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My face and hands are sweaty when I’m finally able to pull Sara free. She falls into my lap crying, and my hands shake as I rock her in my arms. My tears fall on her soft hair and my cries blend with hers. “Shh. It’s okay. I’m here, brother’s here.” Her green eyes meet mine and I promise to protect her for the rest of my life.
“Get out, get out, get out!” I slam my hands over my ears and clench my jaw as the memory fades, but as quickly as it disappears, another one takes its place. Fighting is pointless and will only delay the inevitable.
Instead, I surrender myself.
Thirteen years old…
“You little fucking bastard!” my dad shouts before the back of his hand slams hard against my cheek. “Where the fuck did you put my keys?” The taste of blood fills my mouth, and my body is pumping with the urge to let go and give him everything I’ve got. Even though I may get in a swing or two, I know I’m not big enough to go up against him yet. But one day.
“I haven’t seen them, sir.” It’s a lie but I don’t give a shit. He’s not taking Sara anywhere, not while his breath reeks of alcohol and powder is smudged under his nose. I have to protect her.
His face turns a mottled shade of red and his nostrils flare as he grabs me by the throat and shoves me against the wall. My feet dangle uselessly, my toes inches away from the filthy carpet of our dingy apartment.
“Don’t fuckin’ lie to me boy!” His breath is hot, and instinct has me turning away searching for fresh air. Big mistake.
His strong hand grips my chin as he turns my head to face him. Hatred pours from him as his dark eyes stare back. His grip around my throat tightens, and a smile forms on his lips.
Even when I was little, I knew my dad was bad, but I didn’t know how sick he truly was. Now, when he looks at me and Sara, the hatred coming from him is so strong I can taste it.
The front door slams against the wall, and a loud voice echoes through the living room.“Jim, where the fuck are ya?”
Dad lets me go and I drop to my knees on the floor, my body following as my lungs rush to pull in my deprived oxygen. Not sparing me another glance, Dad strolls to the fridge and grabs a six pack before leading his friend into the back yard, acting for all the world as if he didn’t just nearly kill me.
I pull my knees to my chest and drop my head, wishing I could get out of this house and take Sara far, far away from here.
A small hand pushes into mine and I tighten my own around Sara’s. “Did he hurt you?” she whispers.
I shake my head. “I’m okay,” I tell her. Her nose scrunches and her brows pull in as her innocent eyes search my face. She’s getting older, and it won’t be long before my lies can no longer disguise the truth. For now, I’ll say and do anything to ensure her happiness. “You wanna go to the park?”
Her eyes widen when she nods, but her face quickly morphs into a frown. “But I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“I won’t,” I assure her, and I get to my feet before taking her hand in mine. “Let’s go have some fun.”
***
Fifteen years old…
“Stay the fuck away from her!” The sound of my fist hitting his jaw is music to my ears. Another punch, then another. Blood coats my knuckles, making me smile with satisfaction.
Those two seconds of distraction are enough for him to throw his own punch. Even though I’m catching up, he’s still bigger than me. Looming over me with his six-foot frame, his hit easily knocks me back and I stumble, tripping on the coffee table and falling to my ass on the filthy carpet. A used needlelays inches from my hand and I curl my lip in disgust as I push onto my feet.
“She’s my fuckin’ daughter, I’ll discipline that little bitch any way I see fit.” His heavy footsteps head toward Sara’s bedroom where I can still hear her crying.
The fuck you will. A surge of adrenaline courses through my veins and propels my body forward. My fist reaches out, grappling for any part of his body. My fingers snag on the fabric of his shirt and the cheap material tears as I use my body weight to pull. His intoxicated limbs are like lead weights and he slams into the wall before landing on the floor.
Not wasting a second, I shove into Sara’s room. Slamming the door behind me, I lean on it for good measure, panting as I rush out the words. “Pack a bag, now. Hurry!”
Nodding, Sara’s bloodshot eyes meet mine. Her bruised cheek is wet with tears. She winces as she unfolds her thin body from the bed and begins throwing things into a small backpack.
The door rattles against my back. Another ram, this time splintering the door frame. “Open this fuckin’ door or I’ll break it down.” Dad’s voice is filled with rage as he readies himself for another charge.
“Ready?” I mouth to Sara.
She nods.
“When I tell you to run, do not stop. And do not look back.”
Another nod, but her hands tremble and her eyes grow wide as she watches me pull a knife from behind my back.
