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“Let me help you.” Jax kicked the stand to her brand new two-wheel bike, decked out with pink and silver streamers hanging from the bar handles, a cool, silver bell strapped to the front that Jax just helped install, and pink flower decals scattered across the body.
He left her bike on the sidewalk and walked toward her, and though she was reluctant to let him help her, she reached her arm up as he bent down and wrapped the strap around her arm securing it into place.
“See, you just needed to pull a little harder.” Jax reassured her as he helped her up off the cement driveway of her home.
“Now, I can walk behind you if you can try to pedal slowly. I’ll only hold on to your seat but when you’re ready for me to let go, I will.” Jax smiled at her, lending credence to her teetering confidence; he knew she’d be able to do this without a doubt in his mind.
But she was pessimistic about the whole thing. Maybe also a little stubborn. But that’s what made Jax a good friend to Hollis. Even when she denied belief in herself, he was always right there cheering her on or making her feel like she could do anything.
“I’m gonna crash, and what if I break my leg or something? I really don’t think this is a good idea.” She threw her hands on her hips and stuck out her bottom lip. He almost laughed at her because he thought it was funny but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
“Best friends don’t let best friends break their legs. Besides, that’s why you put on your protective gear.” Jax reached his hand out for Hollis, and when she gave in, he guided her to the bike and waited patiently until her leg was thrown over before he let her go.
“Now make sure your helmet is secure and use one leg to hold your balance while the other is laying on the pedal.” He stepped back a bit to wait for her to get into position.
“Great, you’re doing good!” he complimented her. “Now, when I saygo, pick up your other foot and hold the balance of the bike between you. You’ll need to pick up this foot and put it on the pedal but you’ll also want to start pushing on this pedal to get your momentum going.” Jax tried his best to give her the best verbal instruction manual he knew how and she, though still hesitant, listened.
Hollis did everything he said up to the point where he saidgo. He counted down to three and said the magic word, so she picked up her feet and attempted to do what he instructed but instead of moving forward she tumbled to the side and crashed to the ground.
“Ugh, you said I wouldn’t fall,” Hollis whined as she laid under the bike. Tears were about to shed from her brown eyes.
“I never said you wouldn’t fall, Holli.” Jax reached his hand out to help her back up. “I said you wouldn’t break a leg. You’re gonna fall, probably a few times.” He shrugged his shoulders but it was an honest answer he gave her.
She stood up and dusted off her pink jeans. “I’m gonna be the only eight-year-old in the entire third grade to not know how to ride a bike.” She kicked the tires of her bicycle.
“Hey,” Jax cooed, reaching over to touch her shoulder. “Can I tell you a little secret?” he asked, and she nodded as her arms crossed against her chest.
“I didn't learn how to ride my bike until I was nine,” he whispered, and this made Hollis’s eyes go wide and her brows perk up. “So don’t be so hard on yourself.”
She dipped her head, chin to her chest, when she listened to Jax’s words. They were a form of comfort but she didn’t know how to not overthink something as simple as bike riding.
“You’re lying,” she accused him instead of accepting his friendly mantra. Her arms were crossed and her brows were drawn inward. He didn’t like that she thought he would lie to her, but he continued to help her find the courage to try again.
“Best friends don’t lie to each other. Now let’s try again. Would it help if you watched me one more time?” he asked, and a natural smile came across her face.
Jax walked over to his bike and jumped right on, but he slowed down his movements and talked his whole way through the process so that she had a visual to his words. After a minute of preparing himself on the bike, making sure she knew what he was doing, he took off and pedaled down the street.
Before Jax came back–he didn’t take more than a minute–and parked his bike, Hollis was already up on her own seat and pushing herself off the sidewalk just like Jax had shown her.
“Wait, Holli,” Jax shouted as he dropped his bike in an attempt to run and help her, worried that he wouldn’t be there if she needed him, but she took off pedaling and balancing all on her own.
“I’m doing it Jax, I’m really doing it!” Hollis shouted from a small distance as he watched her work her feet against the pedals.
“Yes, you are,” he whispered to himself, an adoring smile stretched across his face because he knew she could do it. Because he believed in her the whole time.
eight
Jax
IhatethatI’vespent the majority of the last few weeks trying to dive into what went wrong between Hollis and me. Okay, I don’t hate it. Because thinking about Hollis and everything that woman is fucks me up; one way or the other I’m screwed. And though I’m pissed at her for admitting that she purposefully blocked me, I can’t help but still feel the natural draw to her. Like a moth to a flame.
When she mentioned the night of the party–in the closet–I had to shake my head and rewind her words because it’s a true blast from the past kind of memory, but I remember that night all too well.
I showed up to that party specifically for Hollis. I was invited by my own friends but I was planning on ditching them to chill at home and think about how I was going to miss the fuck out of my best friend. The one I let slip away slowly. But when I found out that she was going to be there, I knew there was no way I was laying my ass in bed the rest of the night. I had to see her.
I was internally battling some serious what-ifs back then, having questions about crossing that line with her. Seeing Hollis again for the first time in forever brought up some of those thoughts, wondering how things could have been different if I had just been selfish enough to go after what I wanted.
I never wanted to stop being her friend, I always intended to stay in touch with her even if I was lying to myself about how serious I was about wanting more. But she didn’t give us that option, she took that choice from me by deciding that blocking me out of her life was what was best for her, but why? What could have possibly caused her to go to that extreme? She was my best fucking friend, and as far as I’m concerned, friends don’t do shit like that.
