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Her desperation to save Cora boiled under the surface, but it was somewhat under control. Just another brain bleed, she told herself. It wouldn’t be an easy surgery, but it was far from the hardest she had attempted. She had saved patients who were in a much worse state than Cora was now.
Agnes was all too aware of the fact that it had been a while since she had performed surgery. She wouldn’t call herself rusty, but she certainly hadn’t had that much practice of late. In any other situation, she’d be glad of a reason to get back into the OR. Now, all she wanted was not to have to be there, as that would mean that Cora was safe and well.
Agnes strode into the OR and got gloved up. Someone had been considerate enough to put up a cover between her and Cora, so that she couldn’t see Cora’s face. That made it slightly easier.
“Scalpel.”
One of the nurses put the blade in Agnes’ hand, and she began.
Cora had a crack in her skull, but that wasn’t the most worrying thing. Since they had been in CT, the brain bleed had only gotten bigger.
“Suction.”
Agnes peered down at Cora’s exposed brain, trying to see through the blood to find the exact source of the bleeding. She knew the general area from the CT, but the general area was not enough. She needed to find… there. Right in the middle of a bunch of essential processes. Great.
“Doctor, her heart is in trouble. If you can’t finish this soon, we’re going to have to call someone from cardio.”
Only now did Agnes realize that Kate was part of the surgery. She shouldn’t have allowed it—she knew Kate and Cora were close—but she had been too focused on Cora to pay attention to individual faces.
Now, it was too late to call for anyone else.
“I’m nearly done.”
Agnes had done the time-consuming part. She’d found the source of the bleeding. Now came the difficult part—repairing it without causing more harm.
It should be quick, though, if Agnes could get it right.
For a moment, she was paralyzed with fear. Cora could easily end up losing her sight or her ability to speak if Agnes messed this up.
She hadn’t been this afraid in the OR since she’d been an intern. Like she had done then, she forced herself to take a deep breath through her nose, exhaling slowly as she brought her tools to Cora’s brain.
She carefully made her way to the area she needed and went to work. Cora’s heart rate was skyrocketing, but there was nothing Agnes could do about it right now. This procedure was too delicate to pause for anything.
Nearly there…
“Done!”
Agnes took a step back, glancing at the monitors. Sure enough, Cora’s heartbeat was already returning to normal.
Only when the others in the OR started clapping did she realize that it was over. She’d saved Cora’s life.
If Cora were any other patient, Agnes would hedge her bets. She’d tell the family that nothing could be sure until Cora woke up and they could see what kind of functioning she had. However, Agnes was sure that she hadn’t damaged anything. She’d never been so careful about anything in her life.
There was no question of her returning to the ER. Agnes would be by Cora’s side until she woke up… and hopefully beyond that.
Only now that she had almost lost her did Agnes realize what a fool she’d been to let Cora go in the first place. She was still scared of where a relationship between them might lead, but that was nothing compared to the blind terror she had felt when she feared she might lose Cora forever.
Agnes had been so stupid. She’d taken the best thing that had ever happened to her and thrown it away. She loved Cora so much, so differently from the way she had loved Jackie, and yet it felt right. She’d been afraid of that rightness, afraid of loving Cora more than Jackie, but seeing Cora’s limp body on that table put things into perspective.
It wasn’t a case of one or the other. She could love both of them, and just because the love was different didn’t mean that one was stronger than the other.
As for forgetting Jackie… Well, Agnes should have known Cora better than that. Cora would never ask her to forget. Agnes decided to tell Cora everything about Jackie, to honor the amazing woman who had helped shape Agnes into the person she was.
Agnes knew that Cora wouldn’t object. She would be honored.
Now that she was truly allowing herself to think of it, thoughts of her and Cora’s future, mixed in with Agnes’ past flooded her mind.
They would celebrate Jackie’s birthday together, of course. Agnes would probably cry at Christmas time, but Cora would be there to support her, and together, they would make new memories. Over time, Agnes would cry less and laugh more.
