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In this moment, even though we’re talking to one another, there is a chasm of distance between us. It’s growing with every passing second, and there’s nothing I can do to hold us together. The world is determined to push us apart, no matter what we want.
That really does make me feel terrible, so much worse than anything else. Riley really has had a deep impact on me in a way that I wasn’t expecting. She’s made me feel things I didn’t know I could.
I like Riley.
Ireallylike Riley.
So I don’t want her to slip through my fingers like grains of sand.
“I’ll come and see you today after practice,” I promise her, again not knowing if I can fulfill that. I really want to do what I promise. I hate the fact that I have been letting her down, but things just keep not working out for us.
But this time, I’m serious.
This time, I’m determined to make it to her place, no matter what I do.
“Yeah… okay…”
Riley doesn’t sound convinced, understandably so. I don’t know if I’d believe me either, but fortitude surges through me. Ihaveto see her. We have to have a proper conversation about this to work it out. It isn’t fair for external forces to destroy what could be.
Maybe we’ll end up being nothing. Maybe this won’t work, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself if we don’t try. I will be wondering ‘what if?’ for the rest of my life.
“I will speak to you later, Riley. I’ll call you as soon as I get a chance.”
“Sure thing. I hope practice goes well.” The heaviness in her voice sounds painful. It aches my heart.
“I hope your day goes well too. At work… or whatever it is you’re doing.”
“Thank you, Alex.”
I stare at my phone for a little while after we’ve hung up, wishing I could reach through and touch her. Just feeling Riley’s hand in my own will make me feel better; I’m sure of it.
But I can’t.
I’m expected on the ice already. Coach will be out here looking for me in a minute; Benjamin won’t be able to protect me much longer. I have to do what I need to and fulfill my duties to my team.
I sigh heavily to myself, the weight of this truly pressing down on me. One thing I know for sure is that I willneverlet the mediain my life again. This has proven everything that I suspected and feared. This is why I didn’t want anything to do with the press ever, and now I never do again.
Aside from Riley, of course. I wantlotsto do with her, despite her journalistic career. I like her so much that none of that matters.
Chapter 17—Riley
‘Can you believe this dump truck of an article even got published? #BoycottRileyAnderson’
‘I hate her arrogance. How could she write this, making things worse for our team? Some fucking sports fan. #PrayForAlexBarrett’
‘#RileyAnderson’s address is on Reddit. I think the original photographer posted it.’
I can’t take it anymore.
Seriously, I cannottake it.
This shit is just getting out of hand. I’ve reported any mention of me I’ve found, but I don’t think that will be enough.I don’t know if terrible things will happen anyway because so many people have already got my address.
I’m so tense that every time I hear a strange sound, my heart leaps into my throat. Sickness has been swirling around in my stomach so violently I don’t know how I haven’t puked yet. I keep overthinking, convincing myself that any minute now, someone is about to break in, to do God knows what.
I haven’t ever felt so unsafe in my own home before. It’s terrible. It doesn’t matter what I do, I’m scared. The curtains might be drawn, all the doors locked, but the fear remains. I can’t even talk to anyone about it. Not Mom, because she desperately wants me back in Cold Springs, and I don’t know what I want to do about that yet, and not Sara because she’s freaked out enough as it is.
I really wish I could see Alex, but I know he’s too busy. He keeps calling me and reassuring me all the time, but he never manages to make it to see me. He can’t, I suppose. I don’t blame him, but it still hurts.
