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“Good choice,” he said, taking two cans out of the fridge.
They sat across from each other at the table as they dug into their lasagna that was still warm and smelled heavenly. “This lasagna is so good,” Hallie said.
Caden nodded. “I’ve never gotten anything from that place I didn’t like.” He was quiet for a long moment, then said, “I did something today.”
Hallie looked up from her food, but didn’t say anything, just waiting for him to continue. She’d picked at her food, not wanting him to think she didn’t like it or appreciate the lengths he’d gone in making tonight special.
“I returned Ethan’s file. I’ve decided to put the past to rest and move on with my life.”
Hallie struggled to take in air. The fork slipped from her fingers and landed on the table with a small bounce before tumbling to the floor. “What?” A heavy boulder formed in the pit of her stomach. She was too late. She’d waited too long to tell him and now he was giving up. Those shadows she kept seeing in his eyes were going to become permanent fixtures and she hated that for him. Those steel gray eyes deserved to shine and sparkle with joy and hope. Now. She had to speak up right now. “Caden -” she started to say.
“No, it’s okay,” he interrupted. “I’ve been so obsessed with my brother’s case that I haven’t been able to fully enjoy my life. And now that I have you, I want to be fully present, here with you, in this home, in our lives that I hope we continue to build and grow into.”
“Caden, there’s something I need to tell you,” she said, pushing her to-go box aside. She didn’t have much of an appetite before, but now, she couldn’t even stand the sight of that delicious lasagna.
“Okay,” he said softly. “I know something’s been on your mind, and I want to hear it. All of it. But first,” he stood and extended his hand to her. She took it and let him lead her to the couch, where he plopped down, and pulled her down into his lap. Her legs extended in front of her on the cushions, and her back rested against his arm as her side pressed up against his front. She felt so safe and secure in his arms, Hallie knew this was going to be the way she wanted all their future important conversations to go - assuming he didn’t decide he wanted nothing to do with her after she told him the truth about his brother.
“Can I say something first?” Caden asked.
Hallie nodded.
“I know you’re nervous about whatever it is that you want to say, but just know that I’m on your side. So if you’re in some kind of trouble or if you think you did something you shouldn’t have, I’ll be here for you.”
Hallie’s heart warmed at his sweetness, but she really needed to just get the words out. She’d been thinking about the right way to tell him all day, but in that moment, all the words she’d planned to say completely flew out of her mind leaving her with a terrifying blank slate. “I…” She closed her eyes, and it was only his arms tightening around her that made her open them. “Caden…” She started to say, then decided she needed to explain first. If he understood why she hadn’t told him sooner, then maybe he wouldn’t be so angry with her.
He gentled his features and cupped the side of her neck “You can tell me anything. Always.”
She nibbled on her bottom lip, tearing her gaze from his before starting. “When I was a kid, my parents had a hard time dealing with my glimpses. I was too young to really understand them, and so I would scream and throw temper tantrums. My parents took me to see different doctors, thinking I had either a behavioral or psychological issue. These doctors would put me on various drugs that made my head feel foggy, or like my whole body was floating. I hated it and it did nothing to stop the glimpses. Eventually, I learned not to talk about them and I’d usually just flush the pills down the toilet or shove them down the sink drain when my parents weren’t looking.”
His gaze darkened with her words, but his touch remained gentle and reassuring. She hadn’t planned on telling him all this, but now that she’d started, she had to tell him everything. “I told you I went to India and China because I wasn’t ready to go to college, but the truth is, I was just trying to get away from my parents and all the doctors and drugs they were forcing on me. During the course of my travels, I’d hoped to find a shaman or someone out there to help me in a more natural or even mystical way. But there was no one like that. I mean, I saw plenty of shamans, but none of them could help me. I was well and truly cursed with these glimpses.”
Caden drew in a ragged breath, brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. He didn’t otherwise interrupt, except to draw lazy circles between her shoulder blades with his other hand.
“When I came back, I had already spent all my savings and I didn’t really have a purpose or path in life. I had a particularly awful glimpse almost right after my return, and my parents were more determined than ever to keep me under medical supervision. Things are better now, but it still sometimes feels like I’m under some lock and key with them. I know they love me and they mean well, so I don’t hold it against them.
“Anyway, with their help, financially, I mean, I was able to go to college and then get a loan to open my store. In return for their help, I’ve had to submit to weekly sessions with a professional psychologist. We talk about whatever. I’ve never told her the truth about my ability, but my parents don’t care what we talk about, as long as they see a weekly bill from her. They’ve tried to get her to drug me on a few occasions when I’ve been slightly off due to lack of sleep or a really bad glimpse, but since I’m over eighteen, they can’t do that anymore without my consent.”
“God, Hales, I’m so sorry.” He breathed.
Hallie shook her head. “No, Caden, I’m not telling you this to make you pity me. I just need you to understand that I don’t usually come out and tell people when I see something. It scares me to open up, but it’s more than that. I’ve been taught, more like trained by the two people who love and know me best, to never tell anyone what I see. Because if I do, I’ll be seen as crazy and it will just give my parents more ammunition to put me back on those drugs, or worse, in some mental ward.”
“Have you ever been?” Caden asked softly, his gaze locked on hers.
Hallie nodded. “Once, just for a few days, but it was deserved - I guess. I’d had a really bad month of seeing some truly awful and scary things. I’d lost all my friends by then and I couldn’t get more than a few hours of sleep every night. I was in high school, failing most of my classes, and the kids were brutal. So, one night, I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I took some of my mom’s sleeping pills. I swear I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I was just trying to get some sleep. But I was a kid and I didn’t think ahead. I definitely took too many.”
“Shit,” Caden swore under his breath. He pulled her tighter into his arms. “Have you ever done anything like that since?”
“No. And it’s one of the reasons I hated that my parents made me take those other pills. What I did, and the way my parents looked at me after that - it honestly scared me.” Hallie sat in Caden’s arms, silent for a long moment. Having him this close was comforting and she needed that for what she was about to say next. “That’s why it’s taken me a while to tell you this. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone or by text message, but I was also scared. After how things went down with Blake, and the whole FBI thing, and now that you and I are together -”
“Hey,” he whispered, bringing a soft hand to the side of her face, gently raising her chin with his thumb until her gaze met his. “You can tell me anything. Anytime. There’s no time limit. And for the record, I will never make you do anything you don’t want to do, whether that’s taking pills, seeing doctors, or anything else. I swear to God, Hallie, you are safe with me.”
Tears pooled in her eyes at his words. It felt like she’d had to be on her best behavior her entire life out of fear of being drugged or locked away. To have someone tell her she could just be herself, without hiding the parts that scared her the most, was the most freeing feeling in the world. With a shaky breath and a quick glance into his steel gray eyes, Hallie was finally ready to tell him what she’d been holding back for weeks now. “When I was at your apartment a few weeks ago, I saw that picture of you with your brother.”
Caden nodded.
“I remembered something, a glimpse I’d seen before. I didn’t know back then what I was seeing. I’ve seen hundreds of glimpses, Caden, but I never forget any of them.” Hallie drew in another breath, bracing herself. “I don’t know how much you know about what happened the night your brother was killed.”
“Only what’s in the report,” Caden said quickly. “Right now, I’m more interested in what you saw. Tell me. What was it?”
