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I wasn’t sure how to respond. I didn’t like being alone either. And it wasn’t that I wanted to be with other people; it was Sebastian and Ember specifically. And I adored his family. I’d gotten to know them even better while living on the farm. I wasn’t ready to give any of them up.
“When you start dating, it will seem weird that you’re living with me.” Sebastian’s voice was strained.
My heartbeat slowed. “I can say I’m your nanny.”
“I wouldn’t want anyone I’m dating to be living with a single guy.” His voice was stronger this time.
“That’s true.” If I was going to be serious about meeting and dating other people, I’d probably need to move out. “For now, I’m going to enjoy the holidays and worry about real life in January.”
Sebastian shifted in his seat, straightening his legs out in front of him. “I wish everything could be like that. That we could just put it off for another time.”
“I read somewhere that ninety-nine percent of the things we worry about never come to fruition,” I said, remembering an article I’d just seen last week.
Sebastian shook his head. “So, we worry for nothing?”
I laughed. “Seems like it.”
“That’s an interesting idea. As a parent, it feels like all I do is worry about whether I’m messing things up.”
“What if we let everything go and just enjoy being in the moment?” I asked.
“I like that idea.” He pushed his foot off the porch and rocked his chair back. We were in the woods with the twinkling lights surrounding us. The only thing that would have made the moment better was if I were in Sebastian’s arms. But there wasn’t a couch out here. Just two separate chairs. There was no way to finagle that unless I was sitting in his lap. That was not something a friend would do, no matter how attractive the idea was.
“Why are you so fidgety? I thought we promised not to worry about anything?” He leaned over and rested his palm on my thigh, effectively stilling my foot that had been moving.
“It’s easier said than done, I guess.” I laughed, but it sounded off.
He moved his hand higher, and my breath hitched. The muscles in my thighs tensed, and my core clenched. Did he know the effect he was having on me? He couldn’t, or he wouldn’t be touching me.
“You’re safe with me.” He squeezed my leg one time, and all the air inside my body whooshed out. When his hand moved back to his space, I still felt the heat of his palm through the material of my jeans.
I’d never had this strong of a reaction to another man touching me, and the gesture was meant as friendly.
A little while later, Sebastian stood and picked up his mug. “I’d better get to bed. Ember will be up early, excited about the snow. Whether the forecasters are right or not is another story.”
We both stood at the same time, and I tried to move around him but ended up leaning into his chest. His hands moved to my upper arms to steady me, and my heart raced in my chest. When our gaze met, there was heat and desire for me.
Had I been wrong about him this whole time? Was he feeling the same sparks I was?
“Wouldn’t want you to fall. Not when we’re going to have fun in the snow tomorrow.”
“I’m looking forward to it.” I smiled up at him, trying not to think about the way my breasts were pressed against his body and his thighs touched mine. But I couldn’t move backward without knocking into the tree, and I couldn’t get past him. He was standing tall and strong in front of me, seemingly in no hurry to move.
He brushed a strand of hair out of my face. “Why haven’t we ever kissed?”
I huffed out a breath, my heart pounding at this point. “What are you talking about? Friends don’t kiss.” My voice was high-pitched and off-key.
His hand cupped my chin, and he gently lifted it until I was looking at him. “Have you ever thought about kissing me?”
CHAPTER 9
SEBASTIAN
Why had I asked if she’d ever thought about kissing me? There was something about this moment, drinking hot chocolate on my new porch while admiring my newly decorated tree, that had me forgetting about all the reasons I hadn’t asked this question before.
The moment was intimate, as if nothing could touch us. But all bubbles eventually burst. The walls stretch thin before they inevitably pop with a noise loud enough to make everyone startle.
That was what my ill-timed question was—the proverbial popping of the bubble. Hanna was looking up at me as if she couldn’t believe what I’d asked. I couldn’t either. I’d broken the one rule that was supposed to preserve our friendship. Never reveal how I felt about Hanna. Not my real feelings. The ones I only thought about when I was alone in bed at night or in the shower.
