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CHAPTER1
Tony
My earliest memory is of drowning.
When I was six years old, I strayed into the deep end of a pool without any supervision. I had been taking swimming lessons and was starting to feel overconfident and unsure of myself. Even as a little boy I was reckless. And due to my recklessness I almost died.
It only took two seconds for me to panic. I forgot every single thing I was taught. I started to struggle, thrashing in the water. For some reason both the lifeguards, the instructors, everyone that was supposed to have being able to help me, were distracted. But my mom wasn’t.
She jumped into the water without hesitation and she saved me. I was only in there for a couple of seconds, but it felt like years before her strong arms clamped around me. And as soon as I felt her there with me, immense relief filled me. We were barely out of the water before I started to relax. Because she was there for me. She was always there for me. Until she wasn’t.
After that incident, most kids would be afraid of water. That innate fear would always cling to them, obstructing their willingness to do something they used to find so much joy in. But not me. Even if I wanted to run away and hide. My mom wouldn’t let me. She took me back to the swimming pool the next day and even though any progress I had with swimming was lost, she made me start all over again.
We got in together and started from scratch. Floating, holding our breaths, feeling the world fall away inside that large body of water. Eventually, I learnt again. The innate fear turned back to innate joy. Pools became my happy place. As I grew older, being inside water was my favorite place to be. I won swimming competitions, I took any chance to be inside water. My mom supported me through everything. Swimming was our thing and nothing could come between us. Almost every single memory I have of her. The ones I can’t seem to forget were spent in water.
Even after she left, I never stopped. The only difference is the innate joy turned to innate pain. And the pain helped me remember. It helped me push forward. Now when I swim, I’m not afraid of drowning. I’m scared I’ll forget how it made me feel. To be abandoned by the person who was supposed to love me most in the world.
Because if she could throw me away so easily, what’s to stop anyone else from doing so?
* * *
My sister getsthis look in her eyes when she’s trying to convince someone to do something. That stubborn look that spells that she’ll inevitably get what she wants. I think it’s a Legan thing because my dad does it too. And I’ve got it as well. Which means I never back down when I want something. And she knows this better than anyone.
“Tony,” she starts in a deceptively calm voice. “This is a bad idea.”
I scoff, “Really? That’s what you’re starting with?”
“Yes! Because I don’t get it. I don’t understand why you’re doing this. It’s a bad idea,” she says, her face pinched.
I smile then say calmly, “Yeah, you already said that.”
Elena lets out a soft growl and I sigh.
“I have to do this, lil sis.”
“But why?” she says softly. “You didn’t care. You haven’t cared for years. What brought this on?”
I lean back in my chair, my eyes straying to the painting on the wall of some dude in the ancient days taking a piss. Rosa insists that’s not what it actually is and my interpretation is complete nonsense. She says I’m being too literal. I think she’s full of shit. Artists like to say their work is so mind-blowing and out of this world. They make things more complicated than they actually are. She didn’t paint this one though, which is why I’m allowed to rail on it all I want. Rosa’s practically my little sister, and I would never say anything bad against any artwork she created. I’m nice like that.
It takes a few seconds before I reply to Elena. She waits patiently. I’m trying to figure out a way to smoothly navigate out of this conversation. But I doubt I can so I finally decide to answer.
“I heard you,” I start. “A few days before Rosa’s wedding. Rome and I got back late and I was going to check up on Cassie in her nursery. You were there with her, telling her a story.”
Elena’s eyes widen as she remembers. She was telling her about a Greek myth. Just like our mother used to. Cassie was probably already fast asleep but she continued talking.
“You were sad,” I continue. “Because she wouldn’t get to meet her grandmother. You want Cassie to meet her.”
Elena looks at me, dumbfounded.
“Tony I-”
“It’s okay. I get it. I understand actually. If she’s still alive, then Cassie has a chance to know her. Who knows, she might want to meet her granddaughter. I’m not saying I forgive her though. I never will.”
My sister looks to be slightly over her surprise. The look on her face is discerning as they roam over mine.
“You’re lying,” Elena says.
I arch an eyebrow in question.
