the life of your child? And for that matter, does Hayley know her place in your life and the life of your child?”
Wow. I should know my best friend doesn’t pull punches by now. This cuts to the heart of it. “Hannah knows I have a girlfriend. Hayley knows I love her.”
“Do you plan on staying with Hayley long term?”
