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the prologues
Hollis
ELEVEN YEARS AGO
Iwatchittwirlaround in what seems like an endless circle, everyone’s eyes on it the same as mine. The anticipation thick. Who is it going to land on?
Besides my best friend, Jaelynn, and some others from our class, I am one of the youngest people here. It makes me a bit nervous because who would want to spend seven minutes in heaven with me? And who even convinced me to play this dumb game? Oh, right. That would be Jaelynn. She loves doing things that we probably shouldn’t be doing.
Her parents are gone for the weekend and her older sister, two years our senior, decided to throw a party with the sole purpose to commemorate the start of Summer break. And because Jae didn’t want to be the only incoming high school freshman in the house, so she invited me and a few others over.
What’s even better, Jaxon is here. And I know he’ll look out for me if I start to feel too uncomfortable.
Jaxon and I pretty much grew up together. Our moms are best friends. And though there’s a four-year age difference between us, he’s always been there for me. My best friend outside of Jae. He once held me as a baby, called me Holli on occasion because his lisp prevented him from saying theStoo well. He’d playfully pick on me when I wanted to play with Barbies, but only to turn around and still be Ken just for me. He taught me how to tie my shoes and ride a bike, mostly. But as we got older, he started hanging out with other people—guys his age.
Middle school is what separated us a tad, but he never let our friendship fade entirely away. He was still protective over me, and we hung out at the movies sometimes. And I started to feel something more towards him. Call it an absurd childish crush of some sort. A little ounce of spark. But it wasn't until about two years ago when I started to reallynoticehim. I got to see him grow and change. He was different. I was also different. But he still assured me we were best friends.
But we still did family dinners, almost every Sunday like clockwork. And if he wasn’t busy with his other friends, he’d take his spot right next to me, as usual, and talk to me like nothing had changed between us. Like he was still my best friend.
But then he stopped showing up as much. And soon, he stopped showing at all.
We'd text occasionally but realized that he wasn't the only one who's life was rerouting.
He’s almost eighteen now and I know he probably has a lot moreoptionswho are closer to his age than I am. And when he does turn eighteen, he’ll technically be an adult, and some would look down on the age difference at that point. An eighteen-year-old and an almost fifteen-year-old.
So, I never thought to tell him about the feelings I’d started to feel. Because I don’t want to ruin the friendship—what little of it is left—and I don’t want to be left embarrassed that I thought someone like Jax could actually want something more with someone like me.
But as the glass Coke bottle slows down from its rapid spin, and stops right in front of him, my heart stops in tandem.
No.
I can’t.
I look over to Jae who is almost giddy with excitement. She’s known about my crush on Jax since I figured it out myself.
Jax looks up at me, his smirk dropping a bit, but he looks at me as if it’s fine that we do this, or not do this. His eyes are incredibly…safe.
But my heart beats rapidly because being in this situation is not something I’m used to.
Why are we even here? Why did I agree to come to this stupid party? My mom would kill me if she found out that Jae’s older sister was throwing a party. And she would definitely kill me even more if she found me stuffed in a closet with some boy after playing spin the bottle.
But this is Jax. Part of me wants to think that she’d feel better knowing that he was here with me, but I know that won’t entirely be the case if she ever finds out.
I shake my head, more so to tell myself that I can't play this stupid game. I'll curse Jaelynn out later for daring me to. She knows I can't turn down a dare. I was never a fan of parties though, and now I know why. There’s too much at stake, like getting into trouble and dumb games like these that are way out of my comfort zone. I get good grades and stay home on the weekends. I don’t go out and play kissing games where kids my age are drinking and smoking weed out back. I love math and reading and things that feel safe…like Jax’s eyes. I don’t do stuff like this.
The chatter of everyone around us is loud enough for me to not be the center of attention as I try to gather my thoughts. And though the circle of players is waiting for us to get up and head into the closet—spin the bottle but make it seven minutes in heaven—they don’t rush it.
Which gives Jax enough time to send me a text message.
We don’t have to. But you know these assholes will make fun of you so I’d say we better head into the closet. We don’t need to do what anyone thinks we’re going to do. It’s your call, Holli. You know I’ll back you.
That’s who Jaxon is to me. My protector. My supporter. Mybest friend. Even after all this time. I know he’ll look out for me and do what’s best for me if I really need him to. I know he’ll also play along if I pretended to go into this stupid closet and told everyone we kissed just so I wouldn’t get made fun of. But what if I don’t want to pretend?
This would be the perfect time for me to admit my feelings to him. There’s only five more hours till midnight, meaning five more hours till he’s an official adult. And I’ll be fifteen in December, so it wouldn’t be that bad, right? And if he rejects me, oh well. He’s leaving tomorrow anyways, right? Something I don't think I've mentally prepared myself for yet but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
I send him a text back.
Pretend.
