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So, why am I walking through this door?
I take one step then another past the threshold because I can’t walk away from her. In my gut, I know it would be a mistake to walk away.
I’m risking everything to have more time with her. Even if she doesn’t want to see me again and this blows up in my face, I’ll know I made the right choice for me. The one that I wanted.
With the click of the front door closing, I let out the deep breath that I was holding in. My head tips back against the door and I grin. I made a choice for my own future and it feels fucking good.
“That’s the first smile I’ve seen in days,” Thea’s gentle voice murmurs from across the room. She pulls a sweater on, wrapping her arms around herself, and bracing for whatever comes next.
I want so badly for it to be my arms wrapped around her, but it can wait. I need to earn her trust first.
“It’s the first time that I’ve felt like smiling in days,” I tell her truthfully. Making my way over to her sofa, I sit down on the dark green velvet. The chair she’s sitting in is covered in flowers wrapped in green vines that nearly match the couch.
There’s a thoughtful silence before I begin my not-well-thought-out speech. She’s giving me space to start like she senses how hard this is for me. It is hard. This could change the rest of my life.
I hope it does.
“This isn’t fair to ask, but I need everything that I say to stay in this room. You can’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you. No one.”
“I won’t,” she whispers with furrowed brows, giving me her blind faith. Something that I don’t deserve.
“I’m not here passing through, I came to New Hope for a reason. I joined the support group at your library for a reason.” I pause, needing to choose my words wisely. I want to give her as much of the truth as I can, but I need to keep some things close to my chest. Things that don’t involve her.
“I’m not a veteran, I’m still on active duty. A Special Sergeant for the Army Criminal Investigations Unit.” I stop, giving her a chance to absorb that information.
“Okay.” She tucks her legs up to her chest in her seat, remaining silent. Okay, so far, so good.
“That first night in the bar, I panicked when I couldn’t place how I knew you. I was afraid that you knew who I was and would blow up my investigation because I’m undercover.” There it is, my first time outing myself during an operation. I hold my breath, waiting for her to react.
“You’re undercover?” She asks like she doesn’t believe me.
“That’s why I can’t tell you everything. It’s a classified operation.” This could all go bad if she thinks that I’m lying.
“A classified operation that involves you being in my library? My bar? Am I in danger? The kids? My coworkers?” She sputters with panic, clutching her sweater to her chest.
“No. No. It’s just a coincidence. That’s what I realized when I found you at the library,” I assure her. “There are people that I’ve integrated myself with, where they go, I go. It’s just footwork. The real target is… farther out of reach.” It’s hard to explain and be vague, so I shrug, hoping that she accepts my answer.
“Okay, I’ll trust you.”
I cringe internally at her use of that word because she’s going to regret it in a minute.
“I didn’t know who you were or who you are, rather. I couldn’t stay away from you even though I’m on the job and I should stay the hell away from you,” I admit, rubbing my hands across the scruff that I wish I could shave off. “I ignored you these past few days because I didn’t know how to handle mixing my personal life with my undercover life. For that, I’m sorry. I hated every minute of it.”
“Who I am?” She whispers with confusion.
“When I met up with you at the library after closing the other day, I saw your photo on the wall. Thea Wolfe.”
“So?”
“Nathan Wolfe’s younger sister,” I explain with a small smile. One that I don’t feel. I turn the small golden picture frame that’s sitting on the side table between us.
I didn’t notice it the other time I was here. Her, Nathan, and Callie, standing on the porch of the cabin I’ve been to a few times. Nathan’s home. Her family.
“You know my brother,” she states, finally understanding.
“Yeah. He’s a friend.” I watch her, waiting for her reaction. She looks confused, overwhelmed maybe, but I can’t gauge what she’s thinking.
“You’re telling me the truth because you think Nathan will find out? And he’ll be mad that you duped his sister?” When her eyes meet mine, I see the distrust and I know exactly what she’s thinking. That I don’t care about her.
